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Seven Years and Counting

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009

Yesterday was our seventh wedding anniversary. It seems like such a long time, and yet I know in the grand scheme, it’s just a small deposit in the years we’ll spend together. Now, more than ever before in our relationship, I know that there will be years (plural) together.

We get emails all the time from people asking us for our advice, telling us about friction in their own marriages as they go through this. We’ve also been told and read countless stories of couples who divorce during IVF or after. We tell them all the same – talk to one another, listen to one another, and remain positive. Without those three things, Shelton and I would have broken, too. This entire experience has made us a stronger, smarter, better couple, and if we get nothing else out of doing this, then I’ll say we spent three years and $17,000 on couple’s therapy. And it will have been worth every penny.

There is absolutely no way I could have done the past month without Shelton. He’s been an absolute rock and has made me and this process his top priority. I also wouldn’t have wanted to do this with anyone else. I’m so grateful for him, and so in love with him, that I can’t think of any better way to spend our seventh year than letting a baby bump be the only thing that grows between us.

Tags: IVF, marriage
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IVF Shots Day Eight

Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

Yesterday was much better than the past few have been. I’m still maintaining this nagging headache, but free of any nausea or hot flashes. I’m still feeling pretty sluggish, but doing my best to rest when I can.

I also spoke with “M” regarding my spotting and it turns out it’s not spotting it’s the real deal. She said that’s it’s OK as I stopped my birth control over the weekend. This is expected and supposed to happen. So clearly I’ve been confused this entire time thinking I was just supposed to skip it. Maybe this is the last one of these I’ll have for a LONG time!!!

Totally unrelated to IVF, my BFF is in town this week and we snuck out to watch Harry Potter last night. Kind of disappointing – what was such a great story in the book seemed like a pretty dull and boring movie. Reaffirming that I’m glad I read the books.

Tags: IVF, IVF Shots
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Reflecting on 27

Monday, July 20th, 2009

I have to say 27 was one of the better years I’ve had. All those birthday wishes last year paid off! Here are a few of my favorite moments from ‘08-’09.

1. Watched the Yankees win a home game in the old stadium

2. Celebrated our 6th anniversary

3. Welcomed our first niece, Tilton

4. Saw Dave Matthews Band perform for the fourth time, and danced to #41, from our wedding

5. Went to OU opening game

6. Welcomed the Swart twins

7. Visited family in Baltimore, to meet Tilton

8. Welcomed our second niece, Emilee

9. Celebrated Jim’s and Amy’s wedding

10. Saw a Broadway show

11. Celebrated the New Year with some of our dearest friends

12. Went to the ultrasound to learn my sister was having a girl

13. SXSW in Austin

14. Celebrated Jonathan’s and Nicole’s wedding

15. Celebrated Sarah’s and Andrew’s wedding

16. Started IVF and hoped for the best

17. Welcomed our niece Eleanor

Not to mention a few camping trips, visits with family and countless evenings spent with good friends.

Here’s to 28!

Tags: About Brandi
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IVF Shots Day Six

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

Does Lupron make you tired? I feel like I did last summer when I had mono, like no amount of sleep quite quenches my exhaustion. I took two naps this weekend, something I never do. Going to bed early and sleeping late. And I feel sluggish all day long. Tonight I was like, let’s go to bed! When I looked at the clock it was only 7:30 and I realized it was still bright as day outside. So I did a little Google search for “lupron fatigue” and sure enough, there are several reports from other women indicating “severe fatigue,” “extreme exhaustion,” and “serious fatigue.” There it is folks, our first side effects. If this is as bad as it is six days in, then I think I can hang. However, I know better than to think this is the peak.

Last night I had a total meltdown over Jenna (my sister) having a baby. And not because she had a baby, but rather because I wasn’t there. I’ve planned for months to be there by her side when Eleanor joined us, and it just didn’t happen. I’ve apologized to Jenna profusely over the past few weeks as I prepared myself to not be able to go. I’d decided once the shots started I would not make the ten hour round-trip by car. So out of absolutely no where last night I started sobbing uncontrollably and sat in Shelton’s lap (ever-so delicately!) and he held me. I finally eeked out how sad I was that I missed Ellie’s birth. Since the day my younger brother and sister were born they were mine. I’ve been a part of every major day and event in their lives and I missed this one, a big one. I hate it so much. I know we’re adults now and the three of us live in different states and so the fact of the matter is I’m going to miss a lot of big events. But the first one stings.

Shelton mentioned that we do not have any plans this upcoming weekend (by design mind you) and that maybe we could go visit Jenna. Judging by how tired I am now, and guessing where I’ll be five or six days from now, PLUS we introduce the Gonal F on Thursday… I don’t know if that will happen. I want to talk to “M” or Dr. T to get their opinion when I go in for a check-up on Thursday; I imagine they’ll recommend staying home and resting.

The thing is, I don’t know how to rest. I’m a busy body. A bit of a workaholic. Shelton has to actually pry me away from my laptop a lot of nights and tell me to just stop. So this idea of two weekends in a row with no plans, taking naps, and resting seems a bit cumbersome. But it’s probably what my body needs most. Maybe I should listen to someone other than myself sometimes.

My shot this morning HURT LIKE HELL!!! It felt like Shelton lit my stomach on fire and I actually screamed a little. Yesterday’s hurt more than normal and today’s was just downright awful. Shelton thinks the alcohol didn’t dry enough by the time he injected. Hopefully tomorrow goes better.

Today was the last day of my birth control pills. I took two packs back-to-back, meaning I skipped my July cycle. All of this to make sure I ovulate at the right time to align with the schedule at the clinic. However, I’ve had a lot of spotting. A full week during June and now another full week. It’s annoying to say the least! Each time the spotting has started I’ve alerted “M” and each time she’s assured me that it’s totally normal. Some women respond to the BC this way and apparently I’m one of them.

Today is also my last day as a 27-year-old. Tomorrow is my 28th birthday! I’m a bit of a birthday brat. I like everyone to know, I like everyone to celebrate with me and I like to make a big deal about it. My BFFFF Christie is coming up from Dallas to spend the week with us. I’m so excited to see her. Tomorrow night she, Shelton and I are going to one of my favorite restaurants in Wichita for dinner, Yia Yia’s. Then, coming back where I have a Monica’s Bundt Cake (my favorite!) and a bottle of pink champagne (thanks “R”!!) waiting for us. I was told one drink here and there wouldn’t be terrible… and I was told I could have two drinks on my birthday! It’s going to be a pretty simple birthday. But I’m spending it with two of my absolute favorite people, with some of my favorite things, and I think it’s going to be rather nice.

Tags: About Brandi, birth control, gonal-f shots, IVF, IVF Shots, lupron shots
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IVF Shots Day Five

Saturday, July 18th, 2009

Another day, another shot. Actually I’d be lying if I said today wasn’t pretty legendary. My sister finally had baby Eleanor. She arrived at 6:50 this morning, with a call coming in shortly after 7 from our new grandma, my mom. I’m so proud of my little sister. I’m a little devastated that I wasn’t there to celebrate with her, but I know I’ll get plenty of time to to snuggle with her later. Eleanor is 7lbs 1oz, 18” long and apparently has curly dark hair. Congratulations Jenna and Eric!

That wake-up call was probably necessary and forced Shelton and I out of bed to do this morning’s shot. Yesterday and today the shots have hurt a bit more than normal. Not sure why that is, but I’m not a fan. Shelton’s still doing a great job giving the shots.

I’m still feeling fine. I was a pinch moody today, and after snapping at Shelton I told him that I was blaming it on the Lupron whether he liked it or not. He responded OK and I told him that he really couldn’t argue with me. He agreed! It’s probably more my being tired and the excitement of the day that it was the Lupron.

We’re having a VERY laid back weekend. And by very laid back I mean lazy. I even took a nap today. It’s the first weekend we haven’t had plans in probably two months.

Shelton’s also coming around since his surgery. He’s starting to feel much better.

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Tags: Aunt Brandi, IVF, IVF Shots, lupron shots, male factor infertility
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IVF Shots Days Two and Three

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

I’ve had a lot of people ask me almost hesitantly the last few days “How are you doing?” And I’m thrilled to be able to respond “Fine!” So far I haven’t noticed side effects from the Lupron. Feels like any other day of the week. Except I have to wake up at 7:30am… which is NOT typical.

Shots are much easier than I anticipated. Only because I’m such a needle phobe that you might as well be running a drill press through my abdomen. But instead, it’s really quite nothing.

That was until this morning. I had to go to OKC for the funeral of our friend Anna. Yesterday as I packed I grabbed a needle, the Lupron and an alcohol swab. As Shelton is still recovering from his MESA surgery he stayed home. This meant I’d have to administer the shot myself. I joked with a few friends last night that they were welcome to come over this morning and “juice” me. No takers though. Fair enough, I can’t say I’d have volunteered for that either.

At 7:30 this morning the alarm went off and I went to the bathroom with my supplies. I knew if I let myself think about it that I’d completely panic, and then what? So I just cleaned the Lupron cap, cleaned my tummy, and injected the needle. For a split second as I watched the needle go in (something I NEVER EVER do) I had this OH-MY-WHAT-IN-GODS-NAME-ARE-YOU-DOING moment. But alas, the needle slid right back out and I went back to bed.

I’m trying to decide what kind of design I want to make on my stomach. So far I’ve got three tiny little pink dots that could be the start of so many things. A constellation. A flower. My initials. Maybe we’ll connect the dots at the end and see what we come up with!

I do have to say a very huge thank you to friends, family and our readers. We’ve received tons of texts, tweets, facebook messages, emails and even, if you can imagine, face-to-face conversation offering prayers, encouragement and simply asking how we’re doing. It really means a lot and helps to know that we have so many cheerleaders and supporters out there.