Archive for the ‘Pregnancy’ Category

Pregnancy Week 12

Monday, October 19th, 2009

Week 12 started on a low note, but ended high. My morning sickness returned. I had several people say they’d never heard of that before, but I had no other explanation. I spent the first half of the week just feeling classically pregnant sick. This entire pregnancy so far, as soon as I wake in the morning, I have about a five-minute countdown to get food in my system or I’m miserable the rest of the day. So each morning last week I jumped out of bed to fix a bowl of cereal or eggs and toast. Within an hour, I’d lose it. By mid-week I started taking my nausea pill before I’d eat anything and managed to get through the end of the week without getting sick.

Everyone asked/argued if it was the flu. And it was not. Definitely morning sickness and I’m sticking to it. There were no other symptoms at all.

My fatigue continues. I’m easily getting ten hours of sleep a night, with 12 on the weekends. My mid-afternoon, I’d give someone $5 and a candy bar to let me take a nap. A simple trip to the grocery store leaves me worthless the rest of the evening. Shelton’s schedule has been so insane lately that having him tag along hasn’t really been an option. So either save errands for when he is around, or just write them off as not that important.

This has left me fairly “homebound” lately and it’s making me mental. I work at home, so my 8-5 is in the same place my 5-10 and Zss are. I’ve been trying to make a point of getting out at least once a day – a walk to the mailbox, a lunch with a friend, working the afternoon from a wifi coffee shop. Just something that changes my environment a bit.

Which brings me to exercise. No, I have not partaken (partook) in any exercise since the start of my pregnancy. With the blood clot, I just couldn’t bare the thought of doing anything that might put me or the baby in some kind of jeopardy. And while the doctor told me I didn’t need to lie flat on my back staring at the four walls until it passed, I just couldn’t do it. However, I’m so unbelievably excited that next week will start my second trimester, for all intents and purposes the bleeding is gone, and I can start prenatal yoga! A woman I work with is a yoga guru, so I had her shop all the Wichita yoga classes and she found one with an instructor who sound just right. Classes are super cheap, about $60 for a month of once-per-week sessions. Everything I’ve read about the benefits yoga lends to pregnant women makes me want to run not walk to my first class.

I’ve only taken yoga once in my life, years ago. And I got the giggles when people tooted and what not, because hidden inside me is a 14-year-old boy that I can’t shake at times. Plus my mother-in-law was attending the class with me and was ultra-bendy and six-packed, and was/am not, so I stopped going. I’m a completely different person now and I’m actually anxious to embrace these prenatal yoga classes, and will of course keep you posted on how I feel about what I’m gaining from them.

In other BIG news this past week, I’m full-on showing. I’ve had a minor bump for a few weeks now, really only noticeable to myself or Shelton (and my sister). But I swear I went to bed one night and woke up the next day and BAM there was a belly. There’s no denying it now. I can’t get over it. I can’t stop rubbing it or holding it. The feeling is so much different than the 12 pounds of chubby tire I lost a couple years ago. It’s solid and round and centered. And that’s the part I can’t get over, is that I keep thinking it’s going to squish or wobble or whatever like love handles. But it’s not. It will continue to get bigger and I cannot wait!

Speaking of “how I’m carrying,” I’ve yet to talk to a single person who thinks this is a boy. Every vote so far has been cast as a girl. Neither Shelton nor I have an inkling of what it could be. Frankly, we don’t care. I’d prefer not the hermaphrodite I dreamt about a few nights ago, but otherwise we’re open to whatever we get. My sister, and the “women’s contingent” in my family have decided that I’m “carrying high” and “all in my belly” and “nothing in my back” and the “wind’s blowing from the east,” and so on – all apparently meaning that I’m having a girl. When and if we decide to find out before this baby arrives, we’ve still got a long way to go.

Other than that, I’m excited that this begins the final week of our first trimester. What a relief it is to get to this point. I’ll spending this week in NYC, currently sitting on a three-and-a-half hour flight. On the downside, my flight was delayed; on the upside, that meant I got to eat! I had to SWEAR and PROMISE Shelton that I would take it easy on myself and try not to push myself; I made him SWEAR and PROMISE not to worry. The only thing I can SWEAR and PROMISE is that neither of us is likely to hold up our end of the deal.

Pregnancy Dreams, or Rather Nightmares

Friday, October 16th, 2009

My entire life I’ve had the most vivid, active, and bizarre dreams. I swear, any psychoanalysts out there who need a person’s dreams to study, not only am I game, but I’m available. For the bulk of my childhood and teen years my dreams included the deaths of nearly every single loved one I had. My mom sank in quicksand. My dad ran over my baby brother. A family friend was the Knight Rider guy and was shot. WEIRDNESS!!!

Since I’ve gotten pregnant, I feel like my dreams have turned in to a science experiment. I wish I could hit a record button before I go to sleep and replay them for you because my descriptions never do them justice. Partly because my descriptions are based on my shadowy remembrance. They’re almost like walking in to a house where you’ve left the door unlocked, and the space feels eerily violated and you know someone has been there, but you can’t quite identify what is specifically wrong. My REM cycles have been violated.

I’ve had a lot of dreams about the baby… or a baby. There’s an old wives’ tale that if you dream about your baby while pregnant, and that baby has an identifiable gender, then that’s what you’re going to have. So far my dreams have included a boy, a girl, and a hermaphrodite.

Yes, last night the herme entered the equation. After the baby was born I opened its diaper to confirm the sex and there was a tiny vagina with a penis on top. And I was horrified.

Not only was my newborn baby a hermaphrodite, but it was part werewolf. The baby was born with full facial hair. A thick man beard.

So a little furry hermaphrodite. And it was not a face only a mother could love. I don’t know that anyone could love that baby.

The pregnancy ‘mones are beginning to eat my brain. I’m at a loss for the other frightening dreams I’ve had recently, or I’d share them. Frankly, I wake up every morning completely freaked out.

Pregnancy Week 11

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009

I think week 11 can be summed up in one word – tired. Make that exhausted. I’ve reached the hibernation point of this pregnancy. I sleep about 10-12 hours a night, and by noon/early afternoon each day I’m ready for a nap, and by the time evening hits I’m completely worthless. A friend told me that she slept through the entire third month of her pregnancy, just missed the entire thing, doesn’t remember it. Isn’t that nuts? I don’t think I’m there, but a close second.

It’s still just so insane to me how much, and how quickly, your body changes. To that, I still have days where I have to go oh wow, I’m pregnant! This is real! If it weren’t for the symptoms I think I’d never believe it.

The sonogram and the picture of the real baby helped. We had a sonogram last Monday, as my bleeding had returned. Thankfully all signs of the blood clot are completely gone and the doctor believes it’s just the last little bit draining off. I’m still seeing very faint, very mild spotting here and there, but I think we’re completely out of the woods on this. Thank God! I’ve been told that some women will spot their entire pregnancy. I’m hoping that’s not me, but at least now I can take a deep breath and not completely panic.

Toward the end of the week I started feeling sick again. Nauseous, everything stinks, nothing sounds good, just miserable. So I spent the majority of the weekend lying right here on this couch vegging in front of the TV, eating crackers. I’ve also learned something about pregnancy that can be filed under the “things no one ever tells you.” I can’t brush my teeth. The thought of having to brush my teeth makes me want to run to the toilet. And I thought I was being weird so I tried to get over it. Until I told a few friends who all either concurred or told me about three other people they know who have resorted to gum or rinsing with mouthwash. And I’m thinking, well, that would work but I cannot live with the fuzzy slipper teeth. Since I work at home, and I don’t have to come into contact with humans for the majority of the day, I’m not making it the first thing I do in the morning. Because I’m not kidding, I will vomit. So I have breakfast, let that digest, and closer to lunch I brace myself for brushing my teeth. And I use the TINIEST dob of toothpaste and we get in and get out. Fast. And I try not to breathe while doing it. The entire task is horrendous and I really, REALLY hope this passes. I need to make a dentist appointment and I’m avoiding it because I am one hundred percent certain I will puke on the hygienist. And maybe the dentist, too.

The bump is continuing to grow, getting more bumptastic all the time. Depending on what I wear it’s completely obvious (for instance, today I’m in yoga pants and a slim long sleeve t-shirt). It’s fun, makes this entire thing a bit more real. I think I’m about at the point of having to give up my regular jeans. Sigh. I’ve held out as long as I could. But yesterday, squatting, bending, sitting or just moving was too much. They were so tight and so uncomfortable. The downside is that I’m not quite big enough for my maternity jeans, they slide off of me like an 8-year-old boy with no hips. And who knew they didn’t put belt loops on maternity pants?! What the hell?!

Week 12 is starting off a bit rough, and I’m going to spend week 13 in NYC. So I’m really going to take it easy on myself this week and hope it gets better and that I have the energy to take on the Big Apple.

Sonogram – Week 11

Tuesday, October 6th, 2009

I had a sonogram this morning. Unfortunately, the bleeding showed back up. (In my week ten recap, I explain that it went away. It did, for five or six days, and now it’s back.) I immediately called my doctor this morning and asked for a sonogram. They obliged and radiology was able to see me at 11:15.

It should be noted that I woke up SICK today. I really thought I’d managed to get the flu, even though I’ve had my flu shot.

So after heaving my breakfast in the kitchen sink, and having to call my Aunt F for a ride to the doctor, I made it – with a cup of water and crackers in hand. Shelton was able to meet me and we were promptly taken back.

People, it was magnificent. First, after everything we’ve been through, I feel like an honorary sono tech. Without the tech’s say so (which they can’t really say so) I was able to see that there’s not one spec of that blood clot left! No sign that it was even there. (HUGE relief… but why the new bleeding?)

Then, oh my, then the baby. The last time we had a sono was Sept. 17, and for the first time it looked like more than a fuzzy blur. There was shape, and that shape was similar to a gummy bear. Today… there was a baby. A whole, real baby! Shelton and I were both giggling, it was so amazing to see. I saw individual toes and fingers. A head, with a spot for eyes and a nose and a mouth. I saw traces of a spine. Elbows, knees, feet, and a rapidly beating heart (154bpm). Not to mention the acrobatic show it was putting on for us. Arms and legs and body just jutting and wiggling here and there. Then, it did a complete 180 flip. Positively amazing.

The baby has grown to 4.6cm (about 1.5″).  Everything is right on track.

You can see for yourself!

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Pregnancy Week 10

Tuesday, October 6th, 2009

Last week was gloriously uneventful! Ten weeks in and I felt fantastic. Still tired, still sluggish, still sleep about 10-12 hours at a time at night. But when I was awake I wanted to eat, eat, eat, and never once felt sick. (Two days in to week 11 and I’m longing for that!)

Week ten was great because the bleeding stopped. And I cannot even express what a relief that was. I told Shelton I was honestly having a hard time really getting into this pregnancy because I was so scared. But to be able to take such a huge sigh, know that it was behind us and move on, was a great feeling.

I started week ten with the first visit to my OB. You can read all about that appointment at <– that link. It was really positive – just went through all the initial stuff, learned where we’d deliver (and I have to say my enthusiasm is lackluster and I’m pondering the pros of delivering in my back seat in an alley). We don’t have a lot of choices here, but of the three I thought I had, the far lesser third seems to be the one. I have nothing to support this other than my own perception. And as someone in advertising/marketing, I like to think I know a little bit about brand perceptions. The one I have for this particular hospital is bad. My brother was born there, and he turned out OK, so maybe it won’t be so bad. There is a place in town where the mothers give birth in a veritable spa in a room that’s probably nicer than my master bedroom at home. And wouldn’t you know it, our insurance doesn’t go there. And I’ve paid MORE THAN ENOUGH this year without insurance coverage.

I guess I can’t say the week was entirely uneventful – I’m showing! Several female relatives have given me license to say that outloud and confirm that Houston, we have a bump. Now, I can clearly see it, as can anyone who really knows me or is looking for it. The people at the grocery store probably think I spend my days polishing off pizza buffets and washing it down with natty light and doughnuts. Depending on the day I’m switching between my regular jeans, yoga pants and a pair of maternity capris (the maternity jeans are still a little loose). The yoga pants are heaven and the jeans are not worn anywhere food is being consumed. The bump is pretty cute and I think I’ll keep it.

Although, I’m somewhat delusional that this is as big as I’m going to get. Like six months from now I’m going to look like 140 pound me and squat out a baby (7 pounds) and shed the extra three pounds by going to the bathroom, and then wahlah! Pre-preggo body welcome me home! I know, I know, I said I’m delusional. Call it hormones or my current obsession with french toast and bacon (ooo! and belgian waffles!).

I went on a little maternity shopping trip this weekend with my Aunt J and had a blast. It was a much needed girls-only shopping afternoon that yielded two bags of clothes, lunch at one of my favorite restaurants, and dessert from another favorite restaurant. Not to mention some overdue quality time with one of my favorite aunts. I went for simple basics since my maternity budget was basically my birthday money (thanks mama J) and I needed to make sure I got things that would last. I’m also SOOO grateful to my sister for the huge tub of clothes she brought to me. I think I managed to pull about four shirts and six pairs of pants out of that.

Week ten was a good week. It spoiled me. And I hope to see many more just like it.

The Scare

Wednesday, September 30th, 2009

So I’ve been keeping a secret from you lovely people. While this is just the sort of thing I’d typically air on this site to ease my own stress, it was something I couldn’t say out loud for fear of what might actually happen.

We’re going to back up, four whole weeks, for me to tell this story. I will also warn that it’s going to be a bit “graphic” in the “gynecological” department – so if you and I share DNA or you simply don’t want to hear it, then we look forward to having you back here soon!

We had gone to our very first sonogram, August 31, the start of week six. The ultrasounds I received at the clinic were all done vaginally, and at the end of this one I bled on the table. It caught Dr. T off guard, as well as Shelton and I, but it wasn’t too concerning as I’d had mild spotting since the embryo transfer. I went home, and by mid-afternoon I was full-on bleeding. Scared to death of course, I called “M” and she advised not to use any tampons and to return the next morning for a follow-up.

(Yes, I had to be told not to use a tampon. How was I supposed to know? The doctor’s sticking things in there, what’s wrong w/ stopping stuff from coming out?! I haven’t used a pad since my senior year of high school because I honestly can’t think of anything more disgusting and foul. If you use them, more power to you. So I didn’t even have one in the house, much less that at the forefront of my mind. Shuddderrrrr!)

So I returned the next morning for a second sonogram and what the doctor found made my insides turn as cold as ice, instantly. On the screen, next to my teeny tiny baby, was a big daunting clot. There was a blood clot in my uterus measuring about 4.5 cm by 2.5 cm, roughly. He couldn’t explain it, said I wasn’t the first to have one, and said that we’d need to just wait this out. There was far more risk involved with going after it than playing the waiting game. He also said the two words that render Shelton and I paralyzed: Threatened Miscarriage. I’ve never before experienced a feeling where all the air had been knocked out of my body, and yet I suddenly had more space to fill within my chest cavity than ever before. I literally had one of those slow-motion movie moments where the scene holds still but you drift out of it and watch everything get smaller.

What in the hell is a threatened miscarriage and why are you saying it to me?!

It basically meant that my body was, as the name implies, threatening to miscarry. He explained that the uterus naturally doesn’t like having visitors and it was kind of building up its defenses.

Dr. T explained that best-case scenario I’d have to basically let the clot drain, it would go away on its own, and we’d forget all about this. Worst-case scenario was that I’d pass the clot and as it exited the uterus it may shave off the side of the placenta and well, that would be that.

Shelton wasn’t able to be at this appointment so I’m trying to absorb every word Dr. T is saying so that I can regurgitate all of this to him. I looked Dr. T in the eyes and asked if he thought I should be worried, and he said not now. And that was good enough for me. Call it my new-found motherly instincts or who knows what, but I used that to keep my head for the past four weeks. (Yes, this story goes for four weeks.) If he wasn’t worried, I didn’t have to be.

I went to Shelton’s office, gave him the news, and watched him turn white. And Shelton’s a pasty, translucent red-head, so watching him turn white means he was invisible. I spent five minutes trying to remember the “threatened miscarriage” term and when I finally remembered I just spit it out like those words wouldn’t have any affect on him. Oh, the look on his face. As fast as an auctioneer I was sputtering be calm, and don’t worry, and Dr. T said it’s OK, and anything else I could do to prevent him from passing out on the sidewalk.

The bleeding continued, I tried to remain positive, and we returned for a follow-up six days later. No change. Clot was in the same spot, the same size. The good news was that the baby seemed unfazed.

I would go on to have five sonograms over the course of weeks 6, 7 and 8. And in the final sonogram, in which we were released from the fertility clinic, we finally saw a change. The clot had shrunk to about half its size, the baby still seemed completely unaffected by its neighbor, and all of this was good enough for Dr. T to tell us it would resolve itself and send us on our way.

This started week six, and we’re now in week ten, and the spotting at this point has become incredibly faint, I would almost dare say completely gone. As reported at my first OB appointment, the baby’s heart is up to a raging 176bpm – and that sounds like we’re coming out on the other side of this thing with a growing, healthy baby!

Nothing has ever rocked me to my core harder and faster than the news of that clot. I didn’t put myself on bed rest, nor did the doctor, but I did take it very, very easy these past four weeks. We canceled trips out of town, bypassed evening walks, avoided errands I didn’t have to take, didn’t lift anything larger than a milk jug. If my doctor’s reading this, he’s probably laughing because I probably took it to the extreme like he told me I didn’t have to; but I just couldn’t have on my shoulders that I REALLY wanted to carry those groceries to the car, and well, now I’ve realized my worst nightmare.

My OB (Dr. W) didn’t appear concerned at all with the news of the clot and the bleeding, and as everything has pretty much stopped, I’m taking that as a good sign.

I once heard a terrible “man joke” that you shouldn’t trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn’t die. Well, I’m telling you that I did for more than a month, and not only did I not die, but I could have kicked some ass during that time with all the adrenaline and stress surging through my body.

I’m rounding out the end of my first trimester and I will never be so glad to get to the second and get out of these uncertain woods.