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IVF Shots Day Four

Friday, July 17th, 2009

If you’ve been expecting meltdowns, hysteria and hormone-driven insanity, go visit a relative with menopause. Because it’s not happening here! I’m so glad that we’re four days into my Lupron shots and have yet to feel any kind of side effects. This is the best news as it’s the exact reason I’ve been stressed about getting started.

We’ve had one hell of a week around here and I can tell you that I’m ready to sleep so much you’ll think I’m hibernating. In fact, this morning I heard Shelton’s keys jingling at 7am and realized that was my last chance to have him “juice” me, as we’re calling it. With half an eye open I mumbled “My shot…” and he goes “oh yeah!” I stayed in bed under the covers, did not move, left my eyes shut. I heard him grabbing all the gear and he asked if it was still doing 10iu to which I mumbled a positive grunt.

Then he walked over to the bed, pulled back the blanket and my shirt and did the injection. The entire time I was half asleep in bed. It was awesome, and I want to think that’s how future shots are going to be!

This weekend I’m looking forward to just being completely mellow. For the first time since probably April our calendar is completely clear. No plans. No obligations. No where to be. I am going to sleep until 4:00 tomorrow afternoon (or probably only 9am), take my recycling in and then catch-up on some chores and work. And that sounds like heaven to me.

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Tags: IVF, IVF Shots, lupron shots
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IVF Shots Days Two and Three

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

I’ve had a lot of people ask me almost hesitantly the last few days “How are you doing?” And I’m thrilled to be able to respond “Fine!” So far I haven’t noticed side effects from the Lupron. Feels like any other day of the week. Except I have to wake up at 7:30am… which is NOT typical.

Shots are much easier than I anticipated. Only because I’m such a needle phobe that you might as well be running a drill press through my abdomen. But instead, it’s really quite nothing.

That was until this morning. I had to go to OKC for the funeral of our friend Anna. Yesterday as I packed I grabbed a needle, the Lupron and an alcohol swab. As Shelton is still recovering from his MESA surgery he stayed home. This meant I’d have to administer the shot myself. I joked with a few friends last night that they were welcome to come over this morning and “juice” me. No takers though. Fair enough, I can’t say I’d have volunteered for that either.

At 7:30 this morning the alarm went off and I went to the bathroom with my supplies. I knew if I let myself think about it that I’d completely panic, and then what? So I just cleaned the Lupron cap, cleaned my tummy, and injected the needle. For a split second as I watched the needle go in (something I NEVER EVER do) I had this OH-MY-WHAT-IN-GODS-NAME-ARE-YOU-DOING moment. But alas, the needle slid right back out and I went back to bed.

I’m trying to decide what kind of design I want to make on my stomach. So far I’ve got three tiny little pink dots that could be the start of so many things. A constellation. A flower. My initials. Maybe we’ll connect the dots at the end and see what we come up with!

I do have to say a very huge thank you to friends, family and our readers. We’ve received tons of texts, tweets, facebook messages, emails and even, if you can imagine, face-to-face conversation offering prayers, encouragement and simply asking how we’re doing. It really means a lot and helps to know that we have so many cheerleaders and supporters out there.

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Tags: IVF, IVF Shots, lupron shots, male factor infertility, mesa surgery, thank you
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IVF Shots Day One

Tuesday, July 14th, 2009

It was kind of like Christmas Eve over here last night. Except really tense and instead of a stocking full of candy and new socks I was going to get needles. So maybe not like Christmas Eve at all. The anticipation of starting shots today and having Shelton’s surgery today was a bit overwhelming. I felt like I was a bit short with Shelton all night, but maybe that’s something we’d better get used to for the next few weeks!

We went to bed at 11 and I knew the second I got in that I wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon. I grabbed my laptop and worked until 1:30 this morning. And I only stopped because my battery was dead. Attempt to sleep or go get my cord? I chose silent in the dark.

At 6:30 the alarm went off like it does every morning and I just cringed. I’ve never wanted to not get out of bed more than I did this morning. I didn’t want Shelton to have to go through the surgery today and I did not want him poking me with a needle. But we got up and I grabbed the supplies. This is what you call sucking it up. Putting on your big girl panties. Dealing.

I stood next to Shelton at the sink where he used the alcohol swab to clean the top of the Lupron bottle. Tore open the needle package. He drew in the medicine and then told me to go lie down. And the stress and anxiety of the moment just blew in like a hot, humid breeze.

I was like “WHAT?! I DO NOT WANT TO GET IN BED! I WANT TO STAND RIGHT HERE!”

And he’s all “It’s a weird angle. I want you to be comfortable. I don’t want to mess this up.”

And I’m like “NO!!”

But I did. I lied on my back and as soon as my head hit the pillow tears just started streaming down my face. And for no particular reason. So I braced myself for agonizing pain, Shelton swabbed my tummy, pinched some skin and dropped the needle in. Effortlessly. He did a great job. I barely felt a pinch and the cotton ball and bandaid I’d made readily available weren’t even necessary. I’ve had mosquito bites that looked worse.

I feel nothing today, as far as any weird Lupron affect. Which is good because I do not have time to deal w/ that right now.

At about 9am we headed to the surgery center (which is next door to our clinic) so that Shelton could do his MESA procedure. (Getting the sperm.) The short and sweet is that he had it, took a little longer than expected, but overall went well. He’s in a bit of pain, but resting comfortably at home. Will share a separate post as soon as some of the details are final.

Tonight, I see early bed times for both us. Shot day two tomorrow.

Tags: IVF, IVF Shots, lupron shots, male factor infertility, mesa surgery
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IVF Begins in 39 Hours

Sunday, July 12th, 2009

Say what?! This is our last weekend. Last weekend not IVFing. Last weekend not pregnant. Last weekend not as parents. Part of me screams YAY!! and the other part is like – have we really given this some thought?

Tonight Shelton and I are going to pull all of the needles and drugs out, the handbook from the clinic and make sure that we understand everything. Or that at least for the first Lupron shot on Tuesday morning we understand.

I’m going to call “M” tomorrow, our IVF coordinator, to see if I can stop by for a minute. I just want to have a last minute dress rehearsal to make sure we’ve got this.

I also need to inquire about the amount of Lupron we received. I have a bag with dozens of needles in it, but only one bottle with 2mg of Lupron. I also feel like an idiot because it says to take 5 iu of Lupron …. but I don’t know how much that is and my needles start at 10 of something. So, going to check in to that.

Shelton and I are also supposed to make our final payment of $9200 to the clinic tomorrow, so we have to sit down tonight and shuffle some things around. An unexpected car bill of almost $3,000 last week is kind of throwing a wrench into things. But we’ll figure it out, right?

I’ve reached out to a few former IVF/infertility friends. Each of whom used our clinic and each have cutie patootie babies now and war stories to prove it. I just want to know what to expect. I’m being told I’ll lose my mind with the Lupron. That I won’t know how bad it is until later, when Shelton can safely recount the events that unfolded. And most importantly that we should talk. Talk now. Talk during. Just communicate with one another. So we’re doing that now. Talking. On my best days I’m impatient, stubborn and “always right.” On his best days Shelton is two of those three things. I accept Shelton’s annoyance with this and more times than not apologize. I told Shelton that I’m not going to use the drugs as an excuse, but if I seem irrational or cry because he put the toilet paper on the holder the wrong way (and YES there IS a right and wrong way to do that) – then he can’t hold it against me.

During the next few weeks as we go through the IVF my plan is to post here each day. As promised I want to capture and share this entire IVF experience with all of you … some of whom have been waiting three long years for this, too! I’ve warned family and friends not to get too concerned if they receive bizarre text messages from me. Odds are it’s the drugs talking and I’m not hiding alone in a closet somewhere holding the dog for ransom.

Folks, it’s getting very, very close. I welcome you along for the ride and make no guarantees or promises about what you’re going to see and hear here. What I do promise is honesty, regular updates and a frankness that will make most of us blush.

Houston, lift-off in T-minus 39 hours…

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Tags: Fertility Clinic, IVF, IVF Costs, IVF Shots
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Big Ball of IVF Nerves

Monday, July 6th, 2009

OH MY GOD! We officially start IVF a week from tomorrow. Eight days! I’m really starting to feel it. And when people ask how I’m doing, I’m starting to feel this wall come up. Imagine me not wanting to talk about it. I’m shutting down a bit, which isn’t good. When people ask questions I just want to recant with “Don’t you read the blog?! All the answers are there!” My dear best friend told me that she reads the blog, but she’d rather talk to me and have a conversation about it. Fair. I probably need that as much as she does. I hate feeling like this. The reality is seriously sinking in and I’m start to freak a bit. I told my best friend last night that I just don’t see the earlier part of next week being a good week. Between Shelton’s surgery and my first shot of Lupron (both taking place July 14), I feel like I might just lose my mind a bit. Oh, and let’s not forget that my baby sister is due any minute now. That surely won’t affect me!

I’m ready. I’m ready to do this. I’m ready to be pregnant, have the baby, lose my ass, and never sleep again. But I don’t like not having control, or knowing what’s next. And I feel like the next few weeks/months is going to be a steady stream of no control.

And call me cheesy and hopelessly romantic, but I feel like it’s the end of an era. The end of the Shelton and Brandi that I know. The past eight years of my life with him have been incredible and easily the best eight I’ve yet lived. I love “us” and who we as a couple are. I love our lifestyle. More than anything this isn’t what I’m ready to let go of. While part of me doesn’t want to share “this,” there’s another part that knows that our baby can only make “this” better and stronger. While we sat together watching fireworks Saturday night, Shelton leaned over and said this will be the last 4th of July that we’re not parents. And I was just smacked with this wave realizing how right he is. I just keep singing the Dave Matthews Band song “You & Me” from their new album Groo Grux King: “you and me together can do anything baby.” I feel like I have to just keep repeating those words to myself. We can do this. We’ve faced challenges before, we’ll face them again. This could very well be the biggest yet, but we’re going to come through it just fine.

My feelings and emotions right now are all over the place. I’m feeling grumpy, tired and scattered. The right Snuggle bear commercial could send me into a crying mess. I feel like now more than ever I have to prove myself personally and professionally – for real, I can do all of this. And what if I’m not Wonder Woman, who am I going to let down? The most crushing would be to let down myself, but I don’t take that lightly no matter who’s on the receiving end of that.

For the first time since April Shelton and I do not have any plans this upcoming weekend. I plan on keeping it that way. I want this weekend to be a calm before the storm. I want to enjoy all the things that we love doing together really soak it in. I want us to both go in to next week rested, relaxed, and as calm as humanly possible, knowing that together, we can do anything.

Tags: IVF, lupron shots, male factor infertility, marriage, mesa surgery
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Sonohystogram

Monday, June 29th, 2009

Today I had my sonohystogram. It was the first I’ve seen Dr. T since our IVF consultation last November, and it was definitely a welcome visit. It’s always a welcome visit. I adore Dr. T. In fact, I wish there were some way to make him my all-the-time-everything doctor because I so would. He has a bedside manner unlike any doctor I’ve ever been around. He isn’t patronizing and he doesn’t dumb down information, but he definitely makes it digestible. He makes you feel like you’re the only other patient in the entire building, and while we both know that I’m not, I appreciate having his undivided attention the entire time I’m with him. He calls me kiddo, which I think is sweet. He’s thorough, and honest, kind, and I’ll even go so far as to say pretty good looking, too!

I went in roughly knowing what was happening with this procedure, but not one hundred percent. I’d done my Google homework last night, but the results only yielded information for a hysterosalpingogram, in which they inject dye to investigate the fallopian tubes, uterus and the rest of the hoo-hah business. So while I knew it wasn’t going to be as invasive as that, I wasn’t quite sure what we were doing. He walked in and asked if I had any questions, so I told him I just wanted to be clear about the procedure. Using one of those super cute plastic vagina models (that would make a great paper weight) he explained that they’d run a very thin catheter into my uterus, fill with saline to expand the uterus, and then use a vaginal ultrasound to take a thorough look at my uterus. This is to ensure there are no detrimental surprises the day we do the embryo transfer.

I was told I would be uncomfortable and feel some cramping due to the catheter. It wasn’t until he told me the catheter was in that I realized he’d done it. So that was good. The speculum was one of the most uncomfortable parts, as was the ultrasound probe.

On the screen I could see a teardrop shape and he explained that it was my uterus. The conversation was very reminiscent of the one in which Dr. T told me what beautiful, healthy ovaries I have. He said that I have a “textbook, beautiful uterus.” (I hope he’s never tried to use that as a pick-up line!) So that was great news. The other good news was that typically when Dr. T and I do these little ultrasounds the screen is littered with giant ovarian cysts. I’ve had two surgeries because of these things and a number of years in quite a bit of pain and discomfort. Fortunately, they seem to have disappeared recently and there were no signs of them today. Ovaries looked good, too.

I got the good to go from Dr. T!

We had a discussion about the number of embryos that we’ll transfer. I assured him that we were solid on our decision to only transfer a single embryo. This pleased him, and reassured me that it was the right choice for us for several reasons, primarily being that we’re healthy, we’ll get plenty of good embryos, and we can come back for more.

The rest of the day I had just minor spotting and some slight cramping, but otherwise, this procedure was completely manageable.

Finally, Shelton and I made a brief visit to the lab to have blood drawn. We both had to be screened for Hepatitis B and C and HIV I/II. I had to have ABO and Rh blood typing done as well.

Today’s total was $425 for the sono and $385 for the labs. Plus, I started my second pack of birth control pills today ($26). See our progress and IVF expenses here.

Tags: Embryos, Fertility Clinic, IVF, IVF Costs
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