Archive for the ‘IVF Journey’ Category

Holding Pattern

Tuesday, August 8th, 2006

Yes, I have not been on here in about a week. I wish like hell there were something new and interesting to report, but there’s not. I wish that because I feel like we’d be a step closer.

It’s been three weeks since we went to the doctor and I had my Cystic Fibrosis test done. We’ve since been billed the $189, but have not gotten any results. Seems a little backwards. And while I trust the old saying that no news is good news, I’d still like to hear it. So I’m going to call tomorrow to see what the results show. Surely it doesn’t take more than three weeks.

We also heard back from Shelton’s urologist’s office last week with some initial costs for his MESA procedure (whereby the remove the sperm). This will be much cheaper than the original estimate we were given. But before I can finalize the numbers, I need to call the anesthesiologist and the cryo-freezing place and get costs. We’ll have to freeze Shelton’s sperm until we’re ready to use in February. We won’t be able to move forward with this procedure until we have the cash we need. While all of you have been wildly generous, we’re still short the funds we’ll need for this first procedure.

We continue having the financial discussion and how we’re going to pay for this. We’ve made many sacrifices and continue to cut corners wherever we can. Of course, it’s not any fun and few of us like giving up things. But it’s all very worth it and I’m so sure that we’ll get there.

Hopefully, I’ll find out some answers this week and feel a teensy bit closer.

No Room for Seconds

Sunday, July 30th, 2006

They say God doesn’t give us any more than we can handle, and I truly believe that. But I’m sending this as a message to God- my plate is seriously full. I’ve got no room for anything else, even gravy will crack the plate. And I hate gravy anyway so save it for someone else.

There is the constant stress and anxiety of this whole baby situation- constantly stressing, questioning, wondering, hoping. Work has been a little topsy-turvy lately, but I’m bending with that and rather enjoying the changes taking place. I’m the kind of person who breaks out in hives when change occurs. But I’m past that now. I’m ok.

This week some rather serious stuff has happened with my family and I’m just trying to roll with it. It’s a pretty bumpy roll- imagine rolling a square down the side of a mountain. More of a tumble than a roll, wouldn’t you say? There are a number of other things going on right now that are just so out of my hands. I’m really trying to be strong and take it and continue moving forward. But it’s so hard.

My whole life I’ve been like the glue in situations. At least that’s what everyone around me says. So I believe them. But I told Shelton the other night that I’m ready to just be one of the chunky parts that gets to fall off. I didn’t ask to be the tough one, but I guess that’s my job and I have to take it. One more thing God has placed on my plate.

Ok, so what does this have to do w/ my IVF story? Stress, pretty much. I was thinking this weekend how I could just feel through my entire body the stress- the stress of so many different things. I remember reading in “A Few Good Eggs” how so many women let the stress get the better of them and it wrecked their IVF attempts. I refuse to let that happen.

I know all of these events are a test. Testing my spirit, my strength, my heart, my will. And I know I’m going to pass, because I always pass, and I don’t accept any less than that from myself. But why now?

So, while I continue to deal and move through the many things I have going on, including the IVF and infertility, I’m going to work so hard to keep a clear and open mind. I’ve taken quite a hiatus from the gym and can definitely feel, and see, the effects of that. I start going back on Tuesday and I really hope that time will help. I’ve also decided to nix fast food from my diet. And having already cut out pop about 2 years ago, I’m going to up my already heavy intake of water. All of this can only do my body some good. And hopefully flush some of the preventable toxins from my body- and with it take the environmental toxins with it.

A good friend told me a few weeks ago that life keeps throwing me all these lemons, and somehow I keep making the sweetest lemonade. I’m so glad that’s how other people see me handling all these situations. I’m so blessed that my family is pulling together and we’re working through this time as a family. I have incredible friends, and as always, my husband is just a constant rock.

Thanks again to all of you for your support of BabyOrBust and our story. Your many emails and letters of encouragement and support mean the world.

Trip to the Doctor

Friday, July 21st, 2006

Yesterday we went to see Dr. T at the clinic. It’s the first time Shelton has been in since our initial visit. We were primarily there to follow-up on my ovarian cysts and see how they were doing, but also had gone to see Shelton’s urologist an hour before and it was our “where do we go from here” appointment.

All in all, I think it was a great visit. We really felt like we had a chance to sit with Dr. T and ask a lot of questions and get more definitive direction on where we’re headed.

First off, yesterday was my birthday and I tell you there is no greater gift than a trip to the gyno before you’ve had lunch. They say the best gifts come in the smallest packages. (ha!) During my pelvic ultrasound, it appears that my cysts continue to grow, while ever so slightly. He is determined to keep me out of the O.R., which I appreciate. I also discussed the fact that while my periods have been normal my entire life, the past two months I’ve had a 10 day and a 15 day period. What the heck is up with that?! During the ultrasound he found what appears to be a polyp on my uterus and thinks that could possibly be the source of the additional bleeding. He wants me to have one more cycle in August and if it is abnormal at all, I’ll go back and see where we go from there. It sounds like if I’m off then I’ve won a pass straight to the operating room. Luckily, this surgery is covered under our insurance as a gynecological problem.

We also talked to him about our IVF. He told us to sign up for the IVF class that the nurses put on and explains all the details. Ours is scheduled for a Saturday in September. We’ll of course share everything we learn.

I also did the cystic fibrosis test. This is an optional blood test, but one I guess I wanted to have done. We learned that 4% of the US population carries the gene. If I’m a carrier for the gene, then they’ll test Shelton. If I’m not a carrier, then we don’t really need to know about Shelton one way or another. If Shelton and I are both carriers- then we’re left with a really tough question, because there is a greater likelihood we’ll pass on the gene and our child will be born with CF. We’re left to ask if we still want to proceed. My initial thought is that most couples don’t ever have this test and run the risk. I don’t know. Just one more of the really tough questions we’ve been faced with and we’ll have to give it some educated thought and see what we decide. I should have my results next week.

All in all, I think we had a good visit yesterday. We’re in a holding pattern for now until our September class, unless my cyst-tastic body decides to not get any better!

There is no way to understand it unless you’ve been there

Tuesday, July 18th, 2006

This infertility business is for the birds. Too bad the birds and the bees won’t get us what we want!

The first time the doctor says those words to you- that you can’t have a baby on your own- it’s mind-boggling. I remember when we were told everything just seemed so quiet, as if we were the only ones on earth who couldn’t go home, do it and get preggers. How nice would that be?

And look at the irony of how long we spent trying with all of our might not to get pregnant, only to find out we could have spared ourselves all of that… and just enjoyed it!!

In the early days, before we really had a definitive answer, and me always the pessimist, I called my mom to vent. This is who I always call to vent to no matter the topic. I would talk and cry and what if until I’m sure she was ready for me to hang up (just kidding). I remember one day she told me, “Honey, there is no way for me to understand what you’re going through. I popped out 3 kids without even thinking about it.” She was so right. And it dawned on me, unless you’ve been through this, you don’t get it.

Unless you’ve been told you can’t have your own children, you don’t know the unbelievable ache that you feel through your entire body. You don’t know that when you hear the other mommies telling stories about the CUTEST moments in their childrens’ lives, that you just want to cry. You don’t know how it feels every time someone calls to tell you that they’re expecting, you just can’t help but wonder why you weren’t as lucky. Walking through the store past the baby clothes- pure agony.

I’ve heard from SO MANY of you other women facing infertility and you have all said the same thing- no one gets it but us. It’s such an isolating feeling, and yet there are millions of us.

To hear your stories and to feel like I’m finally amongst people who get it is such sweet therapy. I feel your hugs and I hope you feel mine. Together, with our loud voices and our unending desire to be moms (and dads), we will make the world understand. I hope you too are finding some comfort in hearing mine and Shelton’s story.

I promise I’m reading all of your emails, I just can’t keep up with responding to them all! So please don’t hesitate to write and share your experience. I’m hoping to pull some of your great quotes and stories and post them- anonymously of course. We all have so much to share.

Our Cup Runneth Over

Monday, July 17th, 2006

Since the site went up 17 days ago, Shelton and I have been completely overwhelmed with the amount of support we’ve received from not only our friends and families, but people across the globe.

We’re blown away by the number of people writing to us to share their stories and experiences, and showing off their perfect little blessings. Oh yes, lots of baby pics and we enjoy seeing every one of them! Every one of your stories has deeply touched our hearts and I’ve shed more than a few tears. The lengths at which a couple will go to finally become parents- be it IVF, other treatments or adoption- is touching. I never knew so many people were affected by this until we got in the boat with you.

Just an unbelievable thank you to everyone who has written to us and sent in a dollar… or more! We’d love to extend a hug to each of you, but we know that just isn’t possible. We’ve made so many new friends. And to our snail-mail donors, while we can’t respond to all of you, please know that you are so appreciated.

We don’t know that it’s been made clear enough- but we have no intentions of getting rid of Baby or Bust when we’ve reached our goal. We feel like the $20,000 is just the beginning of what Baby or Bust can accomplish. We hope to raise so much awareness with the site… and we hope to raise far more money so that we can offer grants to other couples and help them reach their goal to be parents.

We know the last few posts have just been about the goings on of the site and less about our journey, but we’re kind of at a stand still right now. We have a doctor’s appointment on Thursday and we’ll have plenty of news to share then.

Thank you for being a part of this with us and please keep sharing your stories, we look forward to them so much.

Insurance

Sunday, July 16th, 2006

I wanted to address the topic of insurance. First of all our insurance does not cover infertility treatments of any kind. We do have pretty good insurance though. Here’s how it works:

  • The first $1500 of covered medical expenses for the year is covered at 100%
  • The next $1800 has to be claimed so we can get the insurance company’s negotiated rates, but it is completely out of pocket.
  • We do not get credit toward the $1800 for expenses that would not be covered by the insurance company, although we may still save through the negotiated rates.
  • The rest is covered under various percentages.

We like this plan even though it requires quite a bit of planning before the year begins to figure out how you will stay within budget. We do contrubute to our flexible spending account (FSA) in the amount of about $1300 for the year. This means that if we had a $20,000 surgery we would spend the $1500, then the $1300 from FSA, which insurance views as out-of-pocket, then come up the $500 (1800-1300) on our own. That would leave about $16,900, which the insurance company would cover at probably between 80% and 90%.  Of course, none of this applies to our situation because infertility treatments are not covered.

Some states do require insurance companies to offer infertility treatments. Others require the insurance company to offer the coverage to every employer, who can decide to accept or deny it. For a listing of states and a summary what is covered by their law check out this page on Fertility LifeLines.

Our Progress & Expense page has brief descriptions of our charges so far.  Next to those descriptions you may notice in parenthesis the abbreviations CBI, PI and FSA for “Covered By Insurance”, “Partial Insurance” and “Flexible Spending Account”, respectively. This is to let you know exactly what our expenses are for those of you who want to know what to expect as you go through the process and also exactly where the donations are used since they are not needed for every visit.

Here’s a quick statistic for you: “Spending on IVF is up over 50% over the last five years to over 1 billion dollars last year.” U.S. News and World Report, Sept. 27th 2004, Article: “Making Babies”