There is no way to understand it unless you’ve been there

July 18th, 2006

This infertility business is for the birds. Too bad the birds and the bees won’t get us what we want!

The first time the doctor says those words to you- that you can’t have a baby on your own- it’s mind-boggling. I remember when we were told everything just seemed so quiet, as if we were the only ones on earth who couldn’t go home, do it and get preggers. How nice would that be?

And look at the irony of how long we spent trying with all of our might not to get pregnant, only to find out we could have spared ourselves all of that… and just enjoyed it!!

In the early days, before we really had a definitive answer, and me always the pessimist, I called my mom to vent. This is who I always call to vent to no matter the topic. I would talk and cry and what if until I’m sure she was ready for me to hang up (just kidding). I remember one day she told me, “Honey, there is no way for me to understand what you’re going through. I popped out 3 kids without even thinking about it.” She was so right. And it dawned on me, unless you’ve been through this, you don’t get it.

Unless you’ve been told you can’t have your own children, you don’t know the unbelievable ache that you feel through your entire body. You don’t know that when you hear the other mommies telling stories about the CUTEST moments in their childrens’ lives, that you just want to cry. You don’t know how it feels every time someone calls to tell you that they’re expecting, you just can’t help but wonder why you weren’t as lucky. Walking through the store past the baby clothes- pure agony.

I’ve heard from SO MANY of you other women facing infertility and you have all said the same thing- no one gets it but us. It’s such an isolating feeling, and yet there are millions of us.

To hear your stories and to feel like I’m finally amongst people who get it is such sweet therapy. I feel your hugs and I hope you feel mine. Together, with our loud voices and our unending desire to be moms (and dads), we will make the world understand. I hope you too are finding some comfort in hearing mine and Shelton’s story.

I promise I’m reading all of your emails, I just can’t keep up with responding to them all! So please don’t hesitate to write and share your experience. I’m hoping to pull some of your great quotes and stories and post them- anonymously of course. We all have so much to share.