Posts Tagged ‘pregnancy symptoms’

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Pregnancy Week 25

Monday, January 18th, 2010

So we just wrapped week 25. I need to make little notes to myself throughout the week because by the time I sit down to write this I’m like, “Well, I know some stuff happened…”.

Blame it on the pregnancy brain. This is something I always chocked up to being a pregnancy myth, but my God is it so very real! I’m a total space cadet some days, just staring without a clue what I should be doing.

On the other hand, I think that nesting bug might be starting to show itself as when I’m not spacing I can’t seem to get enough done. Yesterday, for instance, I took on Sam’s, the grocery store, Target, and then took down and packed up all the Christmas decorations. I keep getting this overwhelming since that WE ARE NOT READY! I mean, we only have a crib, five pairs of socks and a sippy cup she can’t use until Halloween. I want to go to Babies R Us and Target and stock up on anything and everything we do and could possibly need and start stacking it up. But that makes no sense. I have an incredible group of family and friends who are collectively throwing three showers this spring… so I need to wait. The likelihood of getting five diaper genies is probably inevitable, and I certainly won’t need the sixth that I purchase myself.

Last week I took an afternoon off work and treated myself to an hour-long pre-natal massage (compliments of said work). I can’t even express how much I needed this. My back is shot, and currently this is my greatest and most legitimate complaint. If I’m standing “straight,” my back looks like the capital letter C. My yoga helps and I’m trying to get up and move as much as I can during the day. Shelton’s great about trying to work out the kinks too. I’m just carrying so much extra weight up front that I feel like my back is screaming MAYDAY and waving a white flag. That or the baby has actually wrapped herself around my spine and is riding it like a fireman’s pole.

Duh, Duh, Duhhhhh…. the spotting is back. Oh is it back. I think today is like 11 days straight. I waited a week this time to call the doctor and the response was the same as usual – this is normal for you, as long as it doesn’t dramatically change, baby is moving normally, etc. etc. then you’re fine. I don’t panic about it like I did in the early days, it’s just annoying and certainly offers a little sense of unease.

But moving normally she is! My goodness, this kid is a mover and a shaker. (Dear God, please don’t let it be her father’s ADD!! Amen and thank you.) She’s active throughout the day and then gives us one final show as we climb in to bed and I don’t hear anything out of her again until breakfast. Sometimes during one of my 37 nightly trips to the bathrooms she’ll say hey, but otherwise I’m either numb to it or she’s just a good night sleeper, and we really, REALLY hope that continues when she gets here.

We had the opportunity to have dinner with some dear friends who were in town this past week. They are due exactly two weeks before us with a little girl and we told one another we were pregnant on the same day. It’s so exciting to be sharing this with them! Over dinner the Mister of the couple commented on how it seems I have every pregnancy symptom you could. I laughed and agreed. The Missus of the couple seems to be having the most uneventful, effortless pregnancy (good for her!). He asked if I were at least enjoying it and I realized, maybe I complain about the aches, pains and symptoms too much. I can’t even describe how much I’m enjoying being pregnant. It’s positively amazing and has exceeded every expectation I had. I think Shelton would echo that.

It’s going to be very bittersweet when our little girl gets here. This is the only time I’m going to be pregnant, and I think I’m going to be very sad to let it go. But I’m sure the joy from having our daughter in our arms will make up for it!

Last week we finally got confirmation on where we will be delivering. It’s not my choice hospital, but, I’m hearing a lot of good things and we’re going to make the most of it.

So now we’re starting the last week of this second trimester and OH DEAR GOD SOMEONE HOLD ME we’re on the homeward stretch. Woohoo!

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The 5 a.m. Meltdown

Saturday, January 16th, 2010

So it’s 5:30 in the morning. I’ve been awake since 3. WIDE awake since three. Currently I’m sitting here in the dark living room in front of the glow of my laptop sobbing all over myself.

I am just so tired. And I think your brain does funny things when you’re this exhausted. All the stresses that hide deep inside, those are the real monsters under your bed. They only come out when you’re most vulnerable – alone, in the dark, wide awake at some ungodly time of day.

Every single day I feel like the to do list just gets longer and I can’t keep up with it. When the baby gets here it’s just one more person depending on me to make it all work. I’ve learned a lot during this pregnancy, about myself, about my marriage, about my husband, about life. It’s been a very fast paced six months so far, and boy have I learned a lot.

Primarily about myself, I’m as typical Type A Personality as they come. In fact, they probably met me and then wrote the definition. I’m a high-strung busy body who does not know how (nor want) to ask for help, who can’t sit still, must always be completing a task and constantly worried/stressing about something. Anything. Whether it’s how to help my company continue growing or what we’re going to have for dinner. It’s constant. I truly don’t know how to shut my brain down.

I’m feeling the stress and reality of bringing this little baby home and not have a mother effing clue what to do with her or for her. Clearly I’m barely equipped to care for myself. And I mean that in the philosophical sense of am I really the right person to teach her right and wrong?; and I mean that in the sense of you know, some weeks, we just don’t have enough money, how will I get diapers or clothes or anything else she needs?

Our housing situation gives me ulcers. I’m probably getting a new one right now just thinking about it. One of the most common questions people ask a pregnant woman is “how’s the nursery coming along?” And my response is always “it’s not, we’ll get to it.” Meanwhile I want to cry and throw up at the same time. My Type A Personality would have had that room done in October, but my reality takes over and there is no room. I’m almost 30 years old, I’ve followed the “life checklist” to the letter, I’ve done all of it right, and yet I’m finally ready to bring my first child home and I don’t know where that is. (It’s REALLY hard to cry quietly as to not wake your spouse with a stopped up nose!) We’re renting, a house that will likely be put up for sell near our due date. We’d love to buy this house, who wouldn’t? It’s an amazing house. But we have no cash. IVF drained us. In fact, a fair chunk of it is sitting on the credit card that feels like we’ll never ever pay off. And we knew it would, we knew we’d walk in to that clinic with everything we had (and I mean that in more than just money), and my God did we get damn lucky. It’s truly overwhelming when I think about what we’ve done in the past eight months.

I know it will work out, it always does. But what if it doesn’t? What if this is the time our lucky breaks just don’t workout. I’ll have to decorate the front seat of the Xterra for the baby to sleep in… and I don’t know that the art I have is going to fit.

I worry my job and how I’m going to make that transition back after she’s here, and be able to give it as much commitment, dedication and heart as I have before. Likewise, give her all the same attention. I love my job for so many more reasons that I can even describe. It truly makes my heart ache to think I wouldn’t be able to give it all I’ve got. But I know I will. I’ve watched women for years balance home and work and do it with grace and no one misses a deadline or a hug and the world keeps spinning. But the question isn’t if THEY can do it, they question is if I can do it.

We start our third trimester next week and part of me really, really needs April to just get here so we can do this already. I’m impatient and I always need everything to happen more quickly that is. The other part of me really needs her to just hang out in there for like, a year. I need more time.

I’ve managed to not become an emotional sap pile during this pregnancy. Which is truly an accomplishment for me. Hormonal bitchy rages, that’s the way my pendulum is swinging. So all this rambling just means I clearly needed to detox some hormone stock pile. Shelton tells me every day not to stress, not to worry, to let him handle all of that. But how is that fair? It’s not. He handles stress so much differently than I do. Mine stews and steams inside like a pressure cooker until I’m standing at the Walgreens photo lab and my one-hour photos aren’t ready and I yell at the 60-year old photo lab clerk as if she’s responsible for the server not uploading my pictures. (True story. Sadly.) Shelton rolls with the punches and I throw them.

Deep down, I know we’re fine. I know we’ll be fine. There’s just so much unknown and uncertainty swimming around in my head that I can’t think. I clearly can’t sleep. I don’t deal well with unknown and uncertain. I need schedules, plans, organized thoughts and detailed task lists. It’s like oxygen. Right now I feel like we’re very low on our stock of oxygen and even my Sam’s Club membership can’t replenish it.

So now it’s six a.m. SIX! I get up at EIGHT every single day. I’ve now been awake for 3 hours. WHAT THE HELL!?!? Part of me is almost thankful for these sleepless nights I’ve been having and waking up at these ridiculous hours. Going to have to get used to it at some point, right?

When I get the chance, I’m going back to find the 13-year-old version of me and tell her to just chill out already. Take your time because man once that ball starts rolling it doesn’t stop and life is like a hormonal pregnancy lady sometimes and you can’t smack her, you just have to deal.

Dear God I need a drink.

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Mama Got a Massage

Thursday, January 14th, 2010

Oh my word! I got an hour-long massage today and it was so good I almost cried. For Christmas I received two prenatal massages and I cashed in the first one this afternoon. (Meaning I’ve got another stellar rub down waiting for me!)

If you’ve been following at all you know that my back pain is probably the worst part of this pregnancy, and it just keeps getting worse. It’s agonizing, and has taught me that with all the furniture we have in this house, there is not one piece that is comfortable. In any position. At any time of day. Ever. At all.

Except my yoga ball, which Santa brought me. I sit on that thing all day and it relieves so much pressure in my back. (Plus, Tibet is scared to death of it so it’s kind of fun, in an evil way, to roll it at her!)

I explained all my aches and pains to my masseuse, a good friend too, and did she give every knot the attention it needed.

Last night was the most brutally sleepless night of my entire life. The Tylenol PM I took might as well have been a Skittle for all the value it added. I think I changed positions every 10 minutes the entire night. I’m hoping that I sleep very soundly tonight as I still savor my post-massage fog.

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Pregnancy Week 24

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

Seriously, those weekly numbers might look like they’re getting bigger, but really they’re get smaller. SO MUCH SMALLER!!! Currently I’m in my 25th week and that means we’re 15 short weeks of meeting this little cutie. Someone hold me. And rub my gums with vodka… or cranberry juice… or both.

All kidding aside we’re both balls of nerves right now as we realize how close we are. We’re two weeks shy of the third trimester and I don’t feel any more prepared than I did two trimesters ago. Hold that thought, we have five pairs of newborn baby socks and a package of infant forks and spoons. I think we’re good! We’re so anxious to meet her and hold her and get this journey started with her, yet, I don’t think either of us has any idea what lies ahead of us. And I’m a super anal planner/organizer/etc. So my neurosis is kicking in as I try to wrap my brain around taking on the biggest event of both of our lives with little more than the knowledge that for girls you have to wipe front to back.

Week 24 was a very, very busy one. The beginning of the year is always an insane amount of work over there at my day job DietsInReview.com. Tuesday’s Biggest Loser premiere meant I worked a 16 hour day (straight… I stopped for 30 minutes to eat dinner). No, that’s not my norm, and for good reason, I was an achy, crabby, sore, tired mush ball the next day. But sometimes it’s got to get done. The end of the week meant a house full of family and friends for our belated Christmas celebration. Four whole days of house guests, hosted meals and other shenanigans that was incredibly memorable, very fun and left me wiped out.

By Friday morning I woke up to find that I was spotting… again! I don’t even stress about this anymore. My nurse explained that it’s just the way my pregnancy is going. I’ve learned that it only happens when I’ve pushed too hard and my body is stressed and strained. It’s a literal red flag that I need to stop and/or slow down. And so I do. As much as I can. Because I’m a busy body and I’m incapable of letting the world pass by without me actively being a part of it. On Sunday we had a load of housework to do and the third of four hosted meals to prep for, and as I slowly shuffled around do this and doing that, Shelton basically told me to stop. He was amazing and stepped up to take care of the very long list I had in my head that day. I was a complete stress ball as I sat idly by watching and instructing, trying my hardest to just be still and relax. I did manage to have them “let me” snap green beans from the living room chair.

Other recent symptoms include the endless back pain. I got a huge yoga ball for Christmas and have converted this to a chair when necessary, and let me tell you, it’s a God send! It relieves so much pressure in my back, hips and even legs. Plus, I can get in a little exercise while I hang out on here, too! I still have bloody noses. Not sure if I mentioned this previously. I’ve been waking up with these for about a month now. Doc said it’s normal w/ pregnancy, not to mention the dry, cold winter air. We’ve cranked the humidifier in the house and I’m otherwise dealing. This is odd but I’ve also noticed that my fingers get pruney very quickly in the shower. As in, by the time I finish washing my hair (usually my first bathing task) my fingers are wrinkled. Not sure what that’s about.

Every few weeks I’ll look down or walk past a mirror and go “whoa! that belly is big!”, and this week was one of those. I swear it just happens over night. I look down the other day and this belly is bigger, rounder and firmer. I think the firmness is coming from the baby mostly, just the way she positions herself and moves I got these “walls” under my skin that can be somewhat uncomfortable. She found my bladder and has no qualms kicking it. It’s almost like that funny bone sensation in that it’s kind of indescribable and hurts but not really. It’s strange, and it makes me pee more!

Other than that everything is hunky dory and normal.

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Pregnancy Week 23 and OB Visit Week 23

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

Oh what a week! Not as bad as the past few have been, yet still not the starfish kisses that everyone promised second trimester would be. I liked week 23.

I had my monthly visit with my OB. And as much as I like going every four weeks and having him reassure me that there is in fact still a baby inside of my uterus, I’m going to be perfectly honest… these appointments are pointless. I’m learning that short of having a foot hanging out of my vagina, no one is going to react to anything. NO ONE WILL REACT! Which is disappointing for a person like me who, well, likes it when people react to things I say and do. He measured my belly and that was the only “test” he did. Apparently it was fine. I at least took a long list of questions with me to make it worth my while for going down there.

Whether I’m more sensitive to it or it’s just trending, I’ve been hearing a lot about pre-term deliveries lately. This completely freaks me out. And Dr. W was reassuring in telling me that they have no idea what actually causes pre-term and he can’t tell what to do or not to do to avoid it. Awesome.

I asked about the bloody noses that I wake up with every morning. He told me I’m pregnant. Awesome.

I asked about the heartburn I have that would make a dragon cry and “radiates in my knee caps,” according to Juno. Ah ha! A solution. Prevacid or Pepcid.

We spent the weekend of Christmas in Oklahoma City with Shelton’s family. We got to catch-up with friends over a very long lunch and it was as if the past two years hadn’t lapsed at all. It was one of those four-hour lunches where we left with cheeks hurting from laughing so hard. They cooed over my belly and I soaked it up! There was confusion over our baby name and they thought it was Petunia. It is definitely NOT Petunia! We also got to spend two whole days with our nieces and nephew. I absolutely am in love with those babies. My nephew, Stone, is one of these boys who charges you when he wants to hug. It’s adorable, and I’ve indulged this behavior for nearly four years, scooping him in to my arms with each charge. We both had to learn that pregnant people can’t pick-up charging 3.5-year-olds… and 3.5-year-old boys can’t charge pregnant aunts.

One of the highlights of the week was, of course, continuing to feel the baby moving. I will seriously sit here and laugh out loud (that’s normal English for “LOL”) when she gets on a roll. Each week her kicks and punches get stronger and the sessions last longer. This past week, they got so strong that I didn’t even have to touch my belly to feel her, my stomach just moved. It’s insane! Feeling her moving, rolling, punching and kicking is absolutely the highlight of my pregnancy and I think it is this that I will miss most when she’s resting in my arms.

We did two road trips this past week – one to OKC and one to Topeka to celebrate the new year. I swore off planes a few weeks ago and I’m not too far off from swearing off car trips longer than 20 minutes. We have to stop all the time for me to pee, eat something or get up and walk. There is absolutely not one comfortable position in those seats. Driving helps some, but I hate driving and Shelton hates when I drive.

Our New Year’s Eve celebration was fantastic. It not only marks the start of a new year (clearly!) but also the anniversary of when Shelton and I started dating. At midnight of 01/01/01 we kissed and we’ve been doing so every new year since. Maybe one or two other times during the year. 01/01/10 marked nine years… which means we’ve actually known each other for more than ten, and that’s astonishing to me. We spend each Eve with some of our best friends in Topeka for a stay-at-home party that is always themed. This year I was fat and when someone suggested PJ Party I said yes! So we all sported jammies and had a comfy, cozy celebration. I actually made it all the way to 12:45am… even though around 8:30pm my eyes were doing that rapid-blink thing struggling to stay open. I also had a martini glass filled with “pregnancy sangria” all night long, and while I jealously watched everyone sip bubbly at midnight, at least it wasn’t water.

As if my cousin’s long-john style PJs with the butt flap weren’t entertainment enough, my pregnant boobs took center-stage and were the topic of conversation throughout the night. Apparently I’m supposed to change the name of the site to Baby AND Bust. I’ve known they’ve gotten bigger. I mean come on, I’d have to be blind and paralyzed from the neck down not to realize the expansion project taking place in the middle of my chest. But it’s one of those things that you don’t quite realize just how big they’ve gotten until someone points it out. And people pointed, literally. It was all in good humor and I’m glad that I was able to provide such robust entertainment for the evening.

Finally, we finished the week by registering. Yay!!! I’ve been waiting to get through the holidays to do so. The next few weeks are pretty insane for us and my first shower is the end of February, so I thought we should just get it done. Shelton was really stressed about it. He thought we needed a plan or a strategy. And I was like, we’re going to scan baby wipes, what kind of strategy do we need? We went to Babies R Us and quickly realized that ALL OF THE PREGNANT PEOPLE IN WICHITA go there to register on Saturday afternoons. The BRU staff has clearly done this before and they got us set-up with a gun and on our way in a matter of minutes. It helped that I had registered online so we didn’t have to go through all of that in the store. I started crying when they handed me the gun. Just another one of those moments that I thought would never be ours. So many times I’ve walked in to BRU to buy gifts for friends and walked out of their crying each and every time. And here I was crying inside the store because I finally got to be there for us, and it felt so good! I think we did pretty well, considering we have no idea what we’re doing. When faced with 400 different varieties of baby bottles, strollers, diapers and other ESSENTIAL baby items, we typically opted for the brands we commonly see friends or family using. That was our on-the-spot research method. We were actually pretty reasonable about the whole thing, so we think, only scanning items we really needed and straying from the over-hyped plethora of YOUR BABY WILL NEVER LEARN TO WALK WITHOUT THIS SUPER TRENDY VERY EXPENSIVE HOUSEHOLD CLEANER WITH A PICTURE OF A BABY ON THE FRONT type items. Then we went to Target where my back and feet finally gave out and we spent one more hour scanning a few items. We’re just that much closer to getting her here!!!

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Pregnancy Week 22

Monday, December 28th, 2009

What a doozy of a week this was… again! I think I have pregnancy bi-polar disorder. PBPD, or Pib-Pid. It’s a self diagnosis. I had days this past week where I was so downright nasty and bitchy I didn’t want to be around myself. One day the dog wouldn’t even come in to my office. I threw pill bottles. Yelled at not one, but two, Walgreen’s clerks.

In one breath I could go from laughing and smiling and carrying on about how much I love ponies to crying and hissing and screaming. Do your hormones come in like the milk does? Do they just arrive? Whether they do or not, they did.

Fortunately, Christmas Eve rolled around and the Christmas spirit found me and my mood has been A-OK ever since. I don’t tend to get Christmas fever until Christmas Eve. Never have. I am most certainly not one of these people who decorates the house and has a tree lit by mid-November. No, I like to take on one holiday at a time. Get past Thanksgiving and then we’ll talk. Then I think the hub-bub of Christmas for weeks and weeks leaves me disinterested. But Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are certainly two of my favorite days of the year.

This year felt like an especially memorable one. In one way it was fun to have “baby on board” for our first pregnant Christmas. On the other we were saying farewell to Christmases with just the two of us. I was just bubbling over the fact that this time next year I get to play Santa. How cool will that be?!

The baby is definitely a mover and getting to be more so with each passing day. We have a bit of a schedule, early morning, noon and night. And then several encore presentations throughout the day. I absolutely love it. Can’t get enough. I think it’s the most fantastic thing I’ve ever experienced and I would do IVF over again if it meant feeling that little kick or roll just once. It makes this all the more real. I love that I can actually feel this little person growing inside of me. She will kick so hard sometimes that I can see my stomach moving. I feel really bad for Shelton though. She’ll be on a kicking rampage and I’ll say “Quick! Come feel.” The second he touches my stomach she stops cold and won’t move again.

My back pain has reached the threshold of hell. Nothing relieves the pain, believe me I’ve tried it. Mondays and Tuesdays I hurt the least because I do yoga on Monday. So I really need to get a DVD or something and continue doing yoga throughout the week.

I have lots of crazy pregnancy dreams. For instance, two nights ago, I dreamed that William Shatner was the father of my child. If only that came with a sizable Star Trek trust fund!

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