Posts Tagged ‘IVF’

IVF Shots Day 15 – Stim Day 6

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

Folks, yesterday was a breeze!! I felt great all day long, save for some random nausea that lasted about an hour mid-afternoon. This headache is still lingering but I’ve decided it can suck it and choosing to ignore it. That is when it’s not beating on the back of my eyeballs like the police on a door in the middle of the night.

Shelton and I have a fantastic system for my morning Lupron shots. I do absolutely nothing and he does everything! It’s marvelous. He leaves for work about an hour before I wake up, and it’s better for the safety of everyone in our neighborhood if he not speak to me before I’ve had time to really wake up. So he walks over in the morning, pulls the blanket back, gently says good morning and swabs my stomach with alcohol and then does the Lupron injection. It’s so fast and painless I probably wouldn’t know he’s doing it if he didn’t let me know, we do a quick kiss goodbye and I go back to dreaming.

I took myself on a date last night, and let me tell you, it was hot! I’ve got some birthday money stashed from last week so I used it to get a pedicure and then a plate full of yummy Mexican food at Abuelo’s. It’s one of the few places I have no qualms about eating by myself. I sat at the bar, enjoyed some chips and salsa, green chili chicken enchiladas, and a beer. An ice-cold, touch of lime, Dos Equis lager off the tap and it was SOOOOO GOOOD!!! I savored every sip. It was just one and I haven’t had a drink for about a week, and considering how great I’ve been feeling, figured it couldn’t hurt. Then, I tried to grab a new book but they were sold out. Finally, I returned home in time to give myself the Menopur shot and watch Bachelorette: After the final rose.

For the record, I do not typically watch this show. But the trainer, Matt Johnson, at DietsInReview.com was on this season so I watched the whole damn thing and got sucked in like a hopeless romantic college freshman. While I really wanted to see her with Reid, I think she and Ed make a stellar match!!

Shelton had class last night which meant I was on my own for the evening Menopur shot. I had talked to my mom about coming over to do it, but then at the last minute I sent her a text to say I was fine and could handle it. Total lie. I was completely freaking out. I didn’t want her to do it, nor anyone else for that matter. I wanted Shelton, but he wasn’t available, so I had to do it myself. These Menopur shots really hurt. I’m not being dramatic, they are awful. I trust how Shelton does them and we’ve gotten comfortable in the way in which we do the shots. I was too panicked to deal with anyone else. Shelton offered to let me drive to the school and he could do the shot in the car… but getting the Menopur shot mixed and ready required 46 separate supplies and by the time we’re done our bathroom looks like a chemistry lab. And let’s just say the Xterra isn’t exactly a sterile environment. And for that matter, neither is the public restroom at the school.

So alas, there I am in the bathroom trying not to cry. I had the hardest time getting everything mixed. The pressure in the syringe as I was drawing the liquid out would force the liquid back into the vials and out of the syringe. I felt like I had a big backwash mess of Menopur. I finally got the syringe loaded, spot on my abdomen clean, and watched the needle go in and started the injection. I swear to God everything goes into slow motion when I’m giving myself shots. The same thing happened two weeks ago with the Lupron. I HATE IT!!! It hurt like hell and I was certain I didn’t do it right – I kept watching to see if it was going to spill out of my stomach or get another gynormous bruise to match the one on the left of my belly button. But all is well. I didn’t break anything.

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The Benefits of the IVF Waiting Game

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

I’ve gotten this question before and when I responded to a “KJ” last night, I thought this was something I’d go ahead and share with everyone.

“…wanted to ask you how the wait was cause it looks about 18 months for us…”

How was the wait? Honestly, it was a blessing in disguise. We first started trying five years ago and I think all the time – what if we had gotten pregnant then? Or what if we had done the IVF 3.5 years ago when we found out. I think about all the things we’ve done in that time – where we’ve gone, things we’ve done, our careers, etc. and realize that most of it wouldn’t have been possible with a baby. So while my ovaries have screamed at me more times than I care to count and I’ve watched nearly every person we know have a baby, including my little sister last week, and drooled, cooed, ahhed and jealousy watched them hold their babies…. I’ve been grateful too. I’ll never ever get this time back. I’ll never have this chance again to take a career risk like I did 2 years ago, or sleep in every Sunday morning with my husband, or stay out much later than planned with friends, or any number of other things we’ve done BECAUSE WE’RE IN OUR 20s! I’ll never get this time back alone with my husband, just the two of us. We’ve had eight years together as a duo and it’s been precious and perfect. I think we’re going to scratch our 7-year-itch by turning this into a trio!

Anytime someone asks about waiting, baby vs. no baby, and how they wish they could just get pregnant already – I remind myself, and them if they want, that it will happen when it’s supposed to happen. And rather than having spent the past five years pouting, moping and being generally depressed about the fact that we don’t have a baby yet, I spent that time enjoying my life, appreciating what I DO HAVE, and putting my energy into building as positive a marriage and life as I possibly can into which I can bring that little burping, pooping, screaming cuddly monster home.

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IVF Shots Day 14 – Stim Day 5

Monday, July 27th, 2009

No wonder I’m so tired. I apparently spent the weekend making eggs. Twelve to be exact. Just call me dodeca-mom – I’ve got 12 eggs inside me! I had my ultrasound at 8am, and think I probably showed the clinic staff how much I’m not a morning person. We were told everything looks “absolutely perfect.”

Yesterday afternoon I started noticing some dull pain in my pelvic region and right side. I liken the pain to what I usually feel when I have ovarian cysts. Almost like a pulled or strained muscle sensation, or as if I had a kidney infection. I knew something was up when I noticed that. Sure enough today they found eight eggs on my right ovary, and four on the left. She said I might make a few more, but for now we just want these to grow. The goal is 16mm – currently the largest are 12mm and the smallest are 8mm (if I remember correctly). They did blood work today and found that my estrogen level is 572 (normal is about 400). On retrieval day they estimate it will be around 4000. Finally, we learned that my retrieval day could be 8/3 or 8/4, but of course won’t know for certain for a few more days.

This morning I really didn’t feel well at all. The headache is still here, a little nausea, and extremely fatigued. I did today what I’ve been saying I need to do for days – I took a nap! And not just a catnap, but two whole hours! I felt much better after I woke up and had a little lunch. By the time the evening started I started feeling tired again. So I’ve been resting all night.

My Menopur shot tonight HURT LIKE HELL! I mean, I screamed. And Shelton removed the needle and had to stick me again. The needle is longer than other needles we’ve used and so he thinks he might have hit muscle tonight, saying it felt like he’d actually hit something when he stuck me. Whatever it was, it was awful and I hope we don’t have any more shots like that.

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IVF Shots Day 13 – Stim Day 4

Monday, July 27th, 2009

BLAHHHHHHHHH. Yesterday sucked. (So far today’s not much better.) I was such a crab all day yesterday I was even getting on my own nerves. It didn’t help that the lasagna I’d spent all afternoon making ended up burned. I mean, underneath the rock-hard crunch layer was a pretty good lasagna. I was fuming I was so mad!!

We did have my mom over for dinner, and I served her the burned lasagna, and she pretended to like it so much she took some home. (Is that what moms do? Eat their kids’ burned lasagnas?) It was nice to have her over for a little bit. Maybe she was having an off day too because we just bitched and complained for an hour about this, that and the other. Shelton went downstairs and returned about half an hour later and said “God! Are you guys still bitching?” Yes, Shelton we were. And if you knew what was best, you’d go right back downstairs and stop asking questions.

Last night we started the Menopur. This one has been causing me anxiety because it’s like… chemistry lab or something! We have these powders and sodium chloride and it all has to be mixed and injected into this needle and then into that needle. Certainly more complicated than what we’ve been dealing with, but totally manageable. We’re scheduled to do that through Wednesday, but then I believe we’ll start penciling in our doses each day after that.

This. Headache. Will. Not. Go. Away. EVER!! Where are we, like day 7…8…9? I can’t keep track. All I know is that it’s like an inconvenient zit that not only won’t go away, but keeps getting bigger and more conspicuous all the time. I’ve simply stopped taking anything for it. Nothing works. I’m not a big “take medicine” person anyway, and considering all the stuff I’m on right now, if it’s not alleviating the problem then I’m just not going to worry about it.

I had a mini meltdown last night. Much like the others, out of the clear blue sky, completely unprovoked. I just start crying. Told Shelton I’m tired of doing this. I mean, really? I’ve had final exams that were worse than this has been. If you’d tried to tell me that last night, I’d have probably scratched out your eyes. It seemed completely rational at the time. This morning I’m thinking, what a drama queen! It could have also been that I was so tired all day long and, guess what, I didn’t REST or take a NAP or just CHILL OUT! Instead, I worked all day. I put in a full work day yesterday… working right up until bed time at 11pm. Shelton was a little peeved about that, reminding me that I need to rest.

So here we are, Monday morning and we’re starting our third week of shots. Here’s to hoping everything continues to trend toward the positive.

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IVF Shots Day 12 – Stim Day 3

Sunday, July 26th, 2009

Yesterday, I’m not going to lie, was pretty good. My nagging headache still nagged, but stayed in the background. I managed to get in a little extra sleep, but no naps. I didn’t really leave time for naps though. As I’ve mentioned before I’m a total busy body and I kept myself pretty active yesterday.

Shelton failed to turn off his alarm for the weekend, so yesterday morning at 6:45 the alarm sounded. He hit snooze three times until I finally snapped “TURN IT OFF!” We drifted back to sleep about 7:15. At 8:30 I woke up in a panic thinking I’d missed my Lupron shot. With 30 minutes to spare I tapped Shelton and told him we needed to “juice.” He’s such a doll. I stayed in bed, which is now our regular routine, and he prepped everything for the shot and then stuck me. I immediately went back to sleep and got up at 9:30. Shelton, on the other hand, slept until 10:45. There aren’t a lot of Saturdays that look that way around here and we’ll take them where we can get them.

The rest of the day was busy with house cleaning, grocery shopping and other errands. We made plans to spend the evening with my cousin’s family. We’d decided to meet them at 6pm for dinner at her mom’s house followed by games and shenanigans. After we made the plans I had this OMG moment… my Gonal-F shot had to be done between 7 and 9. For a moment I considered canceling, then knew I’d just be depressed all night that we’d sat around and done nothing because of a shot that takes 15 seconds. So I packed the Gonal-F pen in a cup with some ice, packed my injection supplies in a baggy in my purse, and then at 7:15 did my shot in their bathroom. The whole thing was, of course, no big deal.

We were out until about midnight. Probably not the best move, because I was wide awake when we returned home and ended up sitting awake until 2am.

To summarize this post – IVF wise, yesterday was completely uneventful.

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IVF Shots Day 11 – Stim Day 2

Friday, July 24th, 2009

What is a stim day you might be asking? It’s short for “stimulation” day. We actually started stimulating my ovaries yesterday. Full on sky rocket of the egg production, folks!

Today was like a 5 out of 10, if we’re grading things. I got to sleep in a pinch today and then powered through a full work day. I didn’t change out of my jammies until 6:00pm when Shelton got home, and then only because we needed to go to the grocery store. I’m still just so tired. I keep telling myself to take a nap mid-afternoon, but emails and whatnot tend to take priority. We’re not talking some long afternoon snoozefest, like a 30-45-minute cat nap to just refresh. Alas, it’s the weekend and maybe I’ll stock up on sleeping in and nap times for the next two days.

I think this headache might become a permanent part of who I am. Much like a new freckle or an inconveniently grown hair. I think this headache started on Sunday… I feel like I’ve lost track. The title of this blog should be IVF Shots…. – Stim Day 2 – Headache Day 94. It’s getting to be a bit ridiculous. Advil does not work. Tylenol does not work. I was recommended Excedrin Migraine, but that just makes my teeth chatter uncontrollably and I feel like I’m on a magic carpet ride. I asked the pharmacist tonight what she recommended. When I said I’m currently taking Lupron and Gonal-F she just stared at me blankly as if I were talking to her about something NOT in her area of expertise. Like car repair or modern plumbing.

So I bought ice cream. I love the no-sugar-added Edy’s Slow Churned. The texture is awesome and it tastes fantastic, and I don’t feel as guilty for loading up an oversized coffee cup drizzled, make that doused, in Hershey’s syrup. I also made sloppy janes for dinner (with ground turkey) and guacamole. And a sweet pickle. I told Shelton this was a practice run for bizarre pregnancy cravings.

The Lupron shot was easy this morning and the Gonal-F shot was fine tonight, except that since the injection spot is very sore. A friend asked if I were starting to feel like a pin cushion yet. Maybe a little. Shelton really is doing a great job administering the shots. He’s always takes the best care of me, but lately I’ve noticed him being a little more attentive. I told him last night that I feel like I’m loving him more lately. I’m anxious all day for him to return from work and all I want to do when he gets home is be with him. I was laying in the bed tonight waiting for my Gonal shot, watching him in the bathroom prep the needle, and I just thought how surreal this all is. That we’re actually doing this. That he’s been sticking me with needles for 11 days. Thinking about why we’re doing this. And I’m proud of us. Proud of us for coming as far as we have, for not letting this break us, for remaining positive, for talking about all of it.

It’s very true what they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. We are most certainly that. I’ve heard so many stories about couples whose relationships completely crack, and in some cases shatter, under the weight of infertility and IVF. Our pieces are securely in place. If we get nothing else out of this, I’ll be glad for the stronger relationship we have because of it.