Posts Tagged ‘FAQ’

The Benefits of the IVF Waiting Game

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

I’ve gotten this question before and when I responded to a “KJ” last night, I thought this was something I’d go ahead and share with everyone.

“…wanted to ask you how the wait was cause it looks about 18 months for us…”

How was the wait? Honestly, it was a blessing in disguise. We first started trying five years ago and I think all the time – what if we had gotten pregnant then? Or what if we had done the IVF 3.5 years ago when we found out. I think about all the things we’ve done in that time – where we’ve gone, things we’ve done, our careers, etc. and realize that most of it wouldn’t have been possible with a baby. So while my ovaries have screamed at me more times than I care to count and I’ve watched nearly every person we know have a baby, including my little sister last week, and drooled, cooed, ahhed and jealousy watched them hold their babies…. I’ve been grateful too. I’ll never ever get this time back. I’ll never have this chance again to take a career risk like I did 2 years ago, or sleep in every Sunday morning with my husband, or stay out much later than planned with friends, or any number of other things we’ve done BECAUSE WE’RE IN OUR 20s! I’ll never get this time back alone with my husband, just the two of us. We’ve had eight years together as a duo and it’s been precious and perfect. I think we’re going to scratch our 7-year-itch by turning this into a trio!

Anytime someone asks about waiting, baby vs. no baby, and how they wish they could just get pregnant already – I remind myself, and them if they want, that it will happen when it’s supposed to happen. And rather than having spent the past five years pouting, moping and being generally depressed about the fact that we don’t have a baby yet, I spent that time enjoying my life, appreciating what I DO HAVE, and putting my energy into building as positive a marriage and life as I possibly can into which I can bring that little burping, pooping, screaming cuddly monster home.

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Monday, July 10th, 2006

Something we discussed very early on and is often the subject of many questions we’re asked is adoption. It’s something I’d never really given much thought to, but the second we learned of our infertility it immediately showed up on my radar.

Early on we agreed if we aren’t able to have children of our own, we will definitely pursue adoption. Our families have been on the giving and receiving sides of adoption- so it’s not something we’re unfamiliar with. And we’ve seen first hand the joy and love that these babies bring to their new parents, and vice versa.

Shelton and I talked on the way home from that visit where we learned that we’d have to do IVF and he asked me why would we even pursue this, why not just go straight for adoption. But I knew we had to give our baby a chance. I know somewhere out there our baby is waiting for us- and I have to do everything within my power to get it here. And if we’ve exhausted that possibility, look out adoption- here we come.

I do have a greater respect for people who have both given their babies for adoption and those who have brought them home as their own. I’m beginning to learn that is one of the most loving and selfless acts a person can do. But like I said, I’m just not ready to give up on the possibility of little Brandi/Shelton baby. The odds are stacked in our favor for the best outcome with IVF and we’re hanging on to that hope. Right now, it’s all we’ve got.

Thank you to everyone who has written to us with this question. We hope this will help answer that question.

Please see the FAQ section to see what we’ve written about this subject.