Shelton & Brandi

Hello! We're Brandi & Shelton Koskie. Since 2006 we’ve been one of the many couples on the In Vitro Fertilization journey. We were the first IVF fundraiser blog, and thanks to the generous help of many, in we had our first successful IVF attempt. Nine months later, we had a beautiful girl, Paisley. You’re invited to follow along on our journey from infertility to parenthood.  Learn more

Sonogram – Week 11

I had a sonogram this morning. Unfortunately, the bleeding showed back up. (In my week ten recap, I explain that it went away. It did, for five or six days, and now it’s back.) I immediately called my doctor this morning and asked for a sonogram. They obliged and radiology was able to see me at 11:15.

It should be noted that I woke up SICK today. I really thought I’d managed to get the flu, even though I’ve had my flu shot.

So after heaving my breakfast in the kitchen sink, and having to call my Aunt F for a ride to the doctor, I made it – with a cup of water and crackers in hand. Shelton was able to meet me and we were promptly taken back.

People, it was magnificent. First, after everything we’ve been through, I feel like an honorary sono tech. Without the tech’s say so (which they can’t really say so) I was able to see that there’s not one spec of that blood clot left! No sign that it was even there. (HUGE relief… but why the new bleeding?)

Then, oh my, then the baby. The last time we had a sono was Sept. 17, and for the first time it looked like more than a fuzzy blur. There was shape, and that shape was similar to a gummy bear. Today… there was a baby. A whole, real baby! Shelton and I were both giggling, it was so amazing to see. I saw individual toes and fingers. A head, with a spot for eyes and a nose and a mouth. I saw traces of a spine. Elbows, knees, feet, and a rapidly beating heart (154bpm). Not to mention the acrobatic show it was putting on for us. Arms and legs and body just jutting and wiggling here and there. Then, it did a complete 180 flip. Positively amazing.

The baby has grown to 4.6cm (about 1.5″).  Everything is right on track.

You can see for yourself!

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Pregnancy Week 10

Last week was gloriously uneventful! Ten weeks in and I felt fantastic. Still tired, still sluggish, still sleep about 10-12 hours at a time at night. But when I was awake I wanted to eat, eat, eat, and never once felt sick. (Two days in to week 11 and I’m longing for that!)

Week ten was great because the bleeding stopped. And I cannot even express what a relief that was. I told Shelton I was honestly having a hard time really getting into this pregnancy because I was so scared. But to be able to take such a huge sigh, know that it was behind us and move on, was a great feeling.

I started week ten with the first visit to my OB. You can read all about that appointment at <– that link. It was really positive – just went through all the initial stuff, learned where we’d deliver (and I have to say my enthusiasm is lackluster and I’m pondering the pros of delivering in my back seat in an alley). We don’t have a lot of choices here, but of the three I thought I had, the far lesser third seems to be the one. I have nothing to support this other than my own perception. And as someone in advertising/marketing, I like to think I know a little bit about brand perceptions. The one I have for this particular hospital is bad. My brother was born there, and he turned out OK, so maybe it won’t be so bad. There is a place in town where the mothers give birth in a veritable spa in a room that’s probably nicer than my master bedroom at home. And wouldn’t you know it, our insurance doesn’t go there. And I’ve paid MORE THAN ENOUGH this year without insurance coverage.

I guess I can’t say the week was entirely uneventful – I’m showing! Several female relatives have given me license to say that outloud and confirm that Houston, we have a bump. Now, I can clearly see it, as can anyone who really knows me or is looking for it. The people at the grocery store probably think I spend my days polishing off pizza buffets and washing it down with natty light and doughnuts. Depending on the day I’m switching between my regular jeans, yoga pants and a pair of maternity capris (the maternity jeans are still a little loose). The yoga pants are heaven and the jeans are not worn anywhere food is being consumed. The bump is pretty cute and I think I’ll keep it.

Although, I’m somewhat delusional that this is as big as I’m going to get. Like six months from now I’m going to look like 140 pound me and squat out a baby (7 pounds) and shed the extra three pounds by going to the bathroom, and then wahlah! Pre-preggo body welcome me home! I know, I know, I said I’m delusional. Call it hormones or my current obsession with french toast and bacon (ooo! and belgian waffles!).

I went on a little maternity shopping trip this weekend with my Aunt J and had a blast. It was a much needed girls-only shopping afternoon that yielded two bags of clothes, lunch at one of my favorite restaurants, and dessert from another favorite restaurant. Not to mention some overdue quality time with one of my favorite aunts. I went for simple basics since my maternity budget was basically my birthday money (thanks mama J) and I needed to make sure I got things that would last. I’m also SOOO grateful to my sister for the huge tub of clothes she brought to me. I think I managed to pull about four shirts and six pairs of pants out of that.

Week ten was a good week. It spoiled me. And I hope to see many more just like it.

Blogs Against Breast Cancer

October is breast cancer awareness month. We’re supporting DietsInReview.com’s Blogs Against Breast Cancer promotion. By placing this badge here, $5 will be donated to the National Breast Cancer Foundation.

breast cancer donation

I’ve only had on person in my life affected by the disease, and I’m so thrilled that she’s still with us! I can’t tell you how much I learned watching her take on that fight and never once letting it take charge. I always knew she was strong, but I don’t think anyone knew just how much until faced with that challenge.

I know for a lot of women, that’s not how the story ends. I do not have a family history at all, and I pray that I don’t start a trend.

I once made the stupid mistake of finding a lump and waiting four weeks to call my doctor because I was scared. STUPID!! It turned out to be nothing, but the relief I felt in getting that exam outweighed an ounce of the fear that caused my hesitation. Don’t do the same. Do regular self-exams, have regular annual exams with your doctor, and talk to him to find out when it’s best for you to start getting regular mammograms.

The Scare

So I’ve been keeping a secret from you lovely people. While this is just the sort of thing I’d typically air on this site to ease my own stress, it was something I couldn’t say out loud for fear of what might actually happen.

We’re going to back up, four whole weeks, for me to tell this story. I will also warn that it’s going to be a bit “graphic” in the “gynecological” department – so if you and I share DNA or you simply don’t want to hear it, then we look forward to having you back here soon!

We had gone to our very first sonogram, August 31, the start of week six. The ultrasounds I received at the clinic were all done vaginally, and at the end of this one I bled on the table. It caught Dr. T off guard, as well as Shelton and I, but it wasn’t too concerning as I’d had mild spotting since the embryo transfer. I went home, and by mid-afternoon I was full-on bleeding. Scared to death of course, I called “M” and she advised not to use any tampons and to return the next morning for a follow-up.

(Yes, I had to be told not to use a tampon. How was I supposed to know? The doctor’s sticking things in there, what’s wrong w/ stopping stuff from coming out?! I haven’t used a pad since my senior year of high school because I honestly can’t think of anything more disgusting and foul. If you use them, more power to you. So I didn’t even have one in the house, much less that at the forefront of my mind. Shuddderrrrr!)

So I returned the next morning for a second sonogram and what the doctor found made my insides turn as cold as ice, instantly. On the screen, next to my teeny tiny baby, was a big daunting clot. There was a blood clot in my uterus measuring about 4.5 cm by 2.5 cm, roughly. He couldn’t explain it, said I wasn’t the first to have one, and said that we’d need to just wait this out. There was far more risk involved with going after it than playing the waiting game. He also said the two words that render Shelton and I paralyzed: Threatened Miscarriage. I’ve never before experienced a feeling where all the air had been knocked out of my body, and yet I suddenly had more space to fill within my chest cavity than ever before. I literally had one of those slow-motion movie moments where the scene holds still but you drift out of it and watch everything get smaller.

What in the hell is a threatened miscarriage and why are you saying it to me?!

It basically meant that my body was, as the name implies, threatening to miscarry. He explained that the uterus naturally doesn’t like having visitors and it was kind of building up its defenses.

Dr. T explained that best-case scenario I’d have to basically let the clot drain, it would go away on its own, and we’d forget all about this. Worst-case scenario was that I’d pass the clot and as it exited the uterus it may shave off the side of the placenta and well, that would be that.

Shelton wasn’t able to be at this appointment so I’m trying to absorb every word Dr. T is saying so that I can regurgitate all of this to him. I looked Dr. T in the eyes and asked if he thought I should be worried, and he said not now. And that was good enough for me. Call it my new-found motherly instincts or who knows what, but I used that to keep my head for the past four weeks. (Yes, this story goes for four weeks.) If he wasn’t worried, I didn’t have to be.

I went to Shelton’s office, gave him the news, and watched him turn white. And Shelton’s a pasty, translucent red-head, so watching him turn white means he was invisible. I spent five minutes trying to remember the “threatened miscarriage” term and when I finally remembered I just spit it out like those words wouldn’t have any affect on him. Oh, the look on his face. As fast as an auctioneer I was sputtering be calm, and don’t worry, and Dr. T said it’s OK, and anything else I could do to prevent him from passing out on the sidewalk.

The bleeding continued, I tried to remain positive, and we returned for a follow-up six days later. No change. Clot was in the same spot, the same size. The good news was that the baby seemed unfazed.

I would go on to have five sonograms over the course of weeks 6, 7 and 8. And in the final sonogram, in which we were released from the fertility clinic, we finally saw a change. The clot had shrunk to about half its size, the baby still seemed completely unaffected by its neighbor, and all of this was good enough for Dr. T to tell us it would resolve itself and send us on our way.

This started week six, and we’re now in week ten, and the spotting at this point has become incredibly faint, I would almost dare say completely gone. As reported at my first OB appointment, the baby’s heart is up to a raging 176bpm – and that sounds like we’re coming out on the other side of this thing with a growing, healthy baby!

Nothing has ever rocked me to my core harder and faster than the news of that clot. I didn’t put myself on bed rest, nor did the doctor, but I did take it very, very easy these past four weeks. We canceled trips out of town, bypassed evening walks, avoided errands I didn’t have to take, didn’t lift anything larger than a milk jug. If my doctor’s reading this, he’s probably laughing because I probably took it to the extreme like he told me I didn’t have to; but I just couldn’t have on my shoulders that I REALLY wanted to carry those groceries to the car, and well, now I’ve realized my worst nightmare.

My OB (Dr. W) didn’t appear concerned at all with the news of the clot and the bleeding, and as everything has pretty much stopped, I’m taking that as a good sign.

I once heard a terrible “man joke” that you shouldn’t trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn’t die. Well, I’m telling you that I did for more than a month, and not only did I not die, but I could have kicked some ass during that time with all the adrenaline and stress surging through my body.

I’m rounding out the end of my first trimester and I will never be so glad to get to the second and get out of these uncertain woods.

First OB Appointment

Today was the day I got to feel like a normal pregnant person! I had my first OB appointment and it went perfectly. It was actually very uneventful, which feels like a change from my fertility appointments. I’ve been seeing Dr. W for several years, so it just seemed natural to go with him as our obstetrician. His office walls are papered in pics of babies he has delivered, and they all seem to be just fine! I really like him, always have. He’s very laid back, someone I could easily have a beer with and watch football.

Shelton was unable to make this appointment, much to his disappointment. But I assured him there would be many more and he is of course welcome to any of them.

As soon as I checked in I had to go to the bathroom and knew I wouldn’t be able to wait. I asked if I could and was given a cup. Of course. She told me to hang on to it until they called me. So I put it in a secure pocket in my purse and inspected every minute or so to ensure everything was sealed. (Because good Lord I’m not losing my iPhone to an unexpected urine spill in my purse… HELLO!) When I was called back I offered the urine to the nurse and she told me to hold on to it and take it to the lab when I was finished. Sheesh!

Anyway, for the first appointment the nurse and I went over a lot of details and updated my file. She gave me some prenatal info and a guide for what to expect at the upcoming appointments. I was informed of which hospital I will deliver in. Then she did the fetal heartrate and took what seemed like FOREVER to find it. I was like – OH MY GOD! WHERE DID IT GO! DR. T ALWAYS FINDS IT! But sure enough, there it was, just raging at 176bpm.

I’m also up to exactly 140 pounds – that’s a seven pound gain since July when we started IVF. I don’t know if that’s too much or not enough or just right, but no one complained and I’m just going to keep eating!

Dr. W said everything looked fine and that I’m almost out of the woods on the first trimester. Which will be such a relief. I don’t want to rush this pregnancy, but I do want to get over this hurdle.

Pregnancy Week 9

We made it to the double digits! Today starts my tenth week of pregnancy – and so it’s time to recap number nine.

Week nine was 50/50. The first half was miserable. MISERABLE!!! I was certain that was how the next seven months of my life were going to feel. I didn’t keep any food down for five days. The only thing that looked even quasi appetizing was macaroni and cheese, a baked potato, or toast. Shelton did an amazing job taking care of and tending to me. Everything made me nauseous, everything stunk, nothing looked good, all I wanted to do was sleep. The anti-nausea medication prescribed by Dr. T helped somewhat, but I’m certain most days it came right back up with everything else. (And at $118 after insurance, I’m not taking two!)

By Wednesday morning I’d only lost my breakfast and I haven’t been sick since. (Although tonight’s been a bit woozy.) I’ve been managing to get a solid ten hours of sleep on most nights – which is a Godsend that I can’t express just how thoroughly I enjoy. If I’m not stuffing my face (we’re back to the FEED ME NOW ALL THE TIME!! mode), then I would really like to sleep. Weekends are glorious with all the sleeping in and mid-day naps and big breakfasts!!

I made my first maternity purchase this week. Old Navy was having a sale so I grabbed three long-sleeve t-shirts and a black sweater. Some basics I can’t live without at my current size. I’ve never been so damn hot in my life though so I may not ever even want or need to use them. Although, Shelton might put them on as his tenth layer to try to stay warm. Poor thing, he is going to freeze to death this winter. This is certain. Because that A/C is NOT being turned off! I put the shirts away knowing I didn’t really need them yet, but then Saturday I couldn’t take it anymore.

I’m not showing. I’m not trying to be one of those girls who is like OH MY GOD I’M PREGNANT LOOK AT MY BIG BELLY. Because there isn’t one. HOWEVER… I can clearly feel and see a difference in my stomach. Things are snug. So I retired one pair of pants this week and as the temps got colder I realized most of my fall/winter stuff is fairly fitted… meaning it’s snug… and I feel like I’m suffocating when I wear it. So Saturday I wore of the new long sleeve tees and while it definitely has plenty of room to grow into, it was so comfy!

I can definitely see a new roundness to my stomach that wasn’t there previously – but it’s not anything that anyone else is going to notice. Everyone else will probably just think I ate one too many enchiladas (and I probably did!). The really fun part is that it’s feeling really hard. And I don’t know why but I get ten kinds of giddy when I feel and must have Shelton push his fingers into my tummy too so he can confirm that it does in fact feel hard. (Again, probably just the Mexican food.)

And apparently we need more of this – the feeling of the belly and the reminders of the life growing inside. This weekend at the farmer’s market Shelton and I ran in to one of his former co-workers and chatted a minute. When asked if there was anything new going on with him (Shelton), he responded, “no, not really.” And I’m like – umm, WE HAVE ONLY CREATED A LIFE! But I didn’t know this guy and didn’t want to say anything so I just stood there. And when we walked off I said “Shelton, when people ask if there’s anything new, you might let them know you’re going to have a baby.” He laughed and said “oh yeah, I guess I could have said that.”

It’s been pretty uneventful around here otherwise. I’m just trying to take it easy and avoid getting sick at all costs. I’m hoping week 10 goes by quite smoothly!