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Pregnancy Week 22

Monday, December 28th, 2009

What a doozy of a week this was… again! I think I have pregnancy bi-polar disorder. PBPD, or Pib-Pid. It’s a self diagnosis. I had days this past week where I was so downright nasty and bitchy I didn’t want to be around myself. One day the dog wouldn’t even come in to my office. I threw pill bottles. Yelled at not one, but two, Walgreen’s clerks.

In one breath I could go from laughing and smiling and carrying on about how much I love ponies to crying and hissing and screaming. Do your hormones come in like the milk does? Do they just arrive? Whether they do or not, they did.

Fortunately, Christmas Eve rolled around and the Christmas spirit found me and my mood has been A-OK ever since. I don’t tend to get Christmas fever until Christmas Eve. Never have. I am most certainly not one of these people who decorates the house and has a tree lit by mid-November. No, I like to take on one holiday at a time. Get past Thanksgiving and then we’ll talk. Then I think the hub-bub of Christmas for weeks and weeks leaves me disinterested. But Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are certainly two of my favorite days of the year.

This year felt like an especially memorable one. In one way it was fun to have “baby on board” for our first pregnant Christmas. On the other we were saying farewell to Christmases with just the two of us. I was just bubbling over the fact that this time next year I get to play Santa. How cool will that be?!

The baby is definitely a mover and getting to be more so with each passing day. We have a bit of a schedule, early morning, noon and night. And then several encore presentations throughout the day. I absolutely love it. Can’t get enough. I think it’s the most fantastic thing I’ve ever experienced and I would do IVF over again if it meant feeling that little kick or roll just once. It makes this all the more real. I love that I can actually feel this little person growing inside of me. She will kick so hard sometimes that I can see my stomach moving. I feel really bad for Shelton though. She’ll be on a kicking rampage and I’ll say “Quick! Come feel.” The second he touches my stomach she stops cold and won’t move again.

My back pain has reached the threshold of hell. Nothing relieves the pain, believe me I’ve tried it. Mondays and Tuesdays I hurt the least because I do yoga on Monday. So I really need to get a DVD or something and continue doing yoga throughout the week.

I have lots of crazy pregnancy dreams. For instance, two nights ago, I dreamed that William Shatner was the father of my child. If only that came with a sizable Star Trek trust fund!

Tags: pregnancy symptoms, pregnancy week by week
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Pregnancy Week 21

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Is it April yet?

I probably shouldn’t even write this today because I’m bound to start hissing and spitting. I’m in a terrible, TERRIBLE mood. No reason. I just am. I’ve cried three times today. Once because I couldn’t decide how many malt balls I wanted.

So, you wanna know how week 21 has been? Oh just a cheery flippin’ blast.

Someone asked me this week if I’ve been feeling very emotional and the answer is yes. If I don’t cry at least once a day then I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything. And bi-polar has nothing on me. Literally in the same sentence I can go from being your best friend and talking about how much I want to stay up all night brushing each other’s hair to snapping arms off if you look at me. I hate it! I don’t even want to be around myself.

And you’d think all this ho-ho-ho cheer would fix it. But no. In fact, the entire “holiday season” is irritating me this year.

That said….

There is no question I’m pregnant. This is a legitimate pregnant belly. I keep running in to people who I haven’t seen in a few months, or even weeks, and they each tell me that it looks like I haven’t gained any weight and that I’ve just got a little basketball. And I’m so grateful for that! It really does make a pregnant girl feel a little better. Truth be told I’ve put on 25 pounds and my doctor doesn’t scoff at that number so I guess I’m doing OK. It’s literally all being carried in my breasts, belly and the two zits that have taken front row seats to my misery on my chin. I feel really good. I joke about being a moose, but really, I’d be lying if I said this isn’t the pregnant body I’ve always hoped for.

There is also no question that there is a very live baby inside of me. She is so active. There’s no schedule, but I tend to get a good morning, a good afternoon and a good night, with a lot of surprise visits in between. Some are really forceful, and some tickle, as odd as that might sound. Some are just slight little flutters. Whatever is going on in there has got her in the mood to move because I feel like all I’ve done is receive morse code messages from the womb this week.

The leg cramps continue. The heartburn continues. My back has surprisingly not been as bad, so I’m hoping that I get a reprieve there for a while.

I’ve also had a few of the weird pregnancy dreams. Like… had the baby and an hour later the doctor said we were fine and to go home. So we did. Shel and I had plans that night so we got a babysitter and left our HOURS OLD BABY at home. Then, the same night…. another dream where I was trying to get rid of my baby weight and Shelton kept pushing all this air around inside my abdomen until it ballooned out my back and all we needed to do was “pop the balloon” and I’d be back in my regular jeans. And finally…. the third dream…. my belly button had stretched so large I could set a cereal bowl inside of it. Gross.

Saying outloud that tomorrow I’ll be 22 weeks is dumbfounding to me. For the most part this entire thing still feels so surreal and I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve truly grasped the reality yet. When you wait this long for something, it takes a while to accept it.

I did make my very first baby purchase today. Socks. They were on clearance for 70 cents a pair at Target so I grabbed a handful. Can’t have too many socks, right?

Tags: pregnancy symptoms, pregnancy week by week
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Pregnancy Week 20

Monday, December 14th, 2009

Week 20 equals the half-way point and that means some serious excitement and anxiety. With each passing week the reality of our little “situation” becomes ever more apparent and with that comes a host of emotions like “complete and utter panic,” “what were we thinking,” “she’s going to be perfect!,” “how soon can we cuddle,” and “denial.”

OK, so some of those aren’t what most people would classify as “emotions.” It does sort of read like one of those As Seen on TV record advertisements.

I think our range of emotions from nervous, panic and denial to excitement and curiosity is probably fairly normal. I almost think we’d be odd if we didn’t feel all of these things. Which is why bringing home the crib last night hit me like a ton of bricks and made me have this “come to Jesus” moment. Like, OH MY GOD A REAL PERSON IS COMING HERE! Some friends offered up their retired crib and sent it home with us and we are so incredibly grateful. It’s perfect – the color, style, everything is exactly what I’ve had in mind. (THANK YOU!!)

We also brought home an antique wooden rocking cradle from Shelton’s grandparents. My understanding is that every Koskie kid since Shelton’s dad has snoozed in this cradle. Pretty special.

Sitting in it right now is a positively adorable pink OU diaper bag, a gift from another dear friend. Seriously, SWOON over this bag. It’s trimmed in pink polka-dots and the zippers have little football charms. “Sooner born and Sooner bred…” (THANK YOU!!)

In other week 20 news, I flew to LA for a whirlwind two-day trip so that I could attend the Biggest Loser finale for work. This was my fourth live Biggest Loser finale and probably my favorite. It was so much fun to catch-up with contestants who I now call friends and get to know the newest alum of this incredible show. They are truly amazing people, each and every one of them, and whether you have five pounds or 500 pounds to lose, you can’t help but feel inspired to just do better. While I’ve met host Ali Sweeney a few times before, this time we had a chance to chat and snap a few pics. I also had the opportunity to have dinner w/ Biggest Loser Cookbook and Most Decadent Diet author Chef Devin Alexander. She was adorable and funny and her food was AAAAMAZING!!! She sent me home with an autographed copy of “Decadent,” and I’m anxious to crack it open!

This trip helped me realize that my travel hence forward will be done by car. I just can’t handle another airplane. After the snot-covered, tear-soaked hysterical break-down in LAX (because of a canceled flight, coupled with exhaustion and killer back pain) I decided that flying just wasn’t worth whatever was on the other side. (Unless the other side involved all you could eat pizza for days and days and days…and maybe Oprah!!) I broke this to my co-workers in NYC and was not the least bit surprised to hear they were understanding. Maybe I’ll finally coax them to Wichita… yeah right!

I also discussed the maternity leave plan with my boss this week and I think we have something in place that is fair for both sides. I honestly can’t foresee taking a full six-to-eight week maternity leave, but I guess we’ll just have to see when we get there.

And finally, maybe the most exciting news of all from week 20, we’ve got a mover and a shaker on our hands. This little girl has been moving for a few weeks, but really deep little flutters only noticeable to me, and often indistinguishable between flutters and gas. But sitting on my connection flight between Dallas and Wichita, I felt a bump in my stomach like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Positively amazing! I’m sure I looked like a total freak on the plane with both my hands shoved down the front of my elastic maternity pant panel, but I was not about to pass up the chance to feel her with my hands for the first time. The entire 45-minute flight home the monster gave me quite a show. I was literally giggling out loud at some of the bumps because it was just the most incredibly satisfying moment. I of course bragged the news to Shelton when I got home and he was thrilled. It took two or three more days before Shelton was finally able to get his first feel of our little girl. Wow! What a moment. So far she doesn’t keep much of a schedule, her bumps, rolls and kicks come at all hours of the day (and night) and can last for one or two thumps or for 30 minutes or more. She also plays hard to get. I can feel her for the longest time, finally have Shelton come over to feel and she’s done.

Overall I’m actually feeling pretty good. Just dealing with a lot of pretty constant back pain and fatigue. I keep waiting for this “dawning of the day second trimester second coming” event, but I feel like that’s one pregnancy milestone that’s going to pass me over. We’re seven weeks in to this trimester and while I feel a hundred times better than I did in the first, I still feel tired, lethargic and famished all the time.

Tags: About Brandi, pregnancy symptoms, pregnancy travel, pregnancy week by week
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Pregnancy Week 19

Monday, December 7th, 2009

Week 19 will probably go down as the most memorable of this entire pregnancy. For this was the week that we found out our little monster is a she-monster. It’s a girl, and we couldn’t be more thrilled! She was quite cooperative for the sonogram, and by cooperative I mean not very lady like as she showed us all her business, or lack thereof.

It has unexpectedly completely changed my feelings toward this pregnancy in a way that’s really hard to describe. Not that was happy, excited and anxious before, but it’s all been exponentially increased. While I’ve been like, whatever, April will get here. Now I’m like, IS IT APRIL YET?!

I get the dumbest, giddy grin on my face every time I IM or tell Shelton “your daughter…” and it’s usually followed by “won’t stop moving.” This week she became incredibly active. There’s still no real pace or predictability to it, but there’s definitely no doubt that she’s in there now. A couple of days after the sonogram I was able to feel her from the outside for the first time. That took me off guard and was pretty exciting. I immediately placed Shelton’s hand in the spot, but alas, nothing. I’ve been told it could still be a couple more months before either of us really gets to enjoy external movement, so for now, it’s like this fun little secret that’s all mine.

I think I had another growth spurt this week. While changing a few days ago Shelton commented that I definitely looked pregnant now and that my belly had grown larger than my boobs… finally! Those are still a feat to be reckoned with, but at least my belly is taking the lead.

The heartburn that could make a dragon cry continues relentlessly. I had a few nights of leg cramps this week that, much to my doctor’s surprise, are in my upper thigh. He said that’s odd and not common. But these cramps are in the joints of my hips and knees, as well as the calf and thigh muscles. It’s so painful and so annoying. I just keep hydrating and blame it on shifting bones and muscles.

The other issue I’m still facing is my toothbrushing sickness. Putting toothpaste in my mouth makes me so ill I end up dry heaving for five minutes every morning. It’s awful. Most mornings I’m just running a dry toothbrush over my teeth to kick off the funk and then going back w/ paste later in the day when my stomach has had time to equalize. I’ve even switched toothpastes. This is one phase that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.

I’m also experiencing A LOT of back pain. By around 9:00 at night, there is not a comfortable position to be found. No chair, floor, pillow or position alleviates the pain. Shelton has been amazing and volunteers a back rub most nights and it helps, for a moment, and I’m so thankful to have those.

Today we kick-off week 20, our half-way point, and I’m almost feeling that same sense of relief we did transitioning from first to second trimester.

Tags: photos, pregnancy milestones, pregnancy symptoms, pregnancy week by week
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OB Appointment – Week 19

Tuesday, December 1st, 2009

Yesterday I had my monthly check-up with my OB, Dr. W. It was the first time Shelton was able to go. It was a pretty uneventful appointment, and I felt bad when afterward Shelton said he thought we were finding out the baby’s gender, but I’m still glad Shelton was able to be there and at least put a face with a name of our doctor.

The nurse quickly found the heartbeat, which was a solid 140bpm. There was a lot of “background noise” on the fetal heart monitor indicating that the monster is moving quite a lot. And that’s not news to me. This baby has decided to start dancing! For most of last week it was very sporadic movement, only lasting a second or two. But yesterday and today it’s been almost constant. It’s fun, and I have to admit it’s pretty amazing to finally “hear from the other side.” I feel bad that Shelton can’t feel yet, but I’m sure soon enough we’ll have our hands full with more than we know what to do with.

I had to weigh-in, of course. And I saw on the scale the highest number I’ve ever seen in my life – 152 pounds. Sigh. I know, I know, it’s going to happen. I’m a tad worried that I’ve already gained 20 pounds since my IVF started, and 35 pounds is the recommended gain. So I’ve only got 15 pounds of wiggle room. I’ve definitely been getting my diet back on track and hoping that will help. However, the doctor said my weight is normal and of no concern.

Dr. W and I had a long conversation about the tetra screen blood test (to screen for birth defects like Downs Syndrome) and the amniocentesis. He agreed and supported my decision not to proceed with either procedure. There’s no risk involved with the blood test, but if it comes back with positives for any issues, then we’re almost forced into an amnio, which I am adamantly against. It’s far to risky and I haven’t come this far to start being risky.

The best news to come of the appointment is that we got to schedule our sonogram! YAY!! It’s scheduled for tomorrow, Wednesday 12/2. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. This time tomorrow, provided the monster cooperates, we’ll know what we’re having. I’m likening the anticipation over here to Christmas Eve.

Tags: OBGYN, pregnancy week by week
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Pregnancy Weeks 17 and 18

Tuesday, December 1st, 2009

As usual, I should have made some notes for myself because trying to recall the information to do an update on weeks 17 and 18 is proving to be a little difficult.

I spent most of week 17 trying to just hydrate. That is still my mission. Just keep drinking. I’ve been sleeping much better since I got over the dehydration and leg cramps.

The crying phase seems to have set in. Everything makes me cry. For anyone who knows me you might be thinking, what’s new? But this is seriously all the time. It takes nothing to send me straight to bawling. In fact this morning I woke up with an overwhelming urge to cry, and while it never happened, I felt that way for four hours. Just a lump in my throat and the wrong moment was going to send me off the deep.

We spent half of each week on our “babymoon” vacation to Boca Raton. It was a much needed and overdue break for both of us, and I’m going to fill you in on all the details in a separate post. As far as the pregnancy is concerned, I managed just fine. I’m glad it was an easy vacation, meaning a lot of laying around the beach, because I don’t think I would have had the energy to keep up with a fast-paced trip. I did well on both flights, despite the nightmare of traveling the day before and the day of Thanksgiving. My back is in dire need of catching up, and it’s make me nervous about my even longer flights to/from LA in two weeks. I just couldn’t ever find a comfortable position and I was up several times to go to the restroom.

I got to feel the baby move a few more times during weeks 17 and 18. Still just fleeting little flutters that catch me off guard. It tends to be either late at night or very early morning. There was one moment following dinner on our trip though that was completely out of no where. We were walking around some shops when my knees buckled because I swear the monster was trying to escape out the left side of my abdomen. I think it was a combination of slight pain and a lot of surprise.

The day after Thanksgiving I woke to find that I was spotting a tad. I’d had a lot of cramping this day, too, so I was of course fairly concerned. But the spotting didn’t seem to last and neither did the cramping.

I have my monthly appointment with the OB on Monday to kick-off week 19. While we were told it would have to be week 20, I’m HOPING he’ll let us have the sonogram this next week. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! Before I was adamant about not finding out the gender of the monster. However, I’m a little OCD when it comes to planning things and being organized and I just can’t wrap my brain around not planning for a specific gender. So, we anxiously await to find out if this is a he-monster or a she-monster.

Tags: pregnancy symptoms, pregnancy travel, pregnancy week by week
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