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First OB Appointment

Monday, September 28th, 2009

Today was the day I got to feel like a normal pregnant person! I had my first OB appointment and it went perfectly. It was actually very uneventful, which feels like a change from my fertility appointments. I’ve been seeing Dr. W for several years, so it just seemed natural to go with him as our obstetrician. His office walls are papered in pics of babies he has delivered, and they all seem to be just fine! I really like him, always have. He’s very laid back, someone I could easily have a beer with and watch football.

Shelton was unable to make this appointment, much to his disappointment. But I assured him there would be many more and he is of course welcome to any of them.

As soon as I checked in I had to go to the bathroom and knew I wouldn’t be able to wait. I asked if I could and was given a cup. Of course. She told me to hang on to it until they called me. So I put it in a secure pocket in my purse and inspected every minute or so to ensure everything was sealed. (Because good Lord I’m not losing my iPhone to an unexpected urine spill in my purse… HELLO!) When I was called back I offered the urine to the nurse and she told me to hold on to it and take it to the lab when I was finished. Sheesh!

Anyway, for the first appointment the nurse and I went over a lot of details and updated my file. She gave me some prenatal info and a guide for what to expect at the upcoming appointments. I was informed of which hospital I will deliver in. Then she did the fetal heartrate and took what seemed like FOREVER to find it. I was like – OH MY GOD! WHERE DID IT GO! DR. T ALWAYS FINDS IT! But sure enough, there it was, just raging at 176bpm.

I’m also up to exactly 140 pounds – that’s a seven pound gain since July when we started IVF. I don’t know if that’s too much or not enough or just right, but no one complained and I’m just going to keep eating!

Dr. W said everything looked fine and that I’m almost out of the woods on the first trimester. Which will be such a relief. I don’t want to rush this pregnancy, but I do want to get over this hurdle.

Tags: OBGYN, pregnancy milestones
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Pregnancy Week 9

Sunday, September 27th, 2009

We made it to the double digits! Today starts my tenth week of pregnancy – and so it’s time to recap number nine.

Week nine was 50/50. The first half was miserable. MISERABLE!!! I was certain that was how the next seven months of my life were going to feel. I didn’t keep any food down for five days. The only thing that looked even quasi appetizing was macaroni and cheese, a baked potato, or toast. Shelton did an amazing job taking care of and tending to me. Everything made me nauseous, everything stunk, nothing looked good, all I wanted to do was sleep. The anti-nausea medication prescribed by Dr. T helped somewhat, but I’m certain most days it came right back up with everything else. (And at $118 after insurance, I’m not taking two!)

By Wednesday morning I’d only lost my breakfast and I haven’t been sick since. (Although tonight’s been a bit woozy.) I’ve been managing to get a solid ten hours of sleep on most nights – which is a Godsend that I can’t express just how thoroughly I enjoy. If I’m not stuffing my face (we’re back to the FEED ME NOW ALL THE TIME!! mode), then I would really like to sleep. Weekends are glorious with all the sleeping in and mid-day naps and big breakfasts!!

I made my first maternity purchase this week. Old Navy was having a sale so I grabbed three long-sleeve t-shirts and a black sweater. Some basics I can’t live without at my current size. I’ve never been so damn hot in my life though so I may not ever even want or need to use them. Although, Shelton might put them on as his tenth layer to try to stay warm. Poor thing, he is going to freeze to death this winter. This is certain. Because that A/C is NOT being turned off! I put the shirts away knowing I didn’t really need them yet, but then Saturday I couldn’t take it anymore.

I’m not showing. I’m not trying to be one of those girls who is like OH MY GOD I’M PREGNANT LOOK AT MY BIG BELLY. Because there isn’t one. HOWEVER… I can clearly feel and see a difference in my stomach. Things are snug. So I retired one pair of pants this week and as the temps got colder I realized most of my fall/winter stuff is fairly fitted… meaning it’s snug… and I feel like I’m suffocating when I wear it. So Saturday I wore of the new long sleeve tees and while it definitely has plenty of room to grow into, it was so comfy!

I can definitely see a new roundness to my stomach that wasn’t there previously – but it’s not anything that anyone else is going to notice. Everyone else will probably just think I ate one too many enchiladas (and I probably did!). The really fun part is that it’s feeling really hard. And I don’t know why but I get ten kinds of giddy when I feel and must have Shelton push his fingers into my tummy too so he can confirm that it does in fact feel hard. (Again, probably just the Mexican food.)

And apparently we need more of this – the feeling of the belly and the reminders of the life growing inside. This weekend at the farmer’s market Shelton and I ran in to one of his former co-workers and chatted a minute. When asked if there was anything new going on with him (Shelton), he responded, “no, not really.” And I’m like – umm, WE HAVE ONLY CREATED A LIFE! But I didn’t know this guy and didn’t want to say anything so I just stood there. And when we walked off I said “Shelton, when people ask if there’s anything new, you might let them know you’re going to have a baby.” He laughed and said “oh yeah, I guess I could have said that.”

It’s been pretty uneventful around here otherwise. I’m just trying to take it easy and avoid getting sick at all costs. I’m hoping week 10 goes by quite smoothly!

Tags: pregnancy milestones, pregnancy symptoms, pregnancy week by week
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Pregnancy Week 8

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

Well, if I didn’t feel pregnant before, week eight brought all the symptoms with it like a bad Kansas storm. I’m flat out miserable.

Thursday we went in for my final sonogram and thrilled to see the baby doing exactly what it is supposed to be doing. The doctor said the baby is “textbook normal.” It looks like a gummy bear! After about six sonograms, we brought home our first baby-like picture. It definitely looks like a gummy bear with an odd-shaped head and four tiny but distinguishable limbs. (It has four limbs!!) We also saw the umbilical cord for the first time and, don’t ask me why, but that kind of made me feel pregnant like nothing else has. Heartbeat was raging and the little booger is about 2 cm.

Other than that, I have nothing positive to say about this week. We were released from our fertility clinic (cry!). And I’ve been sick.

Everything stinks. Smells, no matter how truly unoffensive, turn my stomach. I’m so nauseous all the time, and most of the time eating something is the one thing that will fix it. But it’s getting past the mental block of that looks gross, smells gross, sounds gross that is the biggest problem. Shelton made a plain ‘ole turkey sandwich for me and when he handed the plate over I wanted to throw up. It just looked horrendous. Very few things sound good to me and the only things that I can really stomach seems to be an ever-shortening list. What I’m about to share with you I’m not proud of. If you’ve read this site for any length of time you’ll know that I’m very proud of the way we eat. All very balanced, whole foods. We eat very little processed, boxed, canned junk. What I’m finding though is all of that stuff turns my stomach and all I can truly stomach are things I haven’t eaten in years. Stuff that is NOT good for me – but at least I’m eating??
> Pizza. I could eat this three meals a day and I’m making Papa Johns very happy this month.
> Doritos. Nacho cheese only please. Any time of day will do.
> Mac N Cheese. Not my usual homemade gooey goodness, but straight from the box with all its factory toxicity.
> Whole Grain Goldfish. Those crackers are saving my life one at a time.
> Baked potatoes.
> Powerade.
> Milk. I’ve never in my life drank milk except to accompany cereal or a baked good. Now, I’ll just get a glass and suck it down.
> PB and crackers.
> Apples.
> Chicken strips.
> Toast.

Those are all things that I can pretty much stomach any time of day without any complaints. The common denominator? Starch. I know it’s different for everyone, but starches seem to be what’s keeping me satisfied. And half of that ends up coming right back up anyway.

My doctor did prescribe Zofran for nausea. I got the generic, which was $120 out of pocket after insurance. ($600 without insurance!! OMG!!) I really can’t say if it’s helping or not yet. I spent all day on a day trip to OKC that was not my best idea. Being in that car for six hours only made things worse, and while I’m glad we got to be there for our niece’s first birthday, I was sick as a dog all day. Today I’ve been in bed all day sleeping on/off. For what we paid though we’ll pretend that it’s working miracles.

I’m also totally falling for my husband all over again. (I know, gag!) I love that we’re FINALLY having this baby together and the way we exchange these long glances that I don’t know that we ever have before. He’s been positively amazing this week in spite of trying not to lose his mind playing the pregnant whim dance. “I’m hungry.” “OK what do you want.” “I don’t know.” “What sounds good?” “Nothing.” “How about X?” “Gross!” And so on. He’s just amazingly supportive and kind and – he’s everything he is every other day of the week and maybe I’m just being more appreciative.

Finally, we ended our IVF this week. We were released from the clinic, and last night I took my LAST SHOT!!!! NO MORE NEEDLES!!!! That alone will make me feel so much better.

So here we go in to week 9.

Tags: Fertility Clinic, IVF Shots, pregnancy milestones, pregnancy symptoms, pregnancy week by week
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A Bittersweet Farewell

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

I knew going in to the clinic this morning for my sonogram that it would likely be my last. Not my last sonogram, but my last trip to the clinic. Today was my last scheduled appointment and I couldn’t imagine any reason they’d keep me after this. And that’s exactly what happened.

Dr. T came in to do my exam and upon finding that everything is “textbook normal” and saying we have every reason to believe this is going to go the way we want it to, he said he couldn’t see a reason for us to come back. Not in a bad way, just that we’d accomplished the goal. I’m pregnant, and it’s time to go to my OB.

It might sound stupid but I’ve been preparing myself for this release back in to the wild for a few weeks now. I cannot express how much I love this practice, my doctor, the nurses, the staff. I’ve never in my life worked with a better medical practice and the thought of leaving them breaks (broke) my heart.

So Dr. T turned to Shelton and shook his hand, gave him a hearty congratulations, and then turned to me and where there would usually be a handshake, there was a hug. And I’ve wanted to hug this man for so long and tell him that there are no words to express how eternally grateful I am for 3.5 years of care and attention… and let’s not forget helping me get pregnant!

Part of it is probably the intimate nature of what we’re working on here. I mean, this is a fertility doctor. And I’ve never had to see a doctor for anything much more than a cough, cold or annual exam. This is the person who had to help me start a family. So maybe some shrink will tell you that that’s part of it. But I will tell you that it’s because I’ve never had the pleasure of working with a better doctor. He’s kind and professional, never speaks down to you yet speaks in a way that helps you understand these complex medical procedures, is reassuring and honest, and in general makes me trust him like no other doctor. If you’re in a room with him, you’ll never feel like there is a single other patient, task, surgery or appointment waiting on him. It’s you and him, and you’ll feel like you have all the time in the world. I don’t know if it’s this way for other patients, but he’s the only doctor I ever worked with there. He’s amazing – and if I had to pay $20,000 for IVF, and have him as my doctor, then I’ll say a good chunk of it was worth it.

Before we left the exam room Dr. T invited me back when I’ve got a big ‘ole buddha belly and check-in with everyone. They can count on it!

I then went in to the hall and “B” the office manager, another stellar member of their staff, asked if I were going to see them again and I pouted and told her no. And she said something about me being a baby bird flying from the nest, and I was all, but I like the nest. Please keep me! We also had a hug and goodbye with “M” and that one was equally as hard as Dr. T. I saw her and spoke to her more in the last five months than I did the doctor. And again, a truly top-notch person and hands-down the best nurse I’ve ever had. I think I can say that aside from Shelton, I couldn’t have done this without her. For one, she knows her stuff and even my most inane questions were thoroughly, carefully answered. She always had, or at least made, time for me. And let’s not overlook the fact that she’s genuinely like talking to a girlfriend.

We bid farewell to everyone and left and I cried a little when we got outside. Shelton laughed and said he felt like we were at my college graduation.

I just wish I could stay with them until the baby gets here. But that’s not what they do. And I’m leaving feeling completely confident that they did what they do very, very well.

So thanks to the entire staff at our clinic for making one of the most difficult trials of our life so much easier, more comfortable, manageable, and let’s not forget successful!

Tags: Fertility Clinic, IVF, pregnancy milestones
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Pregnancy Week 7

Monday, September 14th, 2009

So I decided that instead of doing my weekly pregnancy updates at the start of the week I would do them at the end – that way I can capture what happened in that week. So this week is my eighth week, and I want to talk about the seventh.

I’m still hungry. All the time. Around the clock. Hunger has just become a part of who I am. I joke that I haven’t felt full since August 15. Unlike previous weeks I’ve reached a point where I’m so unbelievably, nauseatingly hungry and yet there is nothing that sounds good to me. Shelton made a turkey sandwich for me last night and I really thought I was going to puke in my lap. It looked horrendous. And sadly the things that do sound edible to me, are things I should not want to eat. I want a lot of pizza. Potato chips and macaroni and cheese and blah blah blah. I’m really trying to limit this stuff – but when it’s the only thing I can or want to eat I guess I’m justifying it.

We went camping this past weekend and I literally ate for four solid hours. If I wasn’t eating, I was fighting off nausea and trying not to get sick in front of our friends in the woods. So from 8:30 a.m. to noon I had an apple, three glasses of OJ, a peanut butter sandwich, eggs, bacon, ham, goldfish crackers, a banana, a turkey and swiss sandwich, cucumber slices and bbq potato chips. I don’t even know how many calories that is. But after that four hour binge I felt fine the rest of the day.

So on that note, I think my fairy tale of no morning sickness is over. The latter part of last week I started getting hit with bouts of nausea. It’s awful. I can’t think of many things I hate more than being nausea. And this lasts for hours! And it’s not necessarily morning sickness, it’s just pregnancy sickness and it comes any ‘ole time it wants. Yesterday, the start of week 8, it hit me hard. I’d felt fine all day, got home from camping, took a shower and a nap, and then got very sick and lost everything I’d eaten all day. I was out the rest of the evening. Today, I pretty much fought nausea all day long, but never got sick.

I also had to start a “these pants don’t fit pile.” Probably more to blame on my eating habits than the baby, but either way, those particular khaki shorts have been removed from circulation.

We had a sonogram last week and the little baby is just growing rapidly. It’s positively fascinating to watch this baby grow. It was up to 1.2 cm on Thursday with 154bpm for the heartbeat. It also has a head now! With what I’m calling a snout. Doc says the baby is where it should be for this point in our pregnancy.

Tags: pregnancy milestones, pregnancy symptoms, pregnancy travel, pregnancy week by week
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My One and Only

Monday, August 31st, 2009

This morning was our first ultrasound and I can tell you with all certainty that Shelton and I were far more nervous and anxious about this appointment than we were the pregnancy test. I didn’t even want to talk this morning; and Shelton kept doing it! I was just a ball of nerves and when they called our name to go back I thought I was going to lose my breakfast right there in the waiting room.

I was taken back and weighed – 138 pounds. This is up about six from when we started the IVF two months ago. We did my blood pressure and made witty small talk about how last night I told Shelton that if he didn’t come home with a chocolate chip cookie he shouldn’t come home at all. (He slept here last night!) Then I was left to undress from the waist down and prepare for my ultrasound. (This is vaginally – not goop all over the belly.)

The doctor came in and asked how I’ve been feeling. I told him and he said welcome to pregnancy! Had a nice ring to it. Then we started the ultrasound and within seconds he pointed on the screen to my uterus and the one “pregnancy sack” on the screen. Our baby!!! Just the one. No twins. Or octo-babies. A single baby measuring 5mm (.19″), with the tiniest little heartbeat fluttering so fast a hummingbird would feel inadequate. We heard the heartbeat and saw the little flicker at 105 beats/minute. Pretty amazing!

Everyone talks about this emotional moment the first time you hear the heartbeat. But neither of us had it. Are we broken? I don’t think so. Honestly, there was so much anxiety going in to this appointment, I think we both were completely confident we were going to hear “twins,” and then we didn’t and that’s pretty much all we could focus on. So while I was completely impressed with the fact that this minute being had a heartbeat and thought it was beautiful to hear it, my head was elsewhere.

Dr. T said our pregnancy is on track so far and looks healthy and viable. YAY!!!

We scheduled a follow-up sonogram for two weeks from now and left with a few tiny sonogram pics.

Shelton and I had a little embrace outside and assured one another we were OK. I dropped him off at work and as soon as I put the car in reverse I started sobbing. I felt like I’d lost something I’d never had. And the harder I cried over not having a second baby, the more I’d cry for feeling guilty that I wasn’t acting grateful for the one I do have. What a friggin’ mess! It was just this adrenaline crash and overwhelming bittersweet feeling. We’re disappointed. And thrilled. All at the same time. Part of me feels like I’d feel like this if I’d heard twins, too.

I’m over the moon that we have a healthy baby, and a healthy pregnancy. This baby is going to make us parents and change our lives in ways we can’t even see yet.

Tags: Embryos, Fertility Clinic, IVF, pregnancy milestones
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