OK, so here goes. We are not going to have a baby this year. This was a decision that was not made easily, as none of this has been easy. Shelton and I shared a lot of tears, deep conversation, prayer and time to decide that this is the best decision right now.

As I’ve shared, and you can probably imagine, last year dealt me the worst I’ve ever seen. By the end of December I was beginning to sink into a bit of depression, I wasn’t sleeping and I felt this overwhelming anxiety. One evening I told Shelton that I just didn’t think it made sense right now to move forward with the IVF. I wanted to wait one or two more years.

Believe me, we want to start a family more than anything. But I made us re-examine the entire picture. I was changing jobs, Shelton is still in school (thanks to his company’s tuition reimbursement), we’re selling the house, and among many other reasons, we didn’t have the full amount needed. With the $6,000 in donations (THANK YOU!!!), $5000 in FSA and a couple thousand from our tax return, we were still going to have to borrow a couple thousand dollars. We just didn’t want to do that. We’d rather continue saving and have cash in hand.

Our only sound reason for continuing this year was our FSA. That is the non-refundable, pre-tax money we were having taken out of our paychecks. We were going to use that entire amount toward the IVF. It’s a use it or lose it plan. We figured we’d just have to buy a lot of glasses, bandaids and Aleve this year to eat that up. The very next day Shelton received a message that due to a mix-up on the FSA company’s part, they were offering an opt-out. So, we were SO FORTUNATE to get out of that and save ourselves that loss. It felt like a little sign from God telling us that we’d made the right decision.

I know we did. A huge weight has been lifted and I’m feeling like myself again. Shelton and I believe whole-heartedly that a year or two from now we’ll be able to walk into that clinic with a check and start our IVF class.

Baby Or Bust is not going anywhere!! I will continue to update you on our progress and share news and information I find. Please know that all of the donations are tucked away safely. We once again thank you for your support, encouragement and for tagging along on our little journey. It has definitely presented more surprises, ups and downs than I think we ever anticipated. I’m so grateful for having this site to use as an outlet for all of it. And I hope that you, whether an infertile couple or not, have gained something as well.