Shelton & Brandi

Hello! We're Brandi & Shelton Koskie. Since 2006 we’ve been one of the many couples on the In Vitro Fertilization journey. We were the first IVF fundraiser blog, and thanks to the generous help of many, in we had our first successful IVF attempt. Nine months later, we had a beautiful girl, Paisley. You’re invited to follow along on our journey from infertility to parenthood.  Learn more

Paisley’s 2-Month Appointment

I’ve been dreading this day for a little while. Sure, Paisley turning eight-weeks old is heartbreaking, I mean, the time seriously flies by! But today was her eight-week appointment and that meant shots. Every friend of mine with a baby told me how awful it was going to be, and I believed them.

Not because their mommy scare tactics were working on me, but because I’ve heard and seen the way they describe those appointments. I’ve read their tear-filled Tweets and Facebook postings. I knew it would be terrible.

I made sure Shelton could go with me. I got Paisley dressed in a beautiful little yellow sundress with flowers on it (one of her 4000 hand-me-downs from older cousin Ellie… poor kid). Then we headed off to see Dr. H.

I had a nervous pit in my stomach all morning. I’m a huge needle phobe, something I made abundantly clear during the 60+ days of infertility shots last summer. Emersion therapy? Yeah right. My fear is just as real as it was a year ago. So the thought of someone jabbing one of those torture sticks into my teeny-tiny daughter’s body made me ill.

I wanted to hold her but the nurses assured me it would be easier if she were laying on the table. I laid out her purple butterfly blanket, placed her on it, then took a step back. They asked Shelton to hold down her arms. And I was done. I watched them stick her little legs simultaneously, and then heard her scream in a way I’d never heard before.

I told my mom it’s a sound you wouldn’t ever hear in nature.

Oh it was terrible! I immediately welled up with tears and nearly knocked a nurse out of the way so I scoop up my baby the second she placed the last neon bandaid. I just held her so tight and cried with her and told her how sorry I was.

Once home, she was quite fussy, but passed out immediately. She woke an hour later with a temperate of 99.5 and maintained this through bedtime. She was so whiny, not characteristic of her at all. It was as if she were just moaning saying “mama please hold me.” All she wanted was to be held and loved on and she would just wimper into my neck. The infant Tylenol made for an afternoon of two very long naps, which she needed.

Tonight she was inconsolable, until I gave her a bath. She loves to be in the warm water and as soon as she heard the water running she calmed down. I like to think this is one of those things she carried over to this side from the womb. I took hot baths almost nightly and everytime I’d submerge my moose-like self into the water she’d start kicking. I knew then that she’d be a water baby.

While at the doctor we learned that she’s grown to 9 pounds, 13 ounces (31%) and 21.75″ long (35%). She’s still my tinybits!

She also rolled over from her tummy to her back today! While on the table at the doctor’s office she just flipped over! A fantastic milestone that was totally overshadowed by her first sick day.

Written by Brandi and posted under Paisley

Bliss

Tonight was so perfect I wanted to capture it in a bottle. Instead, I rushed right in here to write it down before I forget.

Paisley isn’t feeling too well, she’s battling her first case of constipation. So it’s midnight, and she’s fussy. Usually she would have been in bed already for about three or four hours. At least it’s Friday night; we only have to be up early enough tomorrow not to miss out on the asparagus at the farmer’s market.

In an effort to help calm her down, and in dire need of a little bath myself, I got in to our shower and asked Shelton to bring her to me. The second the water hit her back she stopped fussing, and she didn’t make a single sound the entire 15 minutes she was in there with me. She never moved, never fussed, never even wiggled. Skin to skin, we stood there swaying with her pressed against my chest, her head laying sidewise with her tiny fist in her mouth, eyes wide open, and let the warm water rush over us.

It was perfect. I can’t even describe how perfect it was.

It just keeps getting better every single day.

Written by Brandi and posted under Paisley

Apparently They DO Grow So Fast!

I hate that I haven’t written down more. I don’t have the time to write every day and that’s the pace at which I’d have to write to keep up with her. We hit the six-week mark this past Tuesday and I’m dumbfounded by that. How is that possible? She has grown and changed so much in that time already, it almost makes my heart ache to know how much she’ll change in the coming year, and yet I’m anxious for all of it. We attended my cousin’s first birthday party this weekend and I teared up a bit during the happy birthday song thinking that a year from now my baby won’t be such a baby – she’ll be that two-foot tall giant in the chair eating cake. Tear!

The other day I placed Paisley in her car seat and realized she fills it out quite a bit; she’s not the tiny ball that just sort of slumps down in the bottom and we finagle the straps to hold her in place. That was the first realization that she really had outgrown the “brand new baby” size. Break my heart! I weighed her at Shelton’s parents’ house last weekend and she was nine pounds. NINE POUNDS! That’s two whole pounds heavier than when she was born. Again, break my heart!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m so anxious to watch her grow and change and develop, to see her learn new things and put them into practice. But there’s not a mama out there who can argue that this handful-size of baby isn’t the most perfect time in their lives. When I get her ready for bed, I hold her asleep in my arms just a little longer, because she won’t be this perfect cuddle size forever.

In the past couple of weeks she’s been a very busy little girl. We took her to meet the entire OKC crew – which includes the Koskie family and so many of our friends. It was four very busy days and she kept up with us very well. It was fun showing her off to some of the most important people in our lives. She was a perfect little traveler, not a peep during the three hour trip down or back home. And I managed to not pack every single of one her belongings, just a bag of clothes and a bag of supplies! I stopped breastfeeding on this trip. Before the “Breastfeeding Propoganda” crew decides to hang me in a tree by my toenails and tell me that my baby won’t learn to walk until she’s seven, know that this was the best decision for us and I’ll explain more about my breastfeeding experience in another post.

She started smiling. Oh dear god did she start smiling! It’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. First for her daddy, then for her grandfathers, and then finally for me! I didn’t have to resort to a Friends-inspired Baby Got Back rendition, but I did have to make that vibrating-blow noise with my tongue for a substantial amount of time. Now it’s fairly regular and is accompanied by “talking” – her little coos. The best sound in the world.

We moved her from our room to her room this past week. She’s been sleeping so well through the night, about 6-8 hours at a stretch, that we thought it was time. That’s where she naps during the day, in her crib, and so it wasn’t an unfamiliar place. The first night was terribly stormy, but she slept seven uninterrupted hours; I did not so much, but the three of us have been fine ever since.

Last night she had another first – rubbing her eyes. That poor baby was so tired after we drug her through the most ridiculously scheduled day. Again, such a little trooper for keeping up with us in spite of her lacking nap schedule. We got home and as I put her jammies on her teensy little fist just rubbed her eyes; she did it again tonight in her bath.

I’m just in love. In a classically cliche way, I’m in love in a way I never knew possible. I knew I wanted to be a mom, and I knew it would be pretty amazing. I can’t push the bar high enough to describe how much better this is than any expectation, dream or assumption I had. It’s indescribable. This is without a doubt the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and Shelton. She is perfect in every way and a sweet, wiggling, beautiful reminder of how truly blessed and abundant our life is.

Written by Brandi and posted under Paisley

Meet the Koskies

By high-noon this past Saturday there were 12 Koskies in this house. Now there are two; one of which is sleeping soundly on the sofa, one of which wishes she were, too. Shelton’s entire family came to stay with us over Memorial Weekend and we had a tremendous time catching up, playing, introducing Paisley, eating and the like.

The trip originated with Shelton’s brother’s family coming in from Baltimore for four days to meet Paisley; then grew to include his parents and youngest brother and his daughter. I was honestly a little overwhelmed by the idea of still managing a newborn and playing host to a dozen people, but it actually went much smoother than anticipated. (Isn’t that always the case?) It was such a treat to spend some time with Shelton’s brother and wife (Uncle Keith and Aunt Heather), as well as really enjoy some time with our 4yo nephew Stone (who celebrated his birthday while here with a rarely-seen cake baked by Aunt Brandi) and 18mo niece Tilton. We only get one or two visits a year with them, so we try to soak up every second we can when we’re together. We took the kids to the zoo one afternoon; Paisley of course slept through this entire excursion making “first trip to the zoo” pictures kind of pointless. Stone was very curious about and interested in Paisley, even making several requests to hold her; he even planted a few kisses on her!

Then the rest of the crew arrived from OKC and we celebrated Stone’s birthday and had a friggin’ blast watching all four of the kids (the addition of our 18mo niece Emilee) play in the pool, with bubbles and sidewalk chalk, running, screaming and even eating some very messy popsicles in the hot summer sun. I honestly think that day goes down as one of the best ever.

At times I think there was a lot of stimulation for Paisley (and let’s be honest, me!), but she did OK for the most part. I tried to stick as closely to her schedule and routine as I possibly could. This made the days a little rough, but thankfully she managed to still sleep her usual six to eight hours at night.

Before everyone departed we were able to capture a really fantastic picture of Oma and Papa with their four grandchildren. Can I tell you how great it feels to finally have one of our kids included in that picture? Pretty great! The four little Koskie cousins. I hope that 30 years from now they’ll look back on these years growing up together as fondly as I look back on my memories with my cousins.

Last night, with just the original four Baltimore Koskies remaining, we enjoyed a really fun dinner at Chipotle where the kids were able to run around the patio, and then we took them to the fountains downtown to play.

We couldn’t have asked for a better Memorial Weekend, and we’re already missing all the kisses, hugs, and cuddles… and the way Tilton growls “No”!

Written by Brandi and posted under Koskie Life

Dear Paisley: Month 1

Dear Paisley-

Today (well, back on May 27) you are one-month old. I can’t express just how hard this is for me to wrap my brain around. It literally still feels like yesterday that you came into our world, and yet somehow it feels like you’ve been here all along. If I start to recall the day you were born, I still get a lump in my throat; sometimes I even squirt a tear or two. It was the most epic day of my life and I’d relive it again and again if I could.

I know in months to come these letters will be longer and bursting at the seams with all of your new discoveries, accomplishments and cute things you do and say. I’m glad that this one will be simple. I like you small. I’ve asked you to make me a promise not to grow, but you’re rapidly ignoring my request. I think you look like a different baby every single day. I know I’m your mom and so it’s expected, but you are positively beautiful. Do you know how unreal it is to look at you and think that I grew you in my belly?

Your sleep habits have gone from decent to pretty good. There was some trial and error, but we think we’ve finally unlocked your secret code – the tummy. You are absolutely a tummy sleeper. I happened upon this while letting you nap on your tummy on the couch. In that position you would sleep for hours; on your back you’d give me a solid half hour. With a lot of hesitation, anxiety and urging from your father, we decided to try you on your belly at night. First try, solid five hours. Next try, solid six hours. Third try, eight hours between feedings and six hours of sleep. While “they” will tell us that we’re doing nothing more than  trying to kill you by putting you on your tummy, we say this is what works for you and for us.

One of the things that made me more comfortable in letting you sleep on your tummy is your incredible neck strength. Since day one you’ve been working on lifting and moving your neck, and each passing day it gets so much stronger. If I lie you on your belly facing right, within five minutes I can go in to peek at you and you’re facing left. It’s what you prefer, and lets me know you can move your head around if you need to do so. When I hold you over my shoulder, you will pull your head up and look around with those big bright eyes, then suddenly your muscles turn to jello and you collapse; but you’re getting there

In the hospital, I asked you to make a pact with me that you’d never grow. Well, you tried to uphold your end. You dropped to 7-1 before we left the hospital and then spent two weeks at 6’14; by your week three appointment you were back to birth weight and now you’re just growing right along. It makes me sad that you won’t be that tiny forever, but it’s also exciting to see all that you’re discovering and the ways you’re changing.

You’re a good little eater. I made, what was for me, a tough decision to breastfeed and I’ve been thrilled to see that I proved myself wrong and it’s better and easier than expected. You took to it immediately in the hospital and we’ve been going strong ever since. You eat every 3 hours for 20 minutes at a time. You burp like a trucker without any coaxing! During your third week we introduced formula – no more than one or two bottles a day, just to add some flexibility to our day. This has been great because I can’t always pump enough extra, and if we find ourselves out and about, or your daddy wants to get up at 4am to feed you (and luckily he does!), then this allows us to keep from starving you!

We proved that we are either awesome parents or completely skeezy parents by taking you with us one Friday night to a bar. It was the Pumphouse, my favorite haunt. The family that owns are great people, and since I work at home I am a frequent moocher of their wifi. They followed my entire pregnancy and IVF journey, so it was high-time we introduced you there. We spent the evening celebrating Aunt Jeannie’s 50th birthday and let you tag along to this smokeless, family-friendly venue until about 8 p.m. when it turns more “Friday night out on the town.” Grandma Lori even helped you hold on to your first chicken strip.

After four long weeks, your belly button FINALLY made its debut one evening while Daddy was changing your diaper. We did not keep the cord, because seriously, that’s gross!

This month, I’ve gotten to say the words “my daughter” several times, and it’s a heart-swelling feeling I can absolutely get used to.

I love you, Tiny Bits!

Mommy Lady

Written by Brandi and posted under Paisley

Belly Button!

Big day here, miss Paisley now has a belly button! We’ve been waiting anxiously for that cord to fall off. In fact, two weeks ago I asked the doctor if it were going to fall off in time for the photoshoot we had scheduled the following Sunday and he plainly said “no.” And he was right. It was there for the photoshoot. So I put one of her headbands with a big flower around her mid-section. Not for all of them. We’re not that vain!

I was on the deck and Shelton yelled from the nursery “Brandi! You’ll want to see this!”. Thinking something was wrong or he’d discovered a diaper creation we’ve yet seen, I ran into to find that our daughter has a cute little innie. It was kind of slimy in the middle, but that seemed to only take an hour or so to dry.

I don’t know how long most kids’ cords take to fall off, but dang, that seemed to take forever!

Written by Brandi and posted under Paisley