Shelton & Brandi

Hello! We're Brandi & Shelton Koskie. Since 2006 we’ve been one of the many couples on the In Vitro Fertilization journey. We were the first IVF fundraiser blog, and thanks to the generous help of many, in we had our first successful IVF attempt. Nine months later, we had a beautiful girl, Paisley. You’re invited to follow along on our journey from infertility to parenthood.  Learn more

Not Under My Roof!

This past week we took our spoiled rotten Tibet to be spayed. She’s a shih-tzu, five years old. By spoiled rotten, I mean, the kind of spoiled rotten that only the dog of a childless couple could be. Rot. Ten.

Her agony Tuesday night as I picked her up was all too familiar and I wished I could somehow express to her little tiny self that ‘I get it sister.’ I know how she feels wondering how she’ll look in her bikini this summer with this atrocious new scar on her belly. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have a sweet husband to tell her that he can’t even see it there. I know how she feels when she grows all too fond of the pain meds. I know how good it feels to have your every whim completely catered to and wanting to milk it for all its worth. However, where the similarities part ways is that none of my surgeries have ever required I shave my stomach. I’m either a really fortunate girl not to have beastly hair all over my stomach or, oh yeah, we’re not the same species! …

Continue reading Not Under My Roof! »

Written by Brandi and posted under Koskie Life

Using my Web site for Good- not evil

OK- again, nothing to do with babies. But I know the nice people who visit this site will definitely help with the first item and possibly be interested in the second.

VOTE FOR WICHITA!! A good friend of mine designed Wichita’s minor league baseball team’s logo, Wichita Wingnuts. The logo has made it to the Sweet 16 in a national logo contest at CNBC. We need your vote today!!

WIN BERNIE’S BERNDANA!
As I shared- I had the opportunity to talk to Biggest Loser’s Bernie for Diets In Review last week, or the week before. He is such an amazingly nice guy that he sent me an autographed Berndana, and we’re giving it away at Diets In Review.

Written by Brandi and posted under About BabyOrBust

False Hope

I forgot to tell you…

In January I was experiencing tremendous abdominal pain. Immediately I thought, “here we go again!”. I wasn’t at all interested in another surgery for these friggin’ cysts. I rode it out a couple of days, but the pain was different, excruciating, but different. It was tucked up under my rib cage- it hurt to sit, walk, lie down, breathe, cough, on my side, standing- it just hurt.

Finally, Shelton insisted I make an appointment with the doctor. Our family doc, Dr. H, wasn’t available that day so I saw his P.A. I had never met this P.A., but he was likable right away. I explained the agony, my med history and my personal hypothesis for the problem. He asked if I could be pregnant. I laughed. He looked amused. I explained that unless God himself planted a baby in my womb that there was no way I was with child. Again, he looked curious. I explained. He thought my pain could be a few things, but wanted to rule out pregnancy for sure. I said why not.

It’s funny because the night before I was joking with Shelton- “what if I go in tomorrow and they tell me I’m pregnant?”. He told me he’d have a paternity test. (Insert lots of laughing)

So I took the pregnancy test and a bunch of other lab work. And then I sat in the waiting room for about 15 minutes. Suddenly my brain went to this strange little world of What If. “What if I’m pregnant? Is it possible? It’s possible. People tell me all the time stranger things have happened. Maybe one snuck through? I’m pregnant! Holy crap, how cool would it be to leave here and tell Shelton that I’m actually pregnant?” These hopeful, silent little ramblings went on inside my head until the nurse (the scary one) called my name to return. He told me I wasn’t pregnant.

Really? I do not have a medical degree and I could have/did tell/told you that. But thanks for the past 15 minutes and the swarm of butterflies that have taken flight in my digestive region. I guess we saved a few hundred dollars on a paternity test.

Nothing was wrong with me- the pain went away… by the way.

Written by Brandi and posted under IVF Journey and Pregnancy

Mommy, where does male infertility come from?

When a mommy and daddy love each other very much…. OK I’m kidding.

I found this article that sheds a little more light on the origins of male infertility, which is the cause for 25% of all infertility cases. Apparently it starts very early in the womb, within the first 12 weeks. During this time, the hormone levels in the womb can determine “common genital disorders, low sperm count and testicular cancer.”

This fits right in with what Shelton and I were told for his infertility. He has a natural vasectomy, basically. The Vas Defrens never developed fully into a tube, it’s just a piece of tissue. Our doctor explained that this is most commonly caused by being a carrier for cystic fibrosis.

I took a blood test, an expensive blood test that fortunately at the time was still covered by insurance, to see if I was a carrier of the gene. It was negative. So we did not spend the money to test Shelton because having only one of us as a carrier meant we would not give birth to a child with CF.

Written by Brandi and posted under IVF and Infertility News

My big interview with Bernie from Biggest Loser!

Yes I know, Bernie has nothing to do with babies, pregnancy or infertility. He’s cute enough though to think he’ll have cute babies of his own, right?

But I did score an interview with him today and I’m so excited I wanted to share it with all of you.

Check it out! Biggest Loser Interview

Written by Brandi and posted under Koskie Life

Babies Everywhere!

Drive up and down any country road and there are baby cows, goats, horses and the like. Sift through my inbox and you’ll see message after message about new babies. As told last month, my best friend had her first. A good couple friend of ours, whom we’ve met through Shelton’s job, had their first two weeks ago (congrats Emily and Brandon!). Add to the list our good camping buddies, Shelton’s brother with #2 and another friend due this fall- BABIES ARE EVERYWHERE!

It’s spring and so everything is fertile and pregnant and birthing. I’m not! But you know what, I’m OK with that. I’m calling this my “whatever phase.” You know, you go through the phases of grief- anger, denial, depression, acceptance. I passed acceptance a long time ago. I’m genuinely comfortable and have come to terms with our situation. It’s the hand that God dealt us and I tell you, he could have dealt far worse. FAR WORSE! So, my whatever phase. There’s not a fiber in my being that doesn’t want to be a mom, have a couple of little short people tearing through my house and watching Shelton forcibly become more comfortable with the human anatomy and all its splendor (and ickiness!). There are days when I look around at the hundreds of diapers people are buying, days without sleep they’ve been deprived, handfuls of advil they’ve taken to silence the headaches- and I think, I’m good! My whatever phase is that today, I’m cool and content and at peace with where I am and not having a baby for now; tomorrow could be another case of wanting.

You know how you can see your spouse and your heart starts racing? Or you smell a delectable meal and your mouth starts watering? I swear that when I hold a new baby my ovaries start throbbing- bom-bom, bom-bom. I think it’s the same reaction I have when I smell Shelton’s cologne. YUM! It’s that feeling, that assures me that whether it’s tomorrow or ten years from now- I do want to have babies and I want to be a mom.

So with spring blooming outside (thank you GOD for that!, the longest winter EVER!), and babies blooming in the tummy of everyone I know it seems- I just wanted to let everyone know that I am OK. I am bursting at the seams happy for every last one of them, and for the moment at least, happy with where Shelton and I are, too.

Written by Brandi and posted under IVF Journey