False Hope

March 24th, 2008

I forgot to tell you…

In January I was experiencing tremendous abdominal pain. Immediately I thought, “here we go again!”. I wasn’t at all interested in another surgery for these friggin’ cysts. I rode it out a couple of days, but the pain was different, excruciating, but different. It was tucked up under my rib cage- it hurt to sit, walk, lie down, breathe, cough, on my side, standing- it just hurt.

Finally, Shelton insisted I make an appointment with the doctor. Our family doc, Dr. H, wasn’t available that day so I saw his P.A. I had never met this P.A., but he was likable right away. I explained the agony, my med history and my personal hypothesis for the problem. He asked if I could be pregnant. I laughed. He looked amused. I explained that unless God himself planted a baby in my womb that there was no way I was with child. Again, he looked curious. I explained. He thought my pain could be a few things, but wanted to rule out pregnancy for sure. I said why not.

It’s funny because the night before I was joking with Shelton- “what if I go in tomorrow and they tell me I’m pregnant?”. He told me he’d have a paternity test. (Insert lots of laughing)

So I took the pregnancy test and a bunch of other lab work. And then I sat in the waiting room for about 15 minutes. Suddenly my brain went to this strange little world of What If. “What if I’m pregnant? Is it possible? It’s possible. People tell me all the time stranger things have happened. Maybe one snuck through? I’m pregnant! Holy crap, how cool would it be to leave here and tell Shelton that I’m actually pregnant?” These hopeful, silent little ramblings went on inside my head until the nurse (the scary one) called my name to return. He told me I wasn’t pregnant.

Really? I do not have a medical degree and I could have/did tell/told you that. But thanks for the past 15 minutes and the swarm of butterflies that have taken flight in my digestive region. I guess we saved a few hundred dollars on a paternity test.

Nothing was wrong with me- the pain went away… by the way.