Shelton & Brandi

Hello! We're Brandi & Shelton Koskie. Since 2006 we’ve been one of the many couples on the In Vitro Fertilization journey. We were the first IVF fundraiser blog, and thanks to the generous help of many, in we had our first successful IVF attempt. Nine months later, we had a beautiful girl, Paisley. You’re invited to follow along on our journey from infertility to parenthood.  Learn more

It Sucked and Then I Cried. And the Book Scared the Bazeezes out of Me!

I regrettably don’t read as often as I’d like. In fact lately, I’ve literally been craving reading a book. Hard covers and greyed pages flipping between my fingers. So when I cracked the cover of ”It Sucked and Then I Cried“ yesterday afternoon, my brain felt like a dried-up sponge soaking in ever paragraph and syllable it could. Then seven hours later, I closed the back cover. I read that 250 page book in seven hours. I can be a voracious reader, when it’s something I’m interested in… or when my brain has been completely starved of something printed NOT on the Internet.

Heather Armstrong is the author, and I’ve been following her story for nearly five years with a level of stalking that is only legal when reading personal blogs. I’ve mentioned Dooce here before. She’s irreverent, brutally honest, her writing style enviable, and she makes me laugh. I’ve watched the growth of her site, and daughter, and become a huge fan, cheering her on as she becomes one of the most famous bloggers around. It makes about as much sense as how emotionally involved people become with reality TV stars. On a recent trip to Austin where I attended the SXSW conference for work, she spoke in a panel discussion about blogging on the morning of my last day. I’d waited the entire five days to see her speak, hoping I’d maybe bump into her in one of the hallway shuffles that felt like class getting out in a large, geeky high school. The guys I attended with teased me a bit as we sat behind her husband at the panel and I cooed over the “khaki trench coat maternity jacket she got at Target!”, defending that the only reason I knew that was because she’d blogged about it. Of course! I was thrilled to have the opportunity to meet her afterward, and she was generous enough to let the giddy twit in the second row take a photograph with her.

So, the book. One of the major themes of Heather’s story at Dooce.com has been her battle with post-partum depression following the birth of her daughter five years ago. She’s always been very open about it – about the fact that her depression lead her to some of the darkest places a mother can go. She checked herself into mental hospital after six months of sleep deprivation, feelings of hopelessness and throwing milk jugs at her husband’s head had finally taken its toll. This book is that story. I laughed out loud several times, often having to stop reading for a few minutes to catch my breath. And I only cried in the last couple of pages of the book. I loved the book – and yet it completely freaked me out. Talking about her insatiable craving for nacho cheese Doritos (which I love and God save the soul who doesn’t let me have any if that becomes my maternity craving!), her level two episiotomy, how her daughter NEV-ER wanted to sleep and her screams could wake coma patients, how she and her husband didn’t have sex for SEVEN MONTHS after they had the baby, and of course, the post-partum depression, it all left me wondering why I would voluntarily “do this” to myself.

It’s in those last few pages, when I eked out a few tears, that she reminds why I, and she, wanted to “do this” to ourselves. Heather is now six-months pregnant with another little girl and I’m really thrilled for her. I’m so hopeful that this time is different, that this time she and her husband are able to not only cope, but thoroughly enjoy the new little addition to their family. I appreciate books like hers. She didn’t sugar coat a damn thing. In fact, she brought up a lot of things about pregnancy and post-partum that most people avoid or just don’t talk about.

So, to say thank you – here’s a link to buy Heather’s book, “It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown and a Much Needed Margarita.” If you buy it from this link, Heather will get some cash to buy Doritos and margaritas, and 4% of the purchase will be a donation to BabyOrBust.com. Everyone wins!

Donate to BabyOrBust When You Buy a Give Shirt

They often say it’s better to give than it is to receive… but in this case, you can give AND receive! The Give Shirt is a fantastic philanthropic effort started by Thomas Budde. He’s got these quality black t-shirts that simply say “give” on the front. (The shirts are 100% organic sustainable cotton, American Apparel.)

You can purchase one for $25, and $10 of the proceeds go to the charity of your choice. When you check-out, simply input the name of the charity you want to benefit from your generosity.

We would be most grateful if you included BabyOrBust.com in that space. But no matter who you select, you’ll be helping out an organization who needs it, and receive a sweet shirt that will inspire others to give, too!

Click here to order a Give Shirt.

Budgeting for Infertility Released 3/17

Just yesterday a new book was released to help couples manage the financial strain of infertility. ”Budgeting for Infertility“ was written by Angie Best-Boss and Evelina Sterling, and is a friendly guide to “bring home a baby without breaking the bank.” They walk you through understanding the fertility clinic selection process and understanding its success rate, working ‘with’ your insurance company to get more coverage, how to find affordable fertility drugs, understanding traveling abroad where treatment can be more affordable, and how to steer clear of unnecessary expenses.

And…. BabyOrBust.com is featured on page 191! In the chapter “I’ll Try Anything! Investigate Creative Alternatives,” they include a paragraph about creating a Web site to raise the funds. And that’s what we are, a fund raising site. Our first interview in 2006 was with the Wichita Eagle and they called us cyber-beggars, which went out on the AP wire and that’s what we were coined by everyone. Well, we sure aren’t beggars and unfortunately that’s what this book has called us, too. It’s unfortunate because creating a Web site is a creative way to earn the funds. It’s worked for us and we know others who’ve followed in our footsteps who’ve been able to do the same. The book seems to be positioning creating a fund raising site as a creative way to earn the funds, but calling the act “cyber-begging” has a seriously negative connotation and could possibly deter people who might have otherwise found value in it. Best-Boss also includes a quote from me during our 2006 interview, explaining what BabyOrBust.com is.

I’m not going to ruin it though, I want you to crack the cover and check it out for yourself. While we’re disappointed by that one teensy-weensy item, we’re SUPER EXCITED to have been included in this book and hope that many couples find value in the wealth of information in its roughly 260 pages.

If you’re interested in buying the book, we encourage you to purchase it using the link below, as 4% of your purchase will come back to BabyOrBust.com as a donation!

The Aftermath of Typhoon Nadya Suleman

I haven’t run in to too many people lately who haven’t heard about Nadya Suleman and her eight pre-mature IVF babies. And the six she has at home. The one with autism. The welfare checks. How she lives with her mother. That the father isn’t involved. How she doesn’t have a job. Blah, blah blah. Anyone who hasn’t seen her story on the news, an entertainment show, a magazine or the Internet in the past month is quite certainly living under a dark, sound-proof rock.

I’m having trouble talking about this situation with even my husband because it’s so frustrating and for the most part anytime friends, family, strangers, etc. bring it up in conversation, I choose to practice my right to keep my damn mouth shut. I feel like I’d sound like a hypocrite. We’re similar because we’re both dieing to start a family and both have to rely on IVF to achieve that. We’re different in a lot of ways, too. That to me seem obvious.

The site Dooce.com is one of my favorites, I know I’ve mentioned her here before. She participates in a mommy-blogger Web group called Momversation, in which each contribute a video blog about a topic and discuss it. Often times it’s about sex after having a baby or the difference in being a mom vs. a wife (my sort of hard-knocks college where I’m earning a pre-mom in motherhood). This week’s convo discussed the ethics of planned multiples, with Ms. Suleman a hot target. I wanted to share it with you because the sentiment is expressed in a much more detached way that I feel I can politely convey myself.

They make a point in this video to say that because of this situation, it will make the judgment on other infertile couples that much worse. And it will. We’ve already been faced with some comments about the number of children we’ll deliver. I adamantly remind people that I have a responsible doctor who consistently urges me to only transfer a single embryo. No more. No less. While I’ve often hoped to have twins (one and done), when the time comes this July, I will likely follow my doctor’s instincts, ensuring the health of my baby and of my self. If I end up with two or six babies after that, then it must have been willed that way by someone or something far greater than me.

And, another point mentioned in the video, reproduction is an excruciatingly personal situation. How I choose to bring my offspring into this world is my business. How you choose to do so is yours. And how Nadya chose to do so is hers. It’s a very, very thin and steep line we’re all dancing off regarding infertility, multiple births and Nadya Suleman. I hope that her children are able to grow in a healthy, happy and positive home environment and that she finds the happiness she’s always wanted.

As for her doctor, if he actually was involved with all of her previous IVF treatments as well as this one that transferred six embryos – then I’m all for the medical board calling to review his license. That’s is completely irresponsible.

Donor Gametes Have Siblings

This story kind of freaked me out a bit. Makes me feel kind of glad I’m not using donor gametes. You see those stories in movies, rarely in real life, where twins find each other much later on and realize they had a sibling they never knew about.

Excerpt from MSNBC:

Parents who conceived with donated sperm or eggs are increasingly seeking other families who used the same genetic material, sometimes locating as many as 55 “siblings” for their offspring, a study found on Tuesday.

The findings published in the journal Human Reproduction raise the issue of reusing a single donor’s sample numerous times — something policy makers may soon need to address, the researchers said.

In some cases, parents found more than 10 donor siblings, and one parent found 55 brothers and sisters for their child, Tabitha Freeman of the Center for Family Research at the University of Cambridge in Britain, who led the study, said.

Socializing

BabyOrBust.com is getting our social on. We’d love for you to join our Facebook group, follow us on Twitter, or keep up with us on Flickr.

In the coming months, as we get closer to our date and actually go through the romantic and miraculous conception of our little IVF baby, you’ll be able to stay updated on all the gory details.