Hello! We're Brandi & Shelton Koskie. Since 2006 we’ve been one of the many couples on the
In the summer 2008, we were approached by Wellsphere and asked to be amongst the first “health bloggers” to be a part of their pregnancy and fertility community. It meant having each of our posts republished on their site, a tremendous opportunity to share our story with an even broader audience.
Our story continues to be shown at Wellsphere, and we’re very glad to be a part of that ever-growing community.
This morning was our first ultrasound and I can tell you with all certainty that Shelton and I were far more nervous and anxious about this appointment than we were the pregnancy test. I didn’t even want to talk this morning; and Shelton kept doing it! I was just a ball of nerves and when they called our name to go back I thought I was going to lose my breakfast right there in the waiting room.
I was taken back and weighed – 138 pounds. This is up about six from when we started the IVF two months ago. We did my blood pressure and made witty small talk about how last night I told Shelton that if he didn’t come home with a chocolate chip cookie he shouldn’t come home at all. (He slept here last night!) Then I was left to undress from the waist down and prepare for my ultrasound. (This is vaginally – not goop all over the belly.)
The doctor came in and asked how I’ve been feeling. I told him and he said welcome to pregnancy! Had a nice ring to it. Then we started the ultrasound and within seconds he pointed on the screen to my uterus and the one “pregnancy sack” on the screen. Our baby!!! Just the one. No twins. Or octo-babies. A single baby measuring 5mm (.19″), with the tiniest little heartbeat fluttering so fast a hummingbird would feel inadequate. We heard the heartbeat and saw the little flicker at 105 beats/minute. Pretty amazing!
Everyone talks about this emotional moment the first time you hear the heartbeat. But neither of us had it. Are we broken? I don’t think so. Honestly, there was so much anxiety going in to this appointment, I think we both were completely confident we were going to hear “twins,” and then we didn’t and that’s pretty much all we could focus on. So while I was completely impressed with the fact that this minute being had a heartbeat and thought it was beautiful to hear it, my head was elsewhere.
Dr. T said our pregnancy is on track so far and looks healthy and viable. YAY!!!
We scheduled a follow-up sonogram for two weeks from now and left with a few tiny sonogram pics.
Shelton and I had a little embrace outside and assured one another we were OK. I dropped him off at work and as soon as I put the car in reverse I started sobbing. I felt like I’d lost something I’d never had. And the harder I cried over not having a second baby, the more I’d cry for feeling guilty that I wasn’t acting grateful for the one I do have. What a friggin’ mess! It was just this adrenaline crash and overwhelming bittersweet feeling. We’re disappointed. And thrilled. All at the same time. Part of me feels like I’d feel like this if I’d heard twins, too.
I’m over the moon that we have a healthy baby, and a healthy pregnancy. This baby is going to make us parents and change our lives in ways we can’t even see yet.
I’m pretty miserable folks. Pain is just radiating out of my right ovary into my stomach, back and everywhere in between. It hurts to walk. It hurts to sit. It hurts to use the little girl’s room. And according to the ultrasound I had this morning this makes sense because my right ovary is doing all the work and left ovary is barely doing its fair share. As I explained yesterday, my ovary is about 2-3 times its normal size, which would be painful all by itself, but then it’s surrounded by several eggs. My guess is at least ten now.
My appointment went well this morning, just in and out. My afternoon call from “M” said that my estrogen is now around 1600. I have another appointment in the morning and then I’m guessing we’ll figure out a plan for the retrieval. It will be Sunday or Monday.
I’m tired, I have a headache, I’m crabby and I’m sore. That’s pretty much the gist of today’s events.
I told Shelton today that I’m bored with being pregnant. How do you tell someone they’re pregnant and expect them to just sit by and wait nine months? How about you just go ahead and give me my baby already! Shelton laughed and agreed that I’m too impatient in general and that I don’t do delayed gratification well. There’s a reason I don’t shop online very often, I want to pay and get my stuff! So I guess I have to sit here for 34 more weeks!
Waiting for 7.5 more months or not, I’m loving this. As my sister advised, I’m embracing all of it. It still doesn’t feel real to either of us, I keep thinking I’ll wake up and find out I’ve waken from the best dream. The heartburn continues – so I have Tums. I am so fatigued and exhausted – so I sleep and take naps when I can. I’m ravenous – so I eat. All the things that any other day of the week would feel like a burden and a pain to deal with, I’m embracing whole heartedly. I want the heartburn, I want to feel tired, and I want to eat everything in sight!
You think I’m kidding?! I had two lunches today!! I’m eating a balance of everything I’m supposed to and limiting what I’m not supposed to. No real cravings yet, I’m not even sure when that’s supposed to start if it does. However, I did eat six meals of Mexican food last week. (YUM!)
Tomorrow is a big, big day! We’ll have our first ultrasound. We are big balls of nerves – and possibly more anxious than we were for the pregnancy test. One… Two…. THREE?! No idea what we’ll hear. We will hear a heartbeat and it’s nearly unfathomable that 26 days ago they were microscopic eight cell organisms – and tomorrow it will have a heartbeat. UNREAL!!!
I’m using the pregnancy week-by-week calendar on WhatToExpect.com. For six weeks it says the face is beginning to form: “Your baby’s jaw, cheeks, chin, eyes, ears, and nose are beginning to form.” From crown to rump the baby is 1/4” long, about the length of a nail head. It also explains why I pee ALL THE TIME… morning, noon, night and midnight! My kidneys are working more efficiently to rid my body of waste, and that means I’m spend half my day looking for a toilet.
BUT I’m only looking for the toilet to pee. I am over the moon that I have yet to get sick. I’ve read that 25 percent of women never do, and I have no qualms with that!
The progesterone shots continue. And believe me, I’m over it. O-VER-IT! On each cheek I have huge knots under the skin. Last night Shelton confused an old incision spot with the new incision spot and misplaced the bandage. An hour later he noticed blood on the back of my PJ shorts and I noticed a big oil stain on the sheets… where it had all leaked out. (The progesterone is in oil.) I really do look like a human pin cushion.
Today wasn’t too bad overall. It seems by the time 5:00/6:00 in the evening rolls around I’m pretty beat and ready to just chillax.
I’m having a lot of pain today on my right side. Dr. T told me that’s to be expected considering how large my ovaries have grown and how many eggs I’ve got. The eggs are pretty concentrated on my right ovary. According to my very unofficial, uneducated count at the ultrasound today, there were 10 eggs on the right. In English that means A FRIGGIN’ LOT! Doc said my ovaries could be 2-3 times the normal size (which according to The Googles is 2.5-5cm). So if you go on the high end of things, and use the conversion tool on my Mac, my ovaries could be 6”. Clearly showing my math skills here – is that like a baseball? I doubt my ovaries are that large, but the point to this, is that they are largER than normal and they are hurting.
My ultrasound was a little, odd, today. I was told to go to exam room four. I walked in and there was a backpack, so I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be there. “M” walked us back in and said we got the “crazy room” today. She explained that they were testing a new ultrasound machine, so Dr. T would do my exam today, and we’d have some company. The sales rep for the machine would be attending my exam. I’m losing more and more modesty so, why not?! So I’m half-naked on the table, Dr. T is at the foot of the bed, behind him is “Lily Tomlin” the sales rep, another one of the clinic’s doctors and Shelton. So there we are in the clown car of gynecological exam rooms, and I see the coolest images of my eggs. This thing builds a three dimensional diagram of the eggs, filling in each follicle with a different color.
The clinic has a voicemail system where “M” leaves updates after each of my appointments. It’s actually rather convenient. When I have time, I dial in and receive the reports and instructions; and “M” doesn’t have to make two dozen phone calls all afternoon. I dialed in today and “M” told me that my estrogen is 1130 (up from 572 on Monday; 400 is normal). I didn’t get a count on the eggs, but told we’re progressing really well. I’m to continue my injections as normal and I have another ultrasound/blood work tomorrow.
During our visit today Dr. T said he anticipated doing the retrieval this weekend. I hope we’ll know more tomorrow and will of course keep you updated then.
Brandi to Shelton:
“Don’t be mean to me. I am a vessel of life over here!”