Week 20 equals the half-way point and that means some serious excitement and anxiety. With each passing week the reality of our little “situation” becomes ever more apparent and with that comes a host of emotions like “complete and utter panic,” “what were we thinking,” “she’s going to be perfect!,” “how soon can we cuddle,” and “denial.”

OK, so some of those aren’t what most people would classify as “emotions.” It does sort of read like one of those As Seen on TV record advertisements.

I think our range of emotions from nervous, panic and denial to excitement and curiosity is probably fairly normal. I almost think we’d be odd if we didn’t feel all of these things. Which is why bringing home the crib last night hit me like a ton of bricks and made me have this “come to Jesus” moment. Like, OH MY GOD A REAL PERSON IS COMING HERE! Some friends offered up their retired crib and sent it home with us and we are so incredibly grateful. It’s perfect – the color, style, everything is exactly what I’ve had in mind. (THANK YOU!!)

We also brought home an antique wooden rocking cradle from Shelton’s grandparents. My understanding is that every Koskie kid since Shelton’s dad has snoozed in this cradle. Pretty special.

Sitting in it right now is a positively adorable pink OU diaper bag, a gift from another dear friend. Seriously, SWOON over this bag. It’s trimmed in pink polka-dots and the zippers have little football charms. “Sooner born and Sooner bred…” (THANK YOU!!)

In other week 20 news, I flew to LA for a whirlwind two-day trip so that I could attend the Biggest Loser finale for work. This was my fourth live Biggest Loser finale and probably my favorite. It was so much fun to catch-up with contestants who I now call friends and get to know the newest alum of this incredible show. They are truly amazing people, each and every one of them, and whether you have five pounds or 500 pounds to lose, you can’t help but feel inspired to just do better. While I’ve met host Ali Sweeney a few times before, this time we had a chance to chat and snap a few pics. I also had the opportunity to have dinner w/ Biggest Loser Cookbook and Most Decadent Diet author Chef Devin Alexander. She was adorable and funny and her food was AAAAMAZING!!! She sent me home with an autographed copy of “Decadent,” and I’m anxious to crack it open!

This trip helped me realize that my travel hence forward will be done by car. I just can’t handle another airplane. After the snot-covered, tear-soaked hysterical break-down in LAX (because of a canceled flight, coupled with exhaustion and killer back pain) I decided that flying just wasn’t worth whatever was on the other side. (Unless the other side involved all you could eat pizza for days and days and days…and maybe Oprah!!) I broke this to my co-workers in NYC and was not the least bit surprised to hear they were understanding. Maybe I’ll finally coax them to Wichita… yeah right!

I also discussed the maternity leave plan with my boss this week and I think we have something in place that is fair for both sides. I honestly can’t foresee taking a full six-to-eight week maternity leave, but I guess we’ll just have to see when we get there.

And finally, maybe the most exciting news of all from week 20, we’ve got a mover and a shaker on our hands. This little girl has been moving for a few weeks, but really deep little flutters only noticeable to me, and often indistinguishable between flutters and gas. But sitting on my connection flight between Dallas and Wichita, I felt a bump in my stomach like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Positively amazing! I’m sure I looked like a total freak on the plane with both my hands shoved down the front of my elastic maternity pant panel, but I was not about to pass up the chance to feel her with my hands for the first time. The entire 45-minute flight home the monster gave me quite a show. I was literally giggling out loud at some of the bumps because it was just the most incredibly satisfying moment. I of course bragged the news to Shelton when I got home and he was thrilled. It took two or three more days before Shelton was finally able to get his first feel of our little girl. Wow! What a moment. So far she doesn’t keep much of a schedule, her bumps, rolls and kicks come at all hours of the day (and night) and can last for one or two thumps or for 30 minutes or more. She also plays hard to get. I can feel her for the longest time, finally have Shelton come over to feel and she’s done.

Overall I’m actually feeling pretty good. Just dealing with a lot of pretty constant back pain and fatigue. I keep waiting for this “dawning of the day second trimester second coming” event, but I feel like that’s one pregnancy milestone that’s going to pass me over. We’re seven weeks in to this trimester and while I feel a hundred times better than I did in the first, I still feel tired, lethargic and famished all the time.