Ahhh, the changes your body goes through to make a baby. It’s glorious, isn’t it? Everyone’s always talking about this miracle and the process. Please! This is such an inconvenience. (not the baby, the body)

Look, no one can appreciate being pregnant more than me. I don’t take one ounce of this for granted and I truly am embracing this entire experience because it’s never ever happening again. (Unless this “miracle” baby Shelton keeps talking about happens. You know, the day after our kid moves to college we find out we’re pregnant!)

But does it have to be like this? This week I’ve entered the achy phase. Isn’t it too soon for this? Nothing is comfortable. Lying down, sitting up, on my butt, on my knees, to the left, to the right, this chair, that chair, that couch, the floor, the hearth, pillows propped, ….. NOTHING is comfortable. My back, shoulders, tailbone, hips, pelvis, legs, head, they all hurt and ache constantly. I had a little realization last night that maybe my hips/pelvis are starting to shift. But again I ask, this early?

Shelton said I’ve been groaning in my sleep. Clearly uncomfortable.

Part of the problem I can state for a fact are my new porn star boobs. A while back I mentioned getting reacquainted with my breasts (such a delicate word). If only I’d known then what I know now. These are straight-up porn boobs. And being that the majority of my adult life I’ve carried a respectable set of Ds, I had no need nor interest in gaining anything else. I can understand how a girl with As or even Bs might be ecstatic about this new addition to her anatomy. But I’m not impressed. To be perfectly honest I’m overwhelmed. What in the hell am I supposed to do with these things??? Surely they are creating some of the strain my back.

I’m in awe. Brava Mother Nature, Brava! Now, we’ve seen what you can do, clean up your mess!

One change that I’m not too disgruntled about are my fingernails. In a few recent photos my fingernails have been in the shot for whatever reason and I’ve really been caught by how nice they look. These are long and strong and look like girl fingernails (something I can’t usually say for my kindergartner hands). Kudos to you prenatal vitamins and pregnancy hormones. I can remember when the Lee Press-on nails came out when I was a kid. I used to tell my grandmother, who has the best nails in the world, that’s what I thought her nails were. So I guess I finally got my Lees as well!