Feels like the first time

May 16th, 2008

I was having lunch yesterday with a friend. Our paths cross occasionally and it’s always nice to catch up. She politely asked how things were going with BabyorBust and I got her up to speed on the site and our plans. She then told me that she and her husband had just found out the day before that due to male-factor, they were finding themselves in this infertility boat. I always hate hearing that. It’s like, ugh!, why one more?!

She and her husband are about the same age we are, so I’m glad they were able to catch this now instead of even five or ten years down the road. I feel like the options play to your favor a bit more when you’re younger. I’m already freaked out that my boobs are going to sag and I found my first wrinkle… let’s not talk about what else happens after I turn 30!

I told Shelton last night that it was just a really interesting conversation. Most times when I talk with a fellow infertile they’re as experienced as I am, if not more so. All of the things she was saying, the feelings, emotions, confusion- it was like hearing an echo of myself two-and-a-half years ago. I mean, almost verbatim. She was explaining to her husband that “he” isn’t infertile or the problem, “they” are. I’ve had this conversation with Shelton so many times. “We” as a unit are not able to have children. There’s no I or You or Me.

I invited her to visit the site and read some of the earlier blogs, suggested a book, compared notes on the doctors and hopefully made her feel like that chaos going on in her head is justified and normal. I told her that I cry every single time I’m in a Babies R Us and how baby showers are quite possibly one of the hardest things in the world to go to. It was also rather reassuring to hear her saying and feeling the same things I had at that time.

I do wish them so much luck and hope that this process is as painless as possible.