I’m dilated to a 2!! I’m 50% effaced!!
That is all.
I’m dilated to a 2!! I’m 50% effaced!!
That is all.
So we kicked off the week with a trip to the OB, where I was finally going to get an exam and finally hear that I’m dilated to a one… maybe two. But that’s not exactly what I happened. I went to the OB. I had an exam. And I was told that I haven’t dilated at all. NOT AT ALL!!! Dear God in heaven I’m going to be pregnant forever and six days after that. How can I have had contractions since FEBRUARY, my colostrum is in, I’m due in three weeks and I haven’t dilated at all! He did let me know that her head is down and locked in place, so that part is good. He said she didn’t float away when he pushed on her. So, good job baby! Way to hold up your end of the deal. Head Down!
On Wednesday I was just a ball of grump. For no reason at all, I’d had a really good day, nothing to complain about. But when Shelton asked why I was being so grumpy I responded, “Well, I’m nine months pregnant and I have a full-grown human in my abdomen.” Fair enough. I’m just achy and tired and nothing is comfortable and everything is uncomfortable. Nothing sounds good but I’m hungry. I’m overwhelmed trying to get work situated and squared away without feeling like I’m abandoning them. Let’s not forget the ever-growing nerves of pushing this kid out of my lady parts and then, in case you didn’t know, they’ll send her HOME WITH ME. FOREVER! It’s just a lot.
That night while sitting in the tub, the tub that 20 minutes before was covered in poison because of some really odd pin-dot bug infestation that my husband then scrubbed mercilessly to make sure we have an organic baby free of pesticides, I had one of those moments that makes you all warm and gooey inside and appreciate this whole pregnancy thing. I was perfectly still, letting the warm water envelop my achy, moose-shaped body. And then, her hiccups started. She usually has a session in the morning and a session in the evening and at first I found them kind of annoying (and she’s thinking, you should try it from this side!), but I’ve slowly kind of fallen for them. It’s just this uncomfortable little sign that there’s this real person growing inside of me and she’s a real baby now. Because babies get hiccups. And she gets hiccups! So I’m sitting there, water is still, the hiccups start, and with each hiccup a ripple rolls across the tub. Over and over and over. I just sat with my hands wrapped over my belly, feeling each jolt and watching each ripple and smiled. She’s not going to be in there much longer and I already know that for as turbulent as this pregnancy has been, I’m going to miss it so very, very much. Odds are, I’m not going to have a hiccuping baby bump ever again. And so I took a moment, in the chaos of everything that’s going on and the exhaustion I feel, and savored this one tiny moment between me and the daughter I’ve yet to meet.
Thursday was another doozy. I’ve already shared the nightmare it was here. If you want to hear how a soulless cop gave a crying pregnant woman a ticket and how later that night I nearly suffocated and died, it’s worth a read!!
Friday night was the exhale we both needed. We spent the evening on the patio of a favorite bar downtown where we spent a few hours chatting with friends, soaking up the blissfully perfect weather and stuffing our faces with bar food. But their bar food, it’s the best.
Saturday we slept in, enjoyed a killer breakfast of my french toast, hit the farmer’s market and then spent the afternoon doing this and that. We finished the evening by hanging out on the deck with grilled fajitas and homemade guacamole.
The week went to hell and back, and this side of it was so much better. We’re enjoying these last few moments of “just us” and trying to squeeze in as many as we can. I know soon we’ll look back on these days of sleeping in and lounging in the sunset uninterrupted with longing. My heart nearly stopped when I loaded the site a moment ago and the countdown said 14 days. I know it’s 14 days. I’ve been saying T-minus two weeks to myself all day. But to see it there in writing, Wow! It’s getting very real… and very close.
I didn’t have any, I don’t think I slept well enough to do that. Instead, we lived the nightmare. One minor, not so much a nightmare but more like a “please just wake up now.” The other, a nightmare in every sense of the word.
I had a little energy stored up and a crucial need to just get out of the house, so I left Shelton here to work on homework and headed out to run a few errands. Less than a mile from home, I’m cruising down the road taking in a gorgeous spring evening. You know, windows and sunroof down, jams playing, just cruising along. When I realize my cruise is above the legal limit and the cop perched ahead is going to pull me over. And he did. And I immediately start crying. I’ve never cried in front of a cop in my life. But the hormones, they do what they want to do and I just have to sit back and let them. So I give him my license and insurance and he goes back to his car. He comes back and hands me a ticket. WHAT KIND OF COP GIVES A CRYING NINE-MONTHS PREGNANT WOMAN A TICKET?!?!
So I come home sobbing and Shelton leaps off the couch because all he can hear are my sniffles and starts going “no no no no no” and I couldn’t catch my breath to talk but I’m waving him down to suggest that no, I’m not in labor, I’m just a felon. I finally let him know that I got a ticket and he starts laughing and reassuring me that it’s not a big deal. Well, I’ve got $110 worth of no big deal! By that point I was starving so he consoled me with Abuelos. Yum.
We come home at 9:30 with bellies full of Mexican food and I’m already popping Tums (aka pregnancy candy) because I know what I’m in for during the night. Only, I didn’t know what I was in for. Because what happened last night has never happened to me ever in my entire life.
At 1:3o a.m. I bolted from a deep sleep, upright in bed gasping for air. I literally could not breathe. My lungs felt as if they were full of hot lava. Every few seconds I’d manage to gasp and catch a little air, and then all I was able to do was belch it out, one slow, tiny belch at a time. And then another very tiny worthless gasp of air. I was choking, coughing, burping and straining for every ounce of air I could grab. Shelton is of course awake now and freaking out. He kept asking me what was wrong but I couldn’t breathe, much less explain to him what was happening. And frankly, I had no idea what was happening to explain it. Without trying to be a drama queen and overexaggerate the situation, I’m telling you, I literally couldn’t breathe and I was certain that I might just die.
I’ve never been more frightened than I was last night. For all I know, that is what suffocating feels like and it was horrid. I made my way into the bathroom so I could hover over the sink and I got sick. So now I’m choking, coughing, burping and throwing up all with teaspoons of air. Finally, FINALLY, I was able to take a real breath and I swear had it not taken at that moment I was going to have Shelton call an ambulance.
It took 30 minutes to finally get back to being able to breathe fairly normally, and even that was interrupted with some pretty horrendous coughing. I was scared to death to lie back down. My best guess of what happened is that I had such bad reflux last night that I managed to choke on the acid. As in, inhaled in to my lungs and then nearly died trying to get it all out. I’m no doctor, but that’s what makes sense to me. I kept my head propped up and managed to drift back to sleep.
Today I’m exhausted. My stomach has been a bit queasy all day and my chest and throat hurt. But otherwise I’m fine.
So see, it was nightmare on our street last night!
I feel like I should start these now with – No Baby! Every time I call someone these days there’s a suspicious tone in their voice until I clarify that I’m calling to ask some mundane question about a recipe and not letting them know I’m in labor. So I figured I’d extend that courtesy here.
Week 36 was all and all not too bad. I started the week with an OB visit; I was under the impression I’d be having my first exam, but instead I just had the strep B test. I was so anxious to have the exam to see how she’s positioned and if I were dilated at all. But, he sent me home. I was thinking “Dude, my pants are off, I’m on the table, just take a look!”. I go back tomorrow for the first exam and hopefully, HOPEFULLY, we’ll hear some news in the form of little centimeters.
I keep joking that I hope he tells me I’m at a 5; truth is I need to at least get through this week before any labor signs show. There’s a lot of handing off of projects and the completion of several other projects that needs to, has to, take place this week and I swear to all things holy the type A personality in me will lose her mind if I can’t mark everything off my to-do list this week. Then, bring on the maternity leave. (She says rather hesitantly, with an ever-growing ulcer.)
For as achy, slow and tired as I’ve felt for weeks, I actually felt pretty good this week. In fact, Shelton commented a few times during outings that he felt like he was trying to keep up with me and that I was walking faster and lighter than I had in a while. They were fleeting moments, but celebrated nonetheless.
A strange little event occurred last Sunday morning, just as week 36 was kicking off. I realized my colostrum had come in. I sent my sister a text message that asked what the yellow liquid was and added a colorful WTF! I knew what it was but needed confirmation. I had no idea it would come in this early. She shrugged it off. My doctor shrugged it off. I was 110 percent certain I meant I was going to have the baby ANY MINUTE! But it’s been several minutes since last Sunday and there’s no baby.
By now I expected that this baby’s movements would have slowed down, but they haven’t. At all. Since this kid started moving in December she hasn’t stopped. Even in the face of the narcotics cocktail I enjoyed to get through the kidney stone she never stopped moving. So as she continues to grow and the space in my abdomen is officially full, she manages to wiggle-squirm her way around as if she had all the room in the world. My uneducated guess is that she’s head down, given that I feel like it’s her little hiney constantly pressing into my ribs. I also think that her hands are close to my bladder and she’s literally flicking it with her little fingers. It’s the most awkward sensation and I don’t care for it.
One sensation I don’t mind so much and actually find to be pretty cute are her hiccups. She usually has a round in the morning and one in the evening. Sometimes they are so hard I can watch my entire stomach move with the beat. Poor thing! I just want to tell her to turn upside down and hold her breath! Count to 10! Maybe try to scare her.
My glider is currently en route. I’m going to have to write a separate post about this explaining why Babies R Us is dead to me (DEAD!!) and why Target is awesome. Once this piece of furniture is in place, the nursery will be complete. I’m thrilled! But also bored. I’ve nested myself in to boredom. There’s nothing else to wash, fold, arrange or organize in that room. We’re just waiting for her.
Hmm. It appears I completely glossed over doing a week 34 update. For being the only week I’ve missed in this pregnancy, I’d say I’m doing pretty well. I did make a couple of updates that week:
As for week 35. Big exhale! We made it! Our OB told us early on that week 35 was the “safety circle” and if I went early, at this point he wouldn’t do anything to stop the labor because the baby would be developed and healthy enough to deliver. So hard to believe, 35 weeks; how far we’ve come, and yet it’s literally been a blink in time. I’m sure the first 35 weeks of her life will blast past us even more quickly. Part of me needs and wants all of this to slow down, and the other half of me is saying “Are you nuts! Let’s do this!”.
The “I’m dones” have begun. I’m tired, achy, emotional and ready to just meet this little person. I cry every single day. Sometimes it’s a weepy cry, and other times it’s an all out hysterical, sobbing breakdown. It can be brought on by a Kanye West song in the car (no joke), the wrong answer to a question from Shelton, an ache or pain, or simply because. Just because. My mom’s favorite answer to any question!
I’m taking hot baths nearly every single night because my back, hips, thighs and abdomen are so sore and achy that it helps put my muscles at ease before I go in for the long, restless, attempted night of sleep. Shelton generously offers a back rub most nights of the week and I’ve yet to turn him down. One of the things that’s been helping me to fall asleep is he’ll lay behind me on my side of the bed until I crash. I’ve been criticized (and completely agree) of having become more clingy, so these extra few minutes together are so calming and I’m able to drift to sleep for a few hours. Once the middle of the night bathroom runs and achy hips start, it’s pretty much over. I wake up anywhere between 2a.m. and 6a.m. and I’m pretty much up at that point. It’s incredibly frustrating, not to mention exhausting. It’s easier to get up than fight the bed and the muscles and the positions for comfort and REM cycles. I’m mildly appreciative of the insomnia because I’m only going to have to get more used to it in the coming weeks.
My body is a constantly evolving science project that amazes the both of us. The size, shape and feel of my belly seems to change almost daily and I can’t help but take notice and constantly comment. I’ve nicknamed myself The Moose, even though I’ve really only gained a meager 28 pounds. My breasts are worth 10 posts all by themselves. I’ve always had a sizable set, I started as a smaller D. When Shelton and I look at pictures of me from last summer I swear it looks as though I’ve yet to hit puberty and that training bra is more for show than function. The comparison of then to now is striking and yet another thing I know is only just getting started. The DD nursing bras I bought I’m fearful aren’t going to be anywhere near enough.
We graduated birth class this past week. People call it a waste of time but I’m telling you that we found it to be very valuable. There’s so much you assume you know, and you quickly learn there’s a hell of a lot that you don’t know. I didn’t retain all of it, I have no idea what’s supposed to happen at these different stages. But I do know that when I’m in the throes of labor and something comes up it will all be very familiar and I won’t feel like I’m being blindsided. I also found it to be very helpful to get Shelton caught up on anatomy and the logistics of what’s going to happen and I know that will make him an even better source of support during the labor.
The nursery is also done. Done!!! It took us for-ev-er to get started but it’s now a room that’s only missing a baby. It’s beautiful, too! We’ve been so blessed and so fortunate to receive so many generous gifts, and so we have received everything from butt paste to the crib. Monetary gifts allowed us to pick out a gorgeous dresser (Shelton calls it a chest of drawers) and we were so thrilled that our eyes didn’t deceive us and the color is a near spot-on match for the crib. We also had a small bookshelf we moved in to the room that matched the cherry finish. Shelton woke up yesterday and said “Who the hell is staying with us and why did they bring all their baby crap with them?”. I just laughed as we both realized how quickly this house is turning in to one that can accommodate all three of us.
We started nesting this week. And yes, “we” means Shelton and I. I love how involved he’s been every step of the way and in the past few days I think the daddy ‘mones have kicked in and he’s just as excited to take on baby projects as I am, even creating a few of his own.
We finally got through our three showers (thanks to ALL the amazing women who threw them for us!) and were able to take stock of what we have, what needs to go back, what we NEED, what we WANT and what we’re certain our baby will need if she ever stands any chance of walking and talking. You know, like ANOTHER package of sleeping gowns.
I counted the diapers. We have 500. I did all the baby laundry. About six loads. And let me tell you that I actually squealed a bit when, for the first time in my life, I saw a lint trap tinted pink. I saved the lint for when Shelton got home, he was less impressed. “Did you actually save that for me?” was his response.
The biggest purchase of the week was the car seat / stroller system. We’ve also picked up bottle paraphernalia, toiletries and bath goodies, socks, a thermometer, baby pant hangers and much more. All on gift cards. So awesome!
One of the other notable purchases were my nursing bras. I bought two and a nursing tank top. This morning I tried on the tank top and walked in to our master bath where Shelton was getting dressed. I said “Check this out!” and unclipped the strap to reveal my “harnessed” breast underneath. I’m actually laughing as I write this because the look on Shelton’s face was priceless. He screamed out “WTF!?” without the abbreviation and just looked dumbfounded. I found it rather humorous as he tried to understand the new contraption I was wearing. We quickly realized that with the current size of my breasts (size OOC for Out of Control!) plus the increase when my milk came in was going to make that tank look like doll clothes very quickly. So I returned it and got a larger size. Sigh.
The crib is made. Clothes folded and hung. Hospital bag(s) packed. (Yes, plural bags, because we’re moving in to the hospital and NEED three bags to get us through those 48 hours!) Arrangements for the dog made.
Now I’d say I need a beer, but I can’t have one of those yet. So, I’ll settle for a nap instead!