For all the times in my life I’ve whined about being tired, I take it back. Because prior to now I had no idea what I was talking about. And I know (I know… I know…) that two months from now I’ll probably be able to echo that sentiment when Shelton and I are slogging through our days with one eye open running on two hours of sleep and desperately trying to remember what it feels like to actually enjoy a REM cycle.
I think that’s my biggest take away from week 33 – just exhaustion. It’s not from lack of trying. I’m averaging about 10 hours of sleep each night. It’s not enough. I have to beg myself to get out of bed in the morning, by noon I’m ready for a nap (and sometimes I take one) and by the time we’ve eaten dinner it’s all I can do to make it through the next couple of hours.
Last week was also another long episode of neurotic Brandi. I swear if I don’t cry at least once a day then I haven’t lived up to my potential. Sometimes it’s just a few tears; usually it’s an all-out hysterical break down with ugly-cry sobbing that results in swollen eyes and copious amounts of snot. I think I can use this to my advantage when the baby starts crying and won’t stop. I can say “You think you can cry? Oh, I’ll show you how to cry.” And then we’ll both sit in the closet alone together crying until Shelton comes home to save us from ourselves.
What is that you’re reading between the lines? Oh yeah, it’s anxiety. We’ve got a little bit of that up in here, too. You know, just for good measure. Sheesh! I’m ready, I am SO ready for this baby girl to get here. I want to see what she looks like and hold her and finally start this circus act we signed ourselves up for. At the same time, I think someone should step in. I feel in no way prepared to take this on. I mean, we don’t even own a car seat people, how am I supposed to be expected to teach her how to tie her shoes and do simple math. I can’t even do simple math!! (i.e. this is a blog with words, not numbers.) The anxiety comes in waves and it do-si-dos its way in and out with the excitement. It’s like an emotional tornado with the warm air from one mixing with the cool air of another and then it rips the roof right off of our sanity.
We attended the fourth of six birth classes. These are a trip. The lady teaching is a riot, and not because she tries to be. The birthing videos via VHS tape are rather entertaining, as are the scrapbooked posters illustrating the birth processes. This past week was the c-section video and I thought Shelton and I were both going to lose our dinner. We’re squeemish people. And while I can appreciate that sometimes a woman’s abdomen needs to be cut open and a baby removed from the inside, I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to watch my own (God willing we won’t have one) and I don’t want to watch someone else’s. I also find the relaxation exercises to be rather comical because they are broken variations of the yoga I’ve been doing since the start of my second trimester. All I can do is sit there and think “That’s not how you breathe.” “That’s not how you should do a pelvic tilt.” “That’s definitely not how you should meditate.” I’m no expert, but I just want to scream out and tell the other three women in our class not to do it and to meet me at yoga Monday instead.
We were able this past weekend to truly celebrate what’s about to happen as our house was infiltrated by most of my dearest friends and family for the last of our three baby showers. This house was positively buzzing all weekend with a lot of laughing, a lot of playing and a lot of just catching up. It was a gorgeous shower organized by my sister and co-hosted by several women who I count my lucky stars to know and love. We’re feeling a lot more prepared now as the nursery is starting to burst at the seams with diapers, clothes, boppies, bottles, bibs, and even a fish-net-turned-bathtub-floater-remover. We couldn’t be more grateful for all of the gifts and the help in turning our little home into a baby-friendly zone. This weekend Shelton and I plan to sit down and take inventory of what we’ve got, what we need and put those gift cards to good use and buy those final necessities. Like a car seat. And Cabernet.