Dear Paisley,
Three months already?! Stop it! What a conundrum I find myself in with you. I want nothing more than to keep you this size (like those unfortunate cats in the jars) so that you’ll never grow and you’ll always be this tiny and sweet; and yet, each day you grow and develop and I become even more enamored by you.
I would love nothing more than right now to squish and kiss your little face and tell you how amazing you’ve made the last three months of my life, but I can’t. I’m in New York. And you’re at home in Wichita. Yes, I had to take my first work trip back to New York since I was about 14 weeks pregnant with you. I’ve known for two months this trip was coming and thought it would be tough, but had no idea how hard it would be to walk out those doors yesterday morning. I took a xanex for the first time in my life if that’s any indication. I physically couldn’t make myself set you down. But I got on the plane, and I’ve been here for two of the six days and I’m doing alright. Everytime I look at a picture of you my heart swells, but I know it’s not anything that’s going to kill or maim either of us so I just keep taking deep breaths and missing you more than I’ve ever missed anyone or anything in my life. I’m finding a lot of relief in the fact that your AMAZING Oma is staying with you this week and that you get to spend every evening with your AMAZING daddy!!
You and I had our first video chat last night and I swear you knew it was me, if Shelton said so. You just came to life and cooed, smiled and blew raspberries while you watched the screen intently.
Aside from the sappy missing you stuff, it’s been a pretty fun month with you!
One night we had put you down for an evening nap in our bed. To our surprise you actually let us enjoy an uninterrupted meal, which was doubly nice because I’d made my first roasted whole chicken and man was it amazing! We peeked in at you afterward to see that you were lying wide awake, in yoga’s “happy baby” pose, just looking around. We both army-crawled into the room so you wouldn’t notice us and turned on the fan, which you love to watch to such an indescribable degree. Then we sat on the floor and watched you. THIS is why we canceled our cable – there’s nothing this good on TV. This my love is what you’ve done to us.
Earlier that morning you’d woken from a nap in our bed (sometimes it’s just easier to let you nap there) and we were once again peeking at you from the door when we realized you were awake. We literally wrestled, pushed, and fought our way to you trying to be the first one there. We arrived at the same time and both giggled and yelled “Hi Paisley!” and scared the living daylights out of you. You just burst in to tears. You were not as excited to see us as we were you! But again, this is what you’ve done to us.
The new tricks up your little sleeves just make my heart swell. You started blowing raspberries, something I do all the time because you absolutely light up and love it. For weeks you’ve tried imitating, with nothing more than spit bubbles forming on your lips. One day while playing with Oma your lips rolled together. You did it! Now, you love doing it all the time, your little lips just roll and zip and you seem so proud of yourself.
You’ve also started to find your hands. You still suck on your fist, and now shove the entire thing in your mouth. Your thumbs seem to never open and when I manage to pry them back I find what amounts to the hand version of toe-jam-meets-belly-button-lint. It’s gross. It stinks, it’s sticky, and always some little black ball of hair, lint and dirt. You’ve started grabbing toys, you even reached out one day and grabbed some flowers in a vase.
How did you get to that vase? Because you can’t get enough standing. So I held you standing on the bar looking at a bright vase full of flowers, which you were entranced by, and you reached out and grabbed a pink daisy.
Your feet are also on your radar. You’ll kind of reach for them or watch them, but not too much interaction. Enough that we know that you know there’s another extension of your body to play with!
You still won’t poop, but we’re hoping to fix that. We’re trying some special low-iron formula. And as soon as we can get you on track, it’s time to try rice cereal. Solids! Already!
You’re exponentially becoming more curious about every little thing around you. Patterns or shirts with bold colors or type faces on them suck you in and you can’t get enough of them.
Kind of how I feel about you. I could stare for hours and hours and still not satisfy my fascination. You get better every single day. Only 90 days in, I want to freeze it in time, and yet, I can’t wait to see how your world will change in the next 90.
I love you Tiny Bits!
– Mama