It’s 5:30 a.m. on Tuesday, April 27, 2010. Apparently I’m going to have a baby today. And Shelton is celebrating his 30th birthday. Oh what a day this is going to be!
When you wake up super early like this, the house always has an eery feeling. Like when you have to be at the airport for an early flight, or you have some scheduled procedure to remove a human from your abdomen. Kind of the same.
I’ve decided the cruelty has already set in. I am absolutely STARVING, with a capital FAMISHED, and I can’t have a single bite. I can see Wendy’s from the hospital room and buh-leeeeve me someone will be procuring a #2 sometime in the next 12-18 hours. Because they’re open late, you know.
I had a little cry this morning. I imagine that won’t be my last one… probably even before we make it to the hospital. I’m sure the second I actually see or speak to Shelton this morning it will burst that little tear pocket that resides in my throat.
As I lie half-awake in bed this morning, I thought to myself “Please get one more case of hiccups this morning, or roll around, or just do something,” and it was only moments later that she started fluttering in there. I can’t even express how sad I am that these are my last hours with my bump. I am in love with my pregnant body, and feel so fortunate that my husband has expressed the same to me. I’m apparently as cute as a button! Believe me, I’m anxious to roll over in bed without screaming outloud, or stop slamming doors into my belly because I’m completely unaware of my depth, but it’s been nice to have and I’m going to miss it.
I have no expectations today. I wouldn’t even know how to have them. I know that my (our) “birth plan” involves keeping me alive and keeping that baby alive. We’re going to let the pros do their job.
When we decided to do the IVF, we knew it was the right decision for us for so many reasons. One of my biggest was that I wanted to have this experience with my husband. It’s had its ups and downs – the IVF wasn’t easy, the first three months of egg shells hoping we wouldn’t lose it was agonizing, the kidney stones, the bleeding, the hormones, I apparently became clingy and indecisive, the cravings for cheeseburgers – but I wouldn’t trade half a second of the past 10 months. This is the best experience of my life and I can’t believe I got to share it with my best friend.
So today, we’re going to wrap up this mind swirling little journey, only to begin another that is of such massive proportion it’s impossible to wrap my brain around.