Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Is it April yet?
I probably shouldn’t even write this today because I’m bound to start hissing and spitting. I’m in a terrible, TERRIBLE mood. No reason. I just am. I’ve cried three times today. Once because I couldn’t decide how many malt balls I wanted.
So, you wanna know how week 21 has been? Oh just a cheery flippin’ blast.
Someone asked me this week if I’ve been feeling very emotional and the answer is yes. If I don’t cry at least once a day then I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything. And bi-polar has nothing on me. Literally in the same sentence I can go from being your best friend and talking about how much I want to stay up all night brushing each other’s hair to snapping arms off if you look at me. I hate it! I don’t even want to be around myself.
And you’d think all this ho-ho-ho cheer would fix it. But no. In fact, the entire “holiday season” is irritating me this year.
There is no question I’m pregnant. This is a legitimate pregnant belly. I keep running in to people who I haven’t seen in a few months, or even weeks, and they each tell me that it looks like I haven’t gained any weight and that I’ve just got a little basketball. And I’m so grateful for that! It really does make a pregnant girl feel a little better. Truth be told I’ve put on 25 pounds and my doctor doesn’t scoff at that number so I guess I’m doing OK. It’s literally all being carried in my breasts, belly and the two zits that have taken front row seats to my misery on my chin. I feel really good. I joke about being a moose, but really, I’d be lying if I said this isn’t the pregnant body I’ve always hoped for.
There is also no question that there is a very live baby inside of me. She is so active. There’s no schedule, but I tend to get a good morning, a good afternoon and a good night, with a lot of surprise visits in between. Some are really forceful, and some tickle, as odd as that might sound. Some are just slight little flutters. Whatever is going on in there has got her in the mood to move because I feel like all I’ve done is receive morse code messages from the womb this week.
The leg cramps continue. The heartburn continues. My back has surprisingly not been as bad, so I’m hoping that I get a reprieve there for a while.
I’ve also had a few of the weird pregnancy dreams. Like… had the baby and an hour later the doctor said we were fine and to go home. So we did. Shel and I had plans that night so we got a babysitter and left our HOURS OLD BABY at home. Then, the same night…. another dream where I was trying to get rid of my baby weight and Shelton kept pushing all this air around inside my abdomen until it ballooned out my back and all we needed to do was “pop the balloon” and I’d be back in my regular jeans. And finally…. the third dream…. my belly button had stretched so large I could set a cereal bowl inside of it. Gross.
Saying outloud that tomorrow I’ll be 22 weeks is dumbfounding to me. For the most part this entire thing still feels so surreal and I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve truly grasped the reality yet. When you wait this long for something, it takes a while to accept it.
I did make my very first baby purchase today. Socks. They were on clearance for 70 cents a pair at Target so I grabbed a handful. Can’t have too many socks, right?